Ashamed of his gf's looks & still love her?

[stubbornwithlove]

Can a man be ashamed of what his girlfriend looks like but still love her?
A friend of mine is involved in a weird triangle. My friend, Amy is just back with her ex that she considers the love of her life. I'd say they do have a very deep connection & I actually do not doubt that he loves her. However his just ex is still in his mind. He is 55 btw & the ex is 16 yrs younger but he was actually always ashamed to be seen out with her and they never went away on holiday or even a weekend together even though they were together 2 years. Whereas he & Amy went away together quite a bit. The trouble is Amy considers him the love of her life and has not been with anyone since him, she's not interested even though she is still stunning. But she fears that he is he is still thinking of his ex and worries that he will go back to her whereas I'm saying there could be no future for someone who seems to be keeping a dirty secret like seeing someone but not wanting to be seen in public with them. Please put aside how shallow/superficial that makes him seem, we are all agreed on that but few people are perfect. The question is - would there be a future for them if he is secretly is ashamed of her but obviously likes something about her, can he change?

Please put aside how shallow/superficial that makes him seem, we are all agreed on that but few people are perfect.
Sheesh.
If you are really her best friend please tell Amy this is scraping the barrel, she can do better.

Well it would be great if the ex looked like somebody deeply unfashionable, maybe Jilly Cooper, or Edwina Currie? That way Amy will feel reassured that she is the top lady in his heart.

But if the ex looks more like say, Jordan, then I can see a real dilemma there.

The best advice is that Amy must work very hard to keep herself as attractive as possible, to give her the strongest chance of keeping her man.

Bear in mind that many pubs and bars now use 'mood lighting' which may give the ex a head start. Try to expose her to daylight, if this is convenient.

I think that's exactly the point, Nicked you're so right.
He just doesn't sound like a good man.

OP, thanks for clarifying, sometimes people come and post about someone else when the someone else is actually themself, IYSWIM. It would be more straightforward if you could have got Amy to post herself. But perhaps she wouldn't like our replies. I think she should dump this twunt.

OK, I'm going to play devils advocate here and say... Have none of you ever been out with anyone your a bit ashamed of being seen with?

I have.

He's a prat.
Amy's a numpty.
Next!

He was ashamed of his ex's looks? Poor woman I think she's the lucky one to escape this Hugh Hefner twat

This is very clear.

Amy is a closeted lesbian. She has a deep desire for the other ex, which she is masking by talking about her as "ugly" and "shameful". She feels an intense sexual, and even spiritual, connection with the other woman which she cannot admit to herself and is what is driving her desire for the man, whom she perceives as the link in the chain that brings them together.

These strong feelings are mischaracterised as a sense that the man is the "love of her life".

The throwaway detail - that the man would not take the other woman out in public - has assumed an immense significance in Amy's personal narrative, symbolising that her own sexuality is the part of herself that she will not take out in public. This woman has come to stand for that sexuality, that forbidden, longed for, part of her own self, and in order to fully integrate and heal all parts of her psyche, Amy longs to be with that woman and, indeed, "take her out in public" - go out into the world with her, as lovers.

The man, on the other hand, sounds like a total dick.

Everyone in this story sounds really lovely....

Jolene, jolene,jolene, jo leeeeee

you are ugly beyond compare with tangled, matted, dirty hair

yet still I can't compete with you jolene :(

genuine LOLs there, LEM! just as well I am working at home today.

Gin is right: it's becoming like Cluedo in here these days.

Maybe he was ashamed to be seen with her because she is 16 years older? Is he worried about being mistaken for her father, ( or, I was going to say, Jimmy Savile, but I stopped myself just in time).

Sorry, he is 16 years older, she is 16 years younger.

He screams about you in his sleep,

And there's nothing i can do to help his nightmares

When he sees your face Jolene

this is a 46-year-old woman and a 55-year-old-man??? Sound made for each other, frankly.

Very deep and insightful, Dusk. I think you've got it!

Are you the ugly ex?

maybe, Garlic [tosses matted hair coyly]

Hair looks good!

This situation sounds familiar.

I'm sure it was in sex & the city.....or something

It's a bit like 'Jane Eyre' with the ugly ex being the mad wife in the attic. But of course she died in the fire. That might be something of a drastic solution to the problem. So not recommending it cos it would be murder.

If the ex is so shallow I'd think the likelihood of him leaving Amy for someone even more attractive than her rather than returning to the ugly ex was rather higher. That would be doing her a favour though.

Sounds to me like this is one of those men who likes to have a whole string of women trotting anxiously after him, all desperate to be The One who makes him commit. If he's 55 he's probably stepped up his manipulations and mythologising about how wonderful and desirable he is, as he'll be aware that time's running out; he's going to be losing his hair, teeth and capacity to get it up fairly soon.
Unless Amy is a dimwitted loser, she can do better elsewhere.

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Oh and, spot on sgb