How often do you come across this kind of attraction in your life and is it always mutual?

[macystacy]

I am talking about the kind of attraction that just by talking, being near or thinking about someone can physically turn you on and them too (obviously men are a bit more obvious in this respect).

I have had it 3 times in my life (37y), the first time I said this is the man I am going to marry (I did and it was a mistake as we had so little in common). The second time was just unsuitable and the third was just terrible timing for both of us and I'm still not over him.

Speaking to friends some have never had this or only once and I was just wondering about other people's experiences. In all my cases it was mutual and curious if other have also found it to be mutual?

Have I had more than my share of this?

I've had it three times, and had no strings flings with them (I was single each time). It's only been with guys I wouldn't date in a million years though.

I've had it maybe 4 times in my life...

1. was a boyfriend of two years - but the excitement wore off.

1. was a fling of 6 months, but he was unbalanced.

1. was a stranger in a club but because I was off my face my mates wouldn't let me go off with him.

1. is a guy who lives on the same street as me who I walk past once a week or so. God I hope it's mutual

I don't think that kind of mind blowing instant physical attraction is a good basis for a long term relationship. But it's fun whilst it lasts.

Twice. First bf 16 years old. Second now dh 33 years old. Seventeen years without feeling it, thought it was never going to happen again!!

Ah wait.. Does my celeb crush count? That started in 1988 and still hasn't faded!!

Twice (age 47)

1. I was 17, it was mutual we were together 7 years and were engaged but I broke it off - I grew up and he didn't. Saw him 7 years ago at a mutual friend's 40th with his new wife (his first marriage I think I put him off) - she looked like me!

1. Last year. It was mutual. Both married. Very brief relationship. Not seen him for almost 4 months, no contact for 3 months. Would be not at all compatible in 'real life'. I still get physically turned on just thinking of him - I do that a lot.

I've had this once in adult life. I think it's a mixture of massive physical attraction and the mystery of not really knowing much about the other person. It allows you to construct any kind of false reality you like in your mind.

We did get it together, briefly, and for a short time I was on cloud 9, felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Then things started falling apart, he started pulling away. Then I found out he was married with a kid.

Massive physical attraction + not really knowing anything about each other + total arse = a mess.

I had it once. He was an alcoholic, though, and the relationship was doomed

I have had a few times but the one that springs to my mind right now was the worst sex I have ever had, such a disappointment and ruined all the connection we had, including friendship. Very weird though, the sexual tension was so sky high.

4 times. Once with the (lost) love of my life. I still get shivers when I see a picture of him.

Twice with online dating people. 1 I had a short relationship with, the other remains a FB but I wouldn't date him if he was the last man on earth. Hot as hell though

And number 4 is just incredibly complicated

I think the problem is that experiences like the incredible physical ones mean that other encounters just seem crappy in comparison.

Yy Monet, I'm puzzled by the dismissiveness about an attraction being "just lust". Surely the whole point is it's ine of the most chemically intense highs your body can manufacture.

Had it four times I think, two of which definitely mutual other two probably. Only managed to actually get together woth one of them though and he was indeed a total arse!

just once - its my current DP (although we're having a complex time of it at the moment and I'm not sure if we're still together and I haven't seen him for two weeks).

On our third date, we went to a gallery, I was standing close to him and he was slightly bent over reading something - I could see the back of this neck and wanted so much to move forward and kiss it and hold him and be held by him.

A few weeks ago we had a day out together, to see how things were between us, I'd not seen him for a few weeks at this stage. At one point he tried a t-shirt on and I saw his beautiful back in the changing rom and I had to look away because of my desire for him.

He makes me feel so full of passion.

Oh god, I miss him.

No it's not always mutual! All those teenage crushes who didn't know I existed!

I have it at the moment probs is I'm married to someone else and not sure wether to take it further

Barbados01 - don't take it any further. You'll regret it. True physical lust always fizzles out because on purely physiological level the body cannot sustain it. People would be dying prematurely in their droves because of the damaging effect of the hormonal cascade on the body. Being in lust is a high stress event for the body, and designed only to last for short periods - just enough to ensure procreation.

Lust can certainly feel like it's sustained much longer - indefinitely perhaps in the right relationships - because of the psychological element accompanying sex hormones in some longer-term relationships. That's why some people never seem to lose 'that loving feeling', but you can bet your last £ that if you feel that attraction to someone you barely know, it's a physical thing only and will therefore fizzle out if you don't feed it. Knowing that, why would you feed it if you're married?

I've had this twice. Once with someone completely unsuitable. The attraction waned in direct proportion to my knowledge about him. Once I really got to know him he turned me off.

The second I am still with and very happy with.

A few times. One was a guy I just had an instant pull to, there was just this spark that made us both feel flustered and silly around each other. We're friends now but slept together once and it was just awful!!!
Another is a long time friend. In the 15 or so years we've been friends we've come close several times but always one of us has pulled back. Not so much the mystery with this one, but a spark that brings something out in each of us where its like there's nobody else in the room and we're both incredibly turned on. I don't think it'll ever happen - its been far too long now!!!

Barbados01 I agree with Dahlen. I took it further (see above) and though I can't honestly say regret it right now I accept that I may do one day. Fortunately he was about to leave the country forever so we were forced apart. It has been very painful but for the best. I can't know what would have happened if he hadn't gone but I am sure it would've been bad.

Don't take it further, Barbados, you have control right now but you won't if you step over that line. For your sake, if nobody else's, don't.

I understand the intense attraction thing. I feel that way about a friend of mine, he's much older, we're both married. He'll never know because I'm not prepared to take it there but goodness, it's difficult sometimes. I'm glad I'm not a man, I'd never be able to hide it successfully.

I've had this quite a few times. It only counts if you actually have stuff in common otherwise it's just random lust. When I was young I thought it might have meaning, now I know it has none.

Three times: once when I was twenty. We were together for four months, took me a good ten years to stop thinking about him. He was gorgeous, electric, made me feel more alive than I ever have in my life. But as per usual, he was a nightmare in real life.
The second one helped me get over my breakup from a sexless marriage. I hadn't had sex for years and he taught me how to do it again. He was so much fun and so sexy, but unreliable, chronically commitment-phobic and a bad bad boy.
Third one is my partner. As soon as we kissed for the first time I just knew.

A man who my LTR invited for the weekend. He was just wonderful. He was engaged. Did nothing but chat to each other. Very awkward. Met him in Spain and had a holiday with him and his wife. Still attracted to each other and it was very awkward with us both trying so hard not to look at each other. Split with LTR and never saw the friend again. Pity, I was so loyal to my LTR who turned out to be a lying cheating scumbag.

A man who spent a year pursuing me and I always said no, wrong class ( he was super upper class) and too young. After a year of it, I finally called him and invited him over for sex Fabulous. Met up lots of times, not dating outwardly because of lots if things, mostly my paranoia, lots of talking and hot sex, he is still in touch:) haven't seen him for years though. He writes a lot, which is nice.

An ex LTR who was younger than me and very high flying. Broke up mutually as he was going abroad. We did the long distance thing for another 2 years after 2 years together in London. Too hard. Both our careers ate us up. Too complicated to explain here the last ten years. We are in constant contact and he has been the best friend I could wish for. Looking forward to seeing him again:)

The above are mind, last two sex as well. There have been quite a few just sex, the first flush of a new relationship which the mind bit just didn't gel.

A chap has a crush on me now, and I dont want a relationship. He is hot though, and I am very tempted. Holding back:) its a very small town:)

Happened 5 or 6 times for me, including XH2. It's definitely not always mutual! I used to work with a lovely bloke, who invariably got a trouser tent whenever he saw a particular client. He had to spend all meetings with her pressing his briefcase down on his lap He was happily married and there was no 'special relationship' between him & this client, it was just that his hormones liked her hormones

In my better-looking days, quite a few blokes had this kind of feeling about me ... it DOES NOT mean the other person feels the same way! I have to say, though, that if you both have it the sex will be amazing. And probably best kept to a memorably brief encounter.

'trouser tent' ! a new one to me

Would agree that it doesn't need to be mutual, and doesn't have any meaning. Just the far reaches of human biology, I think.
Interesting when it happens, though...

Once. And I'm 43. We met in a bar once (been seeing each other for months) and I told him I wS wearing stockings. Honestly I thought we were both going to spontaneously combust with the frisson. (Is that the right word??).

Just his scent made me melt with desire. I have never fancied anyone so much and the sex was simply amazing. We were so well matched and if that's not 'chemistry' then I don't know what is. But he wanted 'spiritual' fulfilment too, with someone else. Knob. I just hope that he's realising (the hard way) that that sort of chemistry doesn't happen often.

Had it recently - awkward for all sorts of reasons and I dunno where the hell it came from. Not acting on it at all but flattering he seemed to feel the same. Was a total bolt from the blue.

The first time was when I was 16.

OMG I was just a big ball of turned on-ness. The second I looked at him I just wanted him. He was an arsehole though.

I felt that way about my husband too. Not straight away but after a few dates I did. I still have times where I feel it but after 8 years it isn't an often, thank god as I would be very tired if it was.

All the damn time. Is that unusual? And no I'm not bragging it's not always mutual (unfortunately)