Men that genuinely love their wives do not cheat. Ditto women that love their husbands don't cheat. There might be love-of-a-sort there but it's dishonest. How can it not be?
There are plenty of relationships between affair partners that work out; perhaps they are better suited than in the original relationships. My ex-partner is happier now - and I think in a better relationship - than he was with me. It's pointless trying to hold on when one partner feels that cheating is an option for them; better to leave, in my opinion. It was a terrible time but, when he cheated, it wasn't me, it was HIM. Partners can't be 'taken', they choose to go.
Some posters persist in the idea that marrying a mistress creates a vacancy; it doesn't. That kind of 'sop' is patronising and really annoys me. It really does a disservice to women too; is it ever said the other way around? No, it isn't. I know of several long-term married couples, who are together following an affair, who are devoted to each other. I think it's unlikely that a couple who has been through an affair, made a relationship with each other, would typically go through such an upheaval only to cheat again. It's yet another comfort-giving yet meaningless platitude in my opinion.
I think that 'other women' often fall into relationships with married men rather than actively pursue them. There may be some that do pursue but I think that there are many OW who do not wish to take the man from his wife, they don't want what she 'has'.
I also think that, as painful as it is to consider, affairs fulfil a missing part of relationships, the 'best bits' the 'highlights' that can sometimes fall by the wayside in marriage/living together partnerships. Both people involved in affairs are free to leave, share the 'best bits' of each other and don't really have to face reality. If you think about it, it's not really surprising that so many affairs occur. I know of two women of my acquaintance whose husbands are having affairs. Both women say that their husband would never... Maybe they are in denial, maybe they really believe that, who knows?
Marriages and relationships that break up are very sad, particularly if there are children involved, but both parents can make sure that lives are not 'destroyed' by a break up. Marriages and relationships break up for many reasons, not just affairs, so if we're saying that affairs cause 'destroyed lives' then we have to accept that break ups for any other reason also cause 'destroyed lives'.
This subject crops up very often but I doubt OW will be 'flushed out' into posting on the thread because they're usually vilified.