When things go WAY too far at a party?

[whogivesadamn]

Several of my friends have had full sex forced upon them at some time or other but, quite recently, it happened to me at a party.

It wasn't violent or brutal but he was just a lot stronger than me and he wanted his way and I couldn't stop him, even though I kept telling him I didn't want him to do it.

He's a popular guy and I suppose you could say he's a nice guy apart from what he did. I honestly believe he doesn't think he did anything wrong cos afterwards he was as nice to me as if I'd done it willingly.

I've told my best friends what happened but, even though my head is totally messed up, I daren't tell anyone in authority cos all Hell will break loose and I don't want the trouble and the shame for me or my family or my life in general.

Am I being unreasonable in keeping silent?

I'm still here after going away and coming back. I'm sorry for posting this thread in the wrong place. Guess I screwed up again.

Everybody on the thread is talking good sense to me and I'm very grateful. I know I must do something but I'm not yet sure exactly what. One thing's for sure - I remember every little detail with total clarity and I really need to get it out of my head and into words so somebody is in for a lot of listening.

I am going to do something.

Ring RapeCrisis - they will help you get it out of your head and in to words. They will also help with the practical next steps.

Look after yourself

You will drive yourself mad if you don't deal with it now, OP. And get angry, too. How dare he treat you like that then act as though you'd consented?

do make the call OP and talk it through with someone used to hearing this kind of thing and used to the feelings that come with it.

the obvious stuff has already been said: he's not nice, he's a rapist, he knew exactly what he was doing. there is no non brutal way to force your penis inside of someone who doesn't want it there is there? it is violent, it is brutal. just because he didn't also beat you doesn't mean he hasn't raped you.

Dont worry where you have posted, you haven't screwed anything up.please be brave enough to report, or he may do it again.be kind to yourself.

nice guys don't rape. Nice guys know it is wrong. Doesn't matter if it is a party, doesn't matter what time of day or night, all that matters is that you said no and he forced you.

please, please report. You are a victim of crime and deserve help. There is NO shame on you.

You've not 'screwed up' that night, nor here. Really, you haven't.
He, otoh, has. Big time. And should have to face the music IMO.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your reports and your concern. OP, we've sent you an email.

and

call Rape Crisis
they will help you cope
they won't make you report him
xxxx

you have been raped.
call rape crisis.

you have been raped and your mind is trying to cope. if you tell yourself he's a nice guy and didn't know it was rape, it makes it less threatening for you. but although its a coping strategy, it isn't the truth.

the man knew you didn't want sex and still did it.
please get help for yourself.
and justice for him.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. You didn't give your consent, you stated no as well, this man is a rapist. Please use the contact numbers provided to get support and advice.