Do all families have big slag-off sessions behind closed doors?

[Pink01]

I hope I can explain this properly and thank you to anyone who can reply.

When I was growing up my parents were quite sociable people. I would say they had a wide circle of friends from childhood and 'new' friends. Also had a few close family members.

For as long as I can remember though they would slag people off. Not when they were there obviously but between themselves and to my siblings and I. My dad was the worst at it and was very superior. He would make generalisations or comments which, looking back, he can't have known were 100% true.

As I got older this moved onto the people my siblings and I were friends with and their families, just put downs and criticism. I suppose because they were different to us? I don't know. It also applied to family like my grandparents especially when they got older and more infirm. My dad could be really spiteful.

Anyway sorry this is getting long. I suppose my question is, do all families do this? Is it normal, or only normal to a certain extent? When I look back I can't believe some of the opinions they voiced to us, as we were only children and it a lot of it was quite inappropriate when I think about it now.

I don't want to be like them. I have the same best friend today that I had then but I can't really ask her if the second I walked out her house her parents ripped into me, my family, our outlook on money, lifestyle etc!

I don't know if anyone will get what I mean but it feels nice to have written this down so thank you if you read this far!

Darkly funny that it is the meanest most unpleasant types who are the quickest to judge their supposed friends and family.

Not normal. My parents were only negative about horrid bosses they had one apiece during my childhood. They would talk about friends but only rarely ever mild criticism and always then in an affectionate way. They are retired now both have very full lives and are the most popular people I have ever met! They go travelling and people of my age seek them out as friends. They can rarely babysit as usually out

We didn't do this when I was young, except to pass comment on Hyacinth Bucket type auntie, in fact we were probably too non critical.

I was bitchy a bit as a teenager and again as a new mum, we had a bit of a coven for a year or two, but otherwise not at all, as said above, possibly too 'nice' about people.

The upshot is that my grown up DCs are so friendly and chatty to new acquaintances, whatever age, always welcoming. I don't always find that from others.

Two of my uncles do this and it is a very unpleasant side to their character. They have a very wide and varied social group but have a massive superiority complex and think they are better than everyone else. They are also jealous of peoples' successes and regularly put them down or discredit them for eg: a mutual friend inherited a lump sum from an elderly aunt & instead of being pleased for them, my uncle spread the rumour that it was acquired by illegal means. They also hold grudges against thealleged perpetrator and their families for generations. Actually now thinking about it they have a very mob like mentality towards misdemenours.

My former in-laws do this. It seems to be a major part of the family dynamic - the way they bond with each other is to bitch, moan and deride other people, including close family members. I unwittingly became the focus of all this, and they had no hesitation in sharing their toxic views with my then H. The whole situation undermined my marriage, and ultimately contributed to its failure.

I grew up in a family where bitchiness/gossiping just didn't happen, and still find myself bewildered that people can be that unpleasant.

Oh god yes!
Not my dad. My mum and I always have a good old gossip though. I'd never pretend I don't like it, it's fun. We're not really nasty though. That would just leave things ending on a sour note. My dad might stroll by and join in with a pithy well chosen remark (that makes us think that he'd love to join in except he's far too moral for that....hmm).

Actually, if my mum ever tries to gossip with my dad. He'll just counter everything she says with something nice about that person he's no fun at this game. He will persist in praising his pompous brother to the heavens.....saying he's a genius etc.....when it's clear that he's always felt overshadowed by him (and totally wrongly IMO) and he's probably quite hurt, and feeling guilty about that, and I wish he would just have a healthy shout about it and become a bit more objective in how he talks about him. Nothing wrong with feeling jealous is there.

My mum's side of the family however, they're not Brits.....oh. my. god. They make a bloody sport out of it. I think they think I'm a bit wet the way I stick up for people, but I can't help it- they have no filter

It's really interesting to read about the bonding side of bitching. My mother and I have a terrible relationship and I wonder if it's linked to this. I had never looked at it from that angle.

My parents do this. They don't have a good word to say for so e people. The bitterness and negativity wears me down. The phrase 'it's alright for him/her.....' Is one I hear a lot.

My Parents never did this. Yes there were conversations on people and their situations but never in a nasty bitching way.
But my in laws were a different kettle of fish, nobody was excluded from the firing line (including me). You couldn't do right for doing wrong. Face to face they would be all sweetness and light but the minute you left the daggers were out.

I also know someone who hasn't a good word to say about anyone but what started as general comments is now getting more vicious and nasty. You can almost hear the venom in her voice when she's spouting her crap.
She doesn't care who hears it and is manipulating others into her way of thinking. It also makes me think if she is like this with others then what is she saying about me behind my back.

Oh, yes, my Dad and stepmum bitch about everyone! And I have no doubt they bitch about me when I'm not there, it wouldn't really fit the pattern to leave me out.

My family was never like this. I did sometimes realise my mum didn't like someone but I never heard her say anything negative about them. DH and I don't do it either generally - it has to get pretty bad before either of us start to get really frustrated with anyone as we are "live and let live". I've better things to do than obsess about other people. I have never been drawn to bitchy people (men or women) either, it's a big turn-off for me. So none of my close friends sit around bitching either. I don't know if it's normal or not to have big slagging sessions - but I don't make it part of my world. if someone does that in my presence I consider them untrustworthy and not someone I want to hang out with,