Is this odd?

[tisrainingagain]

Apologies for TMI. Basically and cutting to the chase, my h and I have, in the 18 years we have been together, never used any sex toys or aids. The other night however, halfway through DTD, I suddenly feel an elastic band around h's erm nether regions . God knows where he whipped this out from as we never have any elastic bands in the house.

It's not the fact that he might want to use it which I find odd, but the not telling me anything about it. This brings up various issues for me. We never ever discuss sex and in general only communicate about superficial stuff (not my choice but h quite a difficult person who is very defensive).
So I said "what's that" to h who of course did not reply. Everything petered out after that as I felt odd on several levels.
What do you think. Is it strange for h to do this without talking to me about it?

Logg - yes I know that if we do get divorced the sadness will have to be gone through. I don't want to be bitter about divorce for the rest of my life though, which, if it's acrimonious could happen.

Logg how is it NOT helpful?? I gave my thoughts and then agreed with others that she needs to evaluate. You're not the frigging thread police. Stick to talking to the OP eh?

AM your comments are reinforcing the way the OP is blaming herself, as evidenced by her reaction to you. That is what is not helpful. She is doing a good enough job of that herself, assisted by her twat of a husband without strangers doing it too.

Oh arses. This section's a pain in the arse. Amateur psychology and all. I meant nothing but obviously you need to speak only in a certain way here. I'll be off then.

Toodle pip.

No don't go away Awful. I agree with your open model of a sexual relationship. I am shy. I don't know if I would be any less shy with someone else - sexually that is. I would definitely be a lot more open generally though.

tis is there any mileage in trying to talk to him again ?

to go back to your OP, is is odd to introduce something new to your sex life without prior discussion or refusing to refer to it afterwards

I would speak to him but I've tried and been burned too many times. I guess that's how he operates - he makes sure he is impermeable.

Him refusing to talk to you is not going to help you overcome your shyness about talking about things! This isn't your fault.

He has his life sewn up which is dandy for him but must make you feel like a bystander.

What brought you together in the first place, you must have connected at some level?

It sounds a horrible way to live, sorry

Yes in a way but you get used to your own normality. I can't force him to become communicative, emotionally intimate and an equal partner (much as I'd like to!!) and leaving would mean losing a lot. I guess a lot of people are in this situation. Maybe the only thing I can do is develop my own life so that it is much more fulfilling. Not sure I will be sleeping with h anytime soon though .

Donkeys, yes I do feel like a bystander. I think this is the only way h knows how to live.

Thx for all your messages. It really helps to have other people's thought and perspectives and just people to talk about something that it is impossible to talk about in real life.