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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So this week I shagged my ex husband

60 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 29/01/2014 16:03

Discuss!!!!!!

OP posts:
coffeeinbed · 30/01/2014 08:32

See!
That should have been my life.

TinselTownley · 30/01/2014 08:54

Don't beat yourself up over it. The play was not very good. Whoever thought reworking the Cherry Orchard into a drama about a former Prime Minister's wife would ever be a good idea? The Cherie Awkward it was called. Jenny Agutter was Carol Caplin. She got her naps out, like in everything other than the Railway Children. Afterwards, Serge encircled my tiny 22 inch waist with his big manly hands so I poked him in the eye with a cocktail stick. I left the olive on.

Not good. I fly to Prague tonight for some R&R. The children will Skype me from the kindergarten. Their little lives are not worth living when I am gone, even for my lunch break......

TinselTownley · 30/01/2014 08:56

Baps. Not naps. Although, because of my great beauty,I was asked to sleep in a glass case in favour of Tilda Swinton once. But that is - as they say - another story.

coffeeinbed · 30/01/2014 09:47

I like a bit of Chekhov.
The angst and melancholy.
Mind you that turned something else for poor Serge, it's hard to appreciate melancholy with a cocktail stick in one's eyes.
It would be hard to appreciate even Jenny/Carol's baps with a cocktail stick in such an inappropriate place.

houmousandcarrotsandwich · 30/01/2014 11:25

Pmsl at the tangent! Grin

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 30/01/2014 11:34

This is not going to end well Mozz. You are coming across as very juvenile and I am sure you aren't.

musicismylife · 30/01/2014 13:22

Black slapping

Mishmash, I really hope you meant back slapping

Grin
TinselTownley · 30/01/2014 23:43

Poor Serge my perfectly-formed, peachy arse! The many nights I have spent alone, waiting for the KGB to haul me from my bed for naked interrogation. You cannot imagine the unbearable pain and hardship of having to make sure all unwanted hair is removed, each blemish covered and every eyelash individually curled just so one can sleep for a few meagre hours!

To make matters worse, my slim (yet shapely) legs are just too long for a standard bed and each night I am cold and cramped. Serge's attendance is not sufficient. I need the calf massage and he is onboard an oligarch's yacht pandering to Mandelson or Kate Moss. All that keeps me going is the children. They all love me much more than they do their own old, fat, drudges of mothers so I must stay strong. If I were to die, who would fulfil their innate need for prettiness and power? Not the sad, droopy old sad bags they go home to each day.

After the incident with the marching powder and the guns, I say to Serge: "Enough! I cannot allow you to bring such insecurity to the poor unloved kindergarten children anymore. You do not understand that, in the absence of all beauty in their tiny underprivileged lives, I am mother and father to them all." His contempt as he grabs my 32EE breasts is palpable. I gather all the strength I have in my 5ft8 8'stone frame and tell him: "Enough! I will find myself a normal partner. A good honest, British man."

This is how the relationship began with the OP's ex .

Please do not judge me.

Celeste.

Straitjacket · 31/01/2014 03:43

Well, the things you read on MN Grin

Mishmashfamily · 01/02/2014 21:40

Fuckin ell! Yes back slapping !!

This thread got interesting towards the end ! Isn't sergi the meer cat Ina red robe? Boy.... He gets about!!!

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