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Original poster

I think he faked an orgasm

26 replies

SimpleSimonette · 28/01/2014 22:02

... which sounds really bizarre, but there it is. We have a really good sex life, communicate well, yada yada yada, but last night was suddenly very weird. He sorted me out, which he's very good at, but then he kind of jerked about, made some noises and flopped back on the bed (which, in case you're wondering, is not quite what normally happens) I'm not sure I'm expressing myself very well - I would have talked to him about it but he kind of jumped up straight away and went for a bath, which again, is somewhat out of character. Do blokes fake orgasms? What the hell for?

And yes, I've NC'd for this, so this looks like my first post, but I'm trying to be a bit more discreet (hell, even on MN).

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/01/2014 22:05

I really wouldn't take it to heart.. sometimes you just can't be bothered.. there are times I can't be arsed and will move things along...it applys to men as well. you were sorted and he was happy to leave it there probably.

Ask him if it's bothering you but if it's just a one off I really wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

MrsMarcMarquez · 28/01/2014 22:06

Yes they do. Usually because they don't want to carry on and think they can't just say so without hurting feelings.

Original poster
SimpleSimonette · 28/01/2014 22:26

Meh. How hard is it to just say 'Can we stop?' Bloody paranoid now!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/01/2014 22:34

because that would be too easy.

Just bring it up with him if it''s bothering you.. it obviously is and i'll put money on it not being a problem with you though.

NachoAddict · 28/01/2014 22:37

Dp has done this. Think he was knackered and not really feeling it so pretended so as not to hurt my feelings.

Don't worry about it.

Coolforcatz · 28/01/2014 22:45

The title reminded me of a scene in The Naked Gun when Frank Drebbin said he faked every orgasm!

Anyway, men, just like women, 'lose the feeling' at times. It's easier for women to fake it because there's no hard evidence, but I guess he didn't want to hurt your feelings by not going through the usual repertoire. Just talk to him about it, and if you can't then him not orgasming is the least of your worries.

Original poster
SimpleSimonette · 28/01/2014 22:51

Yup, i think I might gently bring it up. ha ha. I don't want him to think he can't just say 'I'm done now'. We're usually very open, which is probably why this has thrown me a bit.

OP posts:
Fudgeface123 · 29/01/2014 10:48

What did he do after his bath? Did he stay in or go out?

Lweji · 29/01/2014 10:53

He probably finished it in the bath. Grin

I'd let it go, unless it started happening most times.

Dahlen · 29/01/2014 10:56

Do you use condoms? If you don't, I'd expect there to be semen evidence if he did orgasm.

But that's by the by. I have faked orgasms in the past, but not with my current partner because I don't feel the need to protect his feelings to that degree. Our relationship is solid enough and both our egos robust enough to cope with the occasional loss of 'performance.' We do talk about it but it doesn't happen very honest, which is probably why it isn't a problem.

I think women are more used to having sex without orgasm because we are culturally conditioned to see male ejaculation as the main 'point' of sex with men being bitterly disappointed if it doesn't happen, whereas women are expected to still be able to enjoy sex even if they don't come. Fortunately, attitudes are changing (though porn isn't helping matters), but I think it's still the case that women are more matter of fact about failing to orgasm than men are. It can result in them feeling a loss of masculinity.

I think maybe your BF/DP/DH was just embarrassed by the fact he couldn't reach an orgasm and reacted instinctively by trying to deny and escape.

I'd probably leave it unless it happens again. If you need to talk about it, probably the best time is after really good sex where you've both orgasmed as he will be left feeling like he's got nothing to prove.

sebsmummy1 · 29/01/2014 11:03

I can understand your feelings. Sometimes I don't want to come after my partner has orgasmed, but I wouldn't fake it. I just lay down and cuddle and we haven't really talked about it as most of the time I do come and I'm happy.

I am not sure how you would broach it really without inadvertently making it a big deal and as though he almost lied to you by faking. I would probably chalk it up as one of those things, next time name sure he comes first and just move on. If it becomes a regular thing then I think that's the time to talk about it.

Original poster
SimpleSimonette · 29/01/2014 13:45

No, we don't use condoms, and there wasn't the after clear up, which is one of the reasons I was a bit Hmm. He came back to bed after the bath. I've decided not to mention it - a one off doesn't seem like something to worry about too much. I guess my main fear is that I was doing something wrong!

OP posts:
ThinkFirst · 29/01/2014 13:52

I doubt very much you did anything wrong, he probably just lost it, it happens to the best of them. He probably ran off to the bath so you wouldn't be upset and blame yourself. He did sort you out first, so he wasn't selfish about it.
Let this one go, but if it happens again let him know that you know, and he doesn't have to hide it.

Freyalright · 29/01/2014 15:59

I had this conversation with a group of guy friends not long ago. Out of 10, they all said they had faked it on more than one occasion.

Original poster
SimpleSimonette · 29/01/2014 16:16

No, he's never selfish. Which is nice. But I can't help feeling I let him down somehow.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/01/2014 17:25

do you struggle in general to accept that maybe somethings aren't about you.. what you may or may not have done and things just are? It might .
explain why he didn't say anything.

You're having sex with each other.. you should be able to talk about sex with him. I'll bet it doesn't happen the next time and if it did.. bring it up and ask him if anythings up.

Original poster
SimpleSimonette · 29/01/2014 18:58

Hmm, you may be on to something there, my self esteem has been pretty poor for a number of years. You're right, I've made this about me Shock and it's not.

OP posts:
LyndaCartersBigPants · 29/01/2014 19:02

Could he have sustained some sort of injury?! My DP sometimes gets a little tear in his foreskin if he gets over-enthusiastic and I notice the sudden change in tempo and a brief wince, although he usually soldiers on! It could be that your DP hurt himself, or perhaps you were a bit vigorous with your hand/mouth/whichever part of you was involved! Just a thought.

neiljames77 · 29/01/2014 19:13

I've faked it when I've been really knackered. It's good that you haven't grilled him about it though. I however, was given the Spanish inquisition afterwards.

Original poster
SimpleSimonette · 29/01/2014 19:34

Did you expect it? Wink

Thanks for everyone's suggestions and perspectives.

OP posts:
SirRaymondClench · 29/01/2014 19:54

Neil can I ask you, if your wife faked it and you guessed she had, how would you react? Genuine question, not having a go, I would like to know.
I think the majority of us would feel a bit hurt or down about it and feel a bruise to the ego.
Even if we know it's not about us (unless it keeps happening. And then what?)
Op please don't worry. Problem is you'll be watching out from now on to see if he is faking or not. Sad

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 29/01/2014 19:56

If he had said "we can stop?" you would have asked why and it would have made a potential small issue into a big one.

neiljames77 · 29/01/2014 21:53

SimpleSimonette - I thought I'd got away with but like others have said, lack of evidence blew my cover.

SirRaymondClench - when we could be bothered doing it, with the kids in the next room, it was usually a routine jump just to clear the cobwebs with a rolled up pair of socks behind the headboard, us spooning and me wriggling like a worm trying not to make the bed creak. It's hardly the kind of stuff that makes the earth move. If we had the house to ourselves and I'd brought my A game to the event, then yeah, I'd be a bit disappointed if she didn't have at least a couple.

BelaLugosisShed · 30/01/2014 08:10

People do know that men can have an orgasm without ejaculating, don't they?
Just as they can sometimes ejaculate without orgasm.

Sweden99 · 30/01/2014 08:45

I am sure you have faked one in the past, as a man you do not generarlly have to fake very convinicng as women do not think men do that and also generally think they are much better at sex than average.

The jerking about is so you do not notice the feeling of ejaculation on the sharft not being there. It should like you could be right.

However, you might not be and even if you are, once is not often and was kindly meant. The alterntaive is pulling out and explaining he did not really feel in the mood.

Please, do not worry about this.

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