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Original poster

Do you have a best friend?

62 replies

principalitygirl · 05/02/2014 20:14

I don't. I wouldn't describe any of my friends as a 'best' friend and I don't think any of them would describe me as theirs either.

I have lots of friends - a few I've known since childhood, the rest I've made through studying, living or working together and, more recently, since having my child. These friends are spread all over the world too. The ones I see most are the 'mum' ones. My friends are almost exclusively female. A few are male but these were originally DH's friends who are now our joint friends as a couple.

Typical?

OP posts:

ghostinthecanvas · 05/02/2014 21:33

I have had best friends and still have a strong 30 year friendship that survived her divorcing my brother. I have very good friends but no one where I live now. I miss coffee and a laugh but feel very blessed with the loved ones I have.

Poogate · 05/02/2014 22:02

I have three best girl friends, one of which I have known for 20 years and is one of the funniest people I have ever met, she is family to me and me to her, I would do anything for her and vice versa, both of us have never really grown up, she brings out the carefree side of me and brings me back down to earth when I start to take myself too seriously, I love her v much. We are both 40 (well I'm nearly 40)...

My sister is also my best friend, she is amazing, we are v close. I also have some really great guy friends, and some v good work friends, I'm v fortunate in that sense. I value my friendships as I have a difficult relationship with my parents; my friends provide the love and support that my parents don't.

RudyMentary · 05/02/2014 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowsmiles · 05/02/2014 22:05

Yes. I feel stupid saying it but my husband is my best friend. I then have my best friend for over 25 years. I had/have another for over 25 years who let me down and I'm trying to get over it, I hope I do. Quite a few close friends but these come and go depending on life as I'm not great at keeping in touch and sometimes friends are situation dependent. And then my sisters who are more than best friends. And my mum who is again even more than that.

Firekraken · 05/02/2014 22:36

I have three best friends.

One I met 8 years ago, the other five years ago and my 'main' bf I have known nearly 30 years.

I love them all very much. My bestie is like a sister to me.

I would do anything for her. Indeed, for any of them.

We all give each other lots of support.

It's wonderful having these friendships as I had an unstable upbringing and their love for me and my love for them helps me sleep at night. Not surprisingly, they all also have issues with their upbringing, but they are all talented, successful and strong. We can discuss our vulnerabilities and take the piss out of each other. It's lovely. three of us drink a ton of wine

Original poster

principalitygirl · 05/02/2014 22:53

I'm enjoying this thread..!

FromParis - I feel like that too!

Can't remember who said it now but I also dislike adults referring to their 'bestie' - but probably secretly jealous cos I don't have one....!

OP posts:

2014ThisIsMyYear · 05/02/2014 23:00

I have one friend. She is, therefore, my best friend.
She has other friends, so I don't expect that I am her best friend.

1974rach · 05/02/2014 23:01

My OH...we were friends before we got together and he is my best friend.

Soft old sod aren't I?

BackforGood · 05/02/2014 23:11

I'm like you OP - lots of friends, including those I've known since I was little, and those who have been there for me in the sadder parts of my life, and those with whom I share holiday and party memories of our youth, but I don't 'rank' my friends. If one person were my "best" friend, then, by default, the others would have to be my "not quite such good" friends, which isn't the case at all.

Mintyy · 05/02/2014 23:13

Yes. Met her when we were both 18 and we are 51 now. I see her about once every two months and speak to her maybe once in between those dates. But we are deffo each others best friend.

HeroineChick · 05/02/2014 23:15

It sounds stupid, but I have two best friends - one I met at fourteen, and one I met at twenty six. I'm mid thirties now and they are both equally dear to me (and both call me and one other person their best friends, if that makes sense).

plutarch14 · 05/02/2014 23:22

I have several really close friends (none of whom know each other) and I couldn't choose between them, we are close in different ways and I met them at different times - childhood or uni for most of them. Mainly, we understand each other and it doesn't matter if we don't see each other for 6 months, we can pick up where we left off. There is no score-keeping. I'm not a very emotional confidey friend but I value them loads.

TarteAuxRiz · 06/02/2014 00:14

I did, I'd have sworn we'd always be one another's longest standing friend and confidant. Until she turned on me in a big way recently and tore me to pieces over a very innocent comment, which came from a place of Love and concern. Until then we'd always said we loved our bond based on mutual honesty, so I felt safe saying it. DH had been present and I even asked him if I had been mean (I'm known for being outspoken and opinionated blush but he said I was very reasonable! and he'd tell me if I was being a wanker to her.) Ho hum. :(

Don't think losing any ex dp has hurt me as much as that did, and I can never ever go back and reinstate the friendship because now I can't trust her, or that our relationship was a True one. I feel I like such a prat, like i was duped and gave too much. I miss her horribly, and I think it will out me off any future close friendship. :(

trixymalixy · 06/02/2014 00:18

No, I used to. I had a best friend at school and a best friend at Uni. Both I would still call friends, just not best friends.

I have several good friends I see regularly now. Just not one best friend.

fromparistoberlin · 06/02/2014 07:11

principalitygirl

Its a funny one hey? I cherish my friends, but I do sometimes feel like I am second best to their other friendships, which is not such a good feeling and makes me feel 10 again

I also have some quite demanding friends who make me feel guilty, which annoys as given I am a FT working mother I dONT need more guilt

There are 2 people I do really cherish, and around 5 other goods

I think I am probably blessed more than I realise, but I think in our 40s we dont necessarily share everything like we did when we were 22, an d sometimes its lonely

kerala · 06/02/2014 07:13

Same trixy. Sorry to be rude but I find the concept of " best" friend by adults cringeworthy. Sounds like a playground term dd talks about her best friend second best friend etc but she is 7. I had very close friendships when younger as you do when growing up and have and have always have had lots of great friendships but never felt the need to grade them.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 06/02/2014 07:58

Saying someone is your best friend is not about grading friends FPS. It is about acknowledging someone who is special and important to you.

jesy · 06/02/2014 09:36

I do in away he was someone I met on line about six years ago.we have never actually met but we there for advice whenever we need it.
He been kind enough to lend me some money in past , we speak most days

I used to have a best friend

we were really close but had a falling out a few years back.
We now on texting terms but that rare.
I guess I made a good friend last year , the bloke I had a fling with but we no longer in contact.

So as daft as it sounds my best friend is someone I've never met !

rainbowsmiles · 06/02/2014 10:03

I don't grade my friends but "best friend" is a quick and easy way to convey just how important my friend is. Its not grading but there are different circles of friends. My best friends know my inner thoughts, dreams etc and I theirs. There is something special re the connection.

I have mum friends who I keep at arms length almost like friendly colleagues.

And I have close social friends who I have a laugh with but I would need to know them a lot better before sharing deep and darkest secrets.

So although I don't grade friends exactly I certainly don't consider them all the same and they are not all as important to me as my best friends.

Wishyouwould · 06/02/2014 12:39

Have lots of good friends but one who I would say is my best friend. We have been friends for nearly 25 years, she is my female soul mate and a wonderful godmother to my children. We have been through so much together and she is the first person I go to for advice. She is the nicest person and most non-judgement person that I know. She has had some unbelievable heartache in her life, she is an inspiration to me.

macystacy · 06/02/2014 12:51

I have 3 best friends. One I've known since we were 11 (now 35) but she lives in Australia however we have managed to see each other a lot in the 15 years in different countries, we speak at least once a week on the phone. Another I met in London and lived with a couple of times and the third a mum friend I only met 3 years ago but we are very very close. I would do anything for them and vice versa.

I also have several large groups of people I see often and feel very lucky to have so many people in life. I guess it helps makes up for the shit marriage I am in!

Jan45 · 06/02/2014 13:17

My sister is my best friend, she's the kindest, nicest, level headed and non judgemental person I know so it's her I would go to if I needed help and advice. I have lots of friends, two that I see regularly, at least once a week so I suppose they are my besties too.

I know, though that my sister has my back 100% of the time, I wonder if my friends really do....

CointreauVersial · 06/02/2014 13:25

No, unless you count DH.

I have a fair number of "good" friends, but no "best" one.

I presume it is a two-way thing - does your BF have to have you as a BF? Is it like an exclusive marriage??

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 06/02/2014 13:41

Yes.

We've known each other since we were 6 years old, and although we have lived on different continents for the past 16 years no, we are still very close. We talk on the phone every week, and share all of life's joys and worries with each other.

I've recently realised that she married a man very like me, personality-wise. So I think we just really clicked on a very deep level from meeting, same as the match she found with her husband, and we have maintained that bond. I know I am happier for knowing that she exists in the world.

Granville72 · 06/02/2014 14:35

I have a few people I am friendly with, but no one I can call a close friend or anyone I feel I could call on if I needed someone to talk to or help in any way.

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