Man's Mid Life Crisis From the OW's Side

[Joy5]

Two years and a bit on from the end of my marriage, i'm starting to wonder what its been like for the OW.

Is it really that much fun to be with a man who's destroyed his family, and his children's happiness? Have all the problems been worth the new relationship?

Will the new relationship even survive long term?

Would just be interested to hear the other side's point of view.

Mad he was a coward and a dick. I never really noticed him as he was in a different department, but once he was on my radar I thought he was a bit wet tbh, I never thought for a second he would fall for the seduction as he just didnt seem to have the balls to cheat!

Determined, lacking in empathy for the wife and family of her beau, but presumably not lacking in empathy generally.

Library I don't know. I didn't really ask too much. I think it was a month too long, tbh. My exH is still with the OW. I just think she must be a very different sort of person to my friend who did, at least, have a conscious eventually!

I think determination is a big part, along with a healthy dose of arrogance and self obsession. I would imagine too that either a lack of empathy or the ability to be self deluding would be a major ingredient on an OW psyche. :o @ the OW being the most empathetic person she knows, presumably that would be as the her OH is the cheating MM!

For someone who hasn't cheated, it seems like a miserable existence.

But maybe for these 'special' people, maybe self-deceit is the greater force?

(sorry, too many maybes in that post!)

Marry the mistress.... create a vacancy.

Says it all really.

Oh dear, they're not coming out too well are they .

I think OW in my case, amongst the determination, absent empathy, arrogance, self obsession and self delusion must also lack a sense of smell.

This is helping me. I've never spoken about her before. Bored everyone Spoken plenty about HIM but not her.

Bogeyface clearly I don't know why your man left you, but there are always two sides to ever story

Bl00dyhell

I have never been in possession of "my man" bleurgh!

I have never been left for the OW, never been left at all actually. Yes, there are 2 sides to every story, but if you think that happy men dont cheat you are either a fool, or the OW.

Oh bloody hell B100dy Hell - yes, there are always two sides to every story and it does not take two for a marriage to start to crumble but it only ever takes one person to make the decision to cheat - no woman, no matter what the reason, drives a man to be unfaithful - it's his choice to be unfaithful and as a result of his own shortcomings. Your post seems to indicate the opposite

Agree with Winnie

The problem with being left for someone else is that the person who has been left doesn't have a coherent narrative of what her/his own 'side' is because she/he has usually been unaware of the deceit and rationalisations of the errant party.

The hardest part is trying to piece together what was real and what wasn't, what was truth and what wasn't. So I don't go with that 'two sides' in the case of an affair - whatever the state of the marriage an affair is not the decent way to exit.

Also if you think that otherwise good people don't cheat, you'd be a fool.

The killer combination of opportunity and weakness create a cheat.

It's interesting to think about this, I'd say that an OW can be lacking in self esteem. I'd always imagined that they wanted to get something unobtainable to make themselves feel better? If that is the case the paranoia once they've got him must be crippling.

Bogey I can't comment on why your man left you, but making sweeping generalizations must makes you look bitter and twisted

But hey, why let the facts get in the way

I agree - no self esteem, narcissistic, low standards, no morals and very manipulative. Not an attractive combination really. I guess a weak man is easy to flatter.

Yes, a lack of self esteem maybe but also a sense of entitlement too. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a bag of contradictions like that.

The problem with affairs is that one person takes the unilateral decision to introduce another person into the marriage without the knowledge or consent of their spouse. The minute they do that, they are in the wrong.

It doesnt matter if he is in a sexless marriage, or she feel neglected because of his job. Doesnt matter. If you are unhappy you either face it head on and try to deal with it through counselling etc or you leave.

You dont treat your spouse like a fool and cheat.

Also Bl00dy dont forget that the vast majority of cheaters (men and women) dont want their marriages to end. They may SAY they do, but when push comes to shove, they dont leave unless forced to. I remember reading somewhere that said that if a cheater doesnt leave his/her spouse within 8 weeks they are unlikely to leave at all.

Its all about cake. They want to have their cake and eat it, which is why when confronted a MM will tell his wife that "she meant nothing" " it was a one off" "I love you, I dont care about her". This is the same man that told the OW "I love you, I am only with her for the kids" "I will leave after Xmass/Easter/the kids exams/her mum is better/the house is on the market".

Sorry didn't see my other post had appeared and don't know how to delete.

I hardly equipped to be OW

Bogey I can't comment on why your man left you, but making sweeping generalizations must makes you look bitter and twisted

And as I said before My husband has never left me. Yes he cheated, but he didnt want to leave, he begged me to give him another chance, threw the OW to wind without a seconds thought. And he isnt "my man" he is my husband. He is his own man.

I assume then that you have been the OW, or still are?

X post Bl00dy

Bogey yes, cake eaters. But - what about the MM who really have stayed for the kids, are planning to leave, have been up to all sorts to effect that behind the scenes, have stayed for years and lied to their spouses…….and the OW takes him on.

She has taken on a man who DID tell her how it is……she then has to do something about how she stays with a man who can appear happy and in love and committed whilst secretly doing something entirely different. No? What does that say about her?

I think bl00dyhell is a bloke.

This is all a bit trenchant for me, I can't imagine feeling anything other than sorry for most OW. Strikes me it's easy to be moral and have high standards when you want for nothing and have an essentially balanced/healthy view of the world - I'm guessing a lot of these women don't have that, and a lot of the time that won't be their fault directly.

Not been me on the receiving end though...