Why do I feel like this?

[CrestaRun]

It"s my 50th on Monday & DH has already spent a massive amount on me, which is lovely and I'm extremely grateful to him.
Today he tells me he'd planned a surprise for my birthday but it can't happen now without my input, so he's had to tell me, hence spoiling the surprise (this doesn't bother me, he's the one wishing it was still a surprise btw).

However, I'm really really 'meh' about the surprise, even though it is something I've wanted for a while! Why? Why? Why?!

I can't decide if it's because the 'surprise' element has gone, although I'm not a 'surprise' type of person, or if it means I just wasn't THAT bothered about the item, or if it feels like he's trying to 'buy' my love/affection because our marriage isn't always that great.

I feel completely 'flat' about the gesture, even though I think it probably is meant with love.

Perhaps you have all the material things you actually want but feel like you have to have a desire for something, then when you get it you are "meh" because you didn't really want it in the first place?

I've run out of ideas then!

Do you nines rely not have any ideas as to what's most likely?

Wtf....autocorrect.

Do you really not

Why are people so quick to condemn marriages?? Was that what you were looking for when you posted OP? I didn't think so.

People on here are so supportive of women in need, in a really touching way, but this is like the tenth thread I've read tonight with people jumping on the 'he's clearly a shit husband' wagon. I don't get it. They're not ALL scumbags!

Op thinks her husband is in the wrong for buying her jewelry even though she set him up to do it

I'd say that was a bit shit, actually

Mmm... i see your point.

I posted because I couldn't work out whether I don't really want these things, or whether there's some subconscious thing going on, Sa88y. I think there is a subconscious thing going on, but I'm surprised at some of the comments!

How have I set him up to do it??!

I did not ask for the jewellery, I already knew I was having a hotel break which was what I'd asked for and am pleased about!

Is it a bit like the valentines thing?? Buy me a bunch of flowers on January 14th and I'm mush. On the 14th Feb it's meh in its predictability and lack of novelty.... Does that make any sense?

It's not about the presents, it's about the fact she isn't happy with him, so no matter what she gets, it doesn't fill that gap. And she doesn't want to enjoy the gifts because he'd think everything was OK, then. By not enjoying the gifts, she's telling him that what he's bought her isn't enough to make her happy. Not that she wants more cash spent on her, but that she wants something other than gifts.

He's having the hotel break too, though, isn't he?

Is he shit in bed?

I think Sa88y is right,
Does he do nice things for no reason or just on occasions?

First world problem... next ZZZZzzzzzzz

I cannot believe you are creating anxiety over your husband buying you a piece of jewellery, that you chose, for your 50th?! He loves you and likes to buy you nice gifts. Yes? Or is there something you're not saying.

Personally I hope when I turn 50 that somebody buys me a piece of jewellery and a lovely hotel break.

Tell you what's worse- when a man forgets your birthday, two years in a row, only you know he hasn't forgotten because it was the sane day as his dads and he remembered that. Happened to me. I was pregnant too. Felt really special. If I'd read this thread then if have wanted to poke you in the eye!!!

I think IB has it
I need to have a think about how to make it work. I either have to accept him for what he is or ship out I suppose.

I didn't want the damn jewellery. I was perfectly happy with the hotel break. Anything else is unnecessary and feels like he's trying to impress me. Why? I don't need to be impressed.

That was to mamma. Sorry also that your shit DH forgot your birthday. Twice.

When did you last feel empowered to 'impress' him. Is it possible your emptiness comes from having thwarted your own career potential so he could pursue his?

It's never too late to start a career or training. If, at 50, you are no longer happy to be 'kept' and you blame him, it will be too late for your relationship.

Perhaps you need to even the score a bit then see how the marriage works as equals?

It's not a career thing, I'm not 'kept' either . It's a bit predictable like Sa88y mentioned, but it also goes deeper, as IB picked up on.

Cresta I came back this morning to post something very similar to IB, you don't want the gifts you want something else sorting in your life. Whether that is with your H or something else, it's why the gifts are meaningless because they're not filling the "whole".

My h is being extra extra helpful around the house rather than do anything about the elephants in our relationship. I have even very nicely discussed with him what I would like him to do. It has made no difference so I guess I have got decisions to make for myself.

Thanks Random, it's difficult because to all intents & purposes he is a good man.
He doesn't drink, works hard, treats his family well. But, if there are some things he does and doesn't do that bother me to the extent I'm feeling like this!

I have a lot invested in the relationship, so it feels crazy to walk away. I'm not happy, but not that unhappy either. That doesn't mean it doesn't bug me though!

Ditto - we are living in an emotionless relationship. It is not awful in that we co-parent well. However the thought of this for the next 5 let alone 15 years just kills me. I feel unreasonable that I want a partner who offers me emotional support and comfort...

See, he'd offer emotional suppport like a shot, (for a bloke he's incredibly sensitive -in a nice not wimpish way, I mean) but it's like I've locked him out because he won't change. Yet, it's not him who needs to change, it's how I react that needs to change, hence why I have to decide whether to put up or shut up!