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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

His family want the toys they brought for my ds to go to his house!!

57 replies

jellyjelly · 01/08/2006 19:49

Title says it all really, they want the toys they got my ds to go to x's house. I think it is really petty and just hurts ds.

OP posts:

oldieinneedofhelp · 02/08/2006 00:30

Jelly - my opinion on this would be to tell tham that no - the toys he has now are staying where they are but that any they choose to give him in the future will, of course, go straight to his house and stay there.

It is not fair on ds to move things he uses all the time and equally they have they right to define about things they buy - after the split - not before. If they push it then just tell them that they should have made it clear when they got them, it is too late now.

My dad sat me and Ex down and said that, should he come into money, he would buy me a house. The house would be in my name only incase ex and I split up. It seemed weird at the time, but now I think he was right. If the presant is specific to the person then say so in advance - becasue you can't change it afterwards.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/08/2006 00:51

Ask them that if, it isnt enough already that his dad isnt around much, that they now want to take his toys away too?

What purpose would be served by them asking for their gifts back?

HappyDaddy · 02/08/2006 10:16

I don't know your situation, Jellyjelly. Most of the things I have bought DD1, over the years are at my mums as her mum used to "lose" or destroy anything that was taken home with her.

SSSandy · 02/08/2006 10:21

You give someone a present, it belongs to them. You cannot start telling them what to do with it afterwards, it's theirs.

throckenholt · 02/08/2006 10:28

tell them it is DS that plays with them - not you - so he gets to choose where they go.

If they are worried about the coupe say there is no problem with them having it back when he has finished using it (saves you bothering to find a new home for it then any way).

FullOfTestosterone · 02/08/2006 10:42

How about tell them to come over when DS is up and playing with the toys to come and talke away from him?

They will feel awful I am sure!!! And if they still do it anyway. Well, then at least is clear to DS who is the horrible person.

Under no circunstance I would do it myself! I would not be the mean one!

Rest assured though, kids are smart, and they mostly want love. If they take his toys away, he would still have your love and he will be allright!

Hang in there!

SpaceCadet · 02/08/2006 10:48

i had this problem with dd1, only what her father used to do was send nothing on her birthday, then wait till his contact weekend, let her open her presents there, then refuse to let her bring them home.
its pathetic, your xh's family are using your ds to get at you and its not on, the only person who gets hurt is ds. the toys belong to your ds, noth them and not you, challenge them to come and remove the toys while he is up, if they still do so, then get on to a solicitor as i was able to get a court order preventing xh from doing this, it was termed emotional abuse.

lulabelle · 02/08/2006 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caligula · 02/08/2006 11:20

I think oldieinneedofhelp is right - they have the perfect right to specify toys to stay at theirs/ ex's for future, but not past presents. Put it in writing.

kimi · 02/08/2006 12:02

Good god jellyjelly, are you sure they want the toys for you ds to play with or for themself as they sound totaly bloody childish to me.
Do they not see that this will only hurt and confuse your ds.
A gift is a gift and the fact that they seem to have a we brought it we want it mentallity is very sad indeed.
DH and i sepperated recently and as we now live 10 mins apart in two houses with the boys going between the two at weekends and some week nights, toys are going back and forth like mad, boys got to choose what they wanted here and whats at dads and are free to bring and take as they like, we ALL gather in one house for birthdays and hopefully will for xmas (i know i am VERY VERY lucky) and our boys can take THEIR stuff where ever they want to , i know that them being older and DH and i on good terms is a big blessing, but none the less it is THEIR stuff not mine not DHs THEIRS, to do with as they wish, you might like to point this out to them, ALSO they might like to look at your ds as the blessing he is and not a bloody point scoring tool, (im so cross on your behalf) poor little boy.

Original poster

jellyjelly · 02/08/2006 22:14

I mentioned it to the solicitor today who will be noting it on the files. I think it is unfair of them its a bloody car from 18 yrs ago hardly anything important but it is ds favourite toy that we go out in everyday and during the day. On one hand i want to shove it at him then tell him to f off on the other.

OP posts:

looneytune · 03/08/2006 11:31

Just seen this, unbelieveable!!! I'm finding the urge to go there and smack him one really really hard. I do hope I never see him walking ds when he has him

Don't know what to say mate - he's evil and his family have changed their tune haven't they!!!

Original poster

jellyjelly · 03/08/2006 11:40

If you do see them give ds a big hug as he loves you. Yes they have changed tune he wont give me his address so i wont allow ds to go with them at all. Have to get solicitor to write a letter to his saying this.

Computer hasnt been working well, it took me about 3 hours to log on yesterday so havent emailed you much. Good news about the house- well done. Lots of other news for you though.

OP posts:

looneytune · 03/08/2006 11:52

I would love to but wasn't sure how that would go down. Once saw a friend of mine's little girl and said hello and waved and the grandparents who were with her looked at me all weird as if I was a nutter . All thanks to the weirdo's we get these days!!!

I don't understand about the address bit?? You know where he lives? Maybe me being thick as really really knackered this week!

What's all the other news then??? If can't email, can you tell me on here? I could call you but it's been a nightmare this week and you wouldn't be able to hear me anyway! lol

Original poster

jellyjelly · 03/08/2006 12:11

Ds knows you anyway so dont worry about that and if you see ds and her i want to know if they are on their own.

He has refused to give me his address and i cant go on hearsay, it has to come from him so letter has gone to his solicitor.

I got a mortgage in prinicpal and made an offer to him for the house. I joined a dating website for parents and i am having lots of fun. Things are good and i am going to ikea to buy some stuff for me.

OP posts:

looneytune · 03/08/2006 13:12

So did the other girl - she loves coming to play here and always happy to see me etc and then the blank look when she was with someone different! lol

Weird that he's told you where he's moving to then refuses to give you his address!!

Great news on the rest - so pleased you're being so positive Any more happened with that bloke?

looneytune · 03/08/2006 13:15

So did the other girl - she loves coming to play here and always happy to see me etc and then the blank look when she was with someone different! lol

Weird that he's told you where he's moving to then refuses to give you his address!!

Great news on the rest - so pleased you're being so positive Any more happened with that bloke?

looneytune · 03/08/2006 13:16

ooops

Original poster

jellyjelly · 03/08/2006 13:17

No nothing will hapen there, attration yes big time but nothing from him. Been talking to someone for hours online and he just gave me his number. He said he thought i was very funny.

OP posts:

kimi · 04/08/2006 16:14

Jellyjelly, i dont know where abouts you live (i am in middlesex) but we have 2 of those cars and you are welcome to one if would like it, then if they take the other one ds will have one at both houses.

Original poster

jellyjelly · 04/08/2006 17:48

That is so sweet, i will come back to you if that is alright. I will be telling them that they can swivel for it.

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 05/08/2006 17:55

my dad did this to me and my sister when we were kids and it did him no favours at all. there were clothes we wore once and toys that we never played with that are still in his attic now. it was pathetic and we knew it. we were older (7 and 9) but now im 24 i can still remember asking to take stuff home and being told no and all it did was upset me.

he is being a total arse and everyone is right he will be the bad guy. refuse to give in for the sake of your son. dont let him have the memories that i have.

Original poster

jellyjelly · 06/08/2006 14:58

I think i will keep getting phonecalls to get them back adn will get called all the names under the sun if i dont.

OP posts:

Tortington · 06/08/2006 15:21

i was wondering what i would do. on the one hand i know kids would grow up resenting him if he took their toys away. ( which if iwas in evil bitch state of mind would be a good thing if he was a twat)

on the other hand he is using the toys to get the love - you wold hae tosay " xxx toy is at daddies house you can play with it there"
followed by no doubt " when can i got o daddies house?"

on the other hand ( yes i have three) i would want him to fight for everything down to the smallest thing.

so having looked at my three hands i think i would tell him to shove it up his arse. -- but only if he contacted me in person - i would brooke no contact from his parents or friends. and immediatley hang up and not become involved in a family war - and wouldnd give a flying fuck monkey what they thught of me.

muma3 · 06/08/2006 15:47

i have the same problem with dd2 . she has loads of clothes and toys that she doesnt get to play with or wear . they want them becasue they have brought them with no thought for dd2 . she outgrows the clothes so quick and hardly ever wears some things and toys are soon forgotten . it does my head in that they have loads of clothes that i have brought her too as we dont see them and she gets to wear them 2-3 times before they are too small . it just is stubborn and selfish imo.

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