I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

[BunnyLebowski]

I was going to name change but fuck it.

I have no friends. None. Not one.

I have no social life. I haven't been on a proper night out in years.

I am a SAHM and pregnant with DC2. We live in a city where we have no family. Just me and DP. Every night. On the sofa watching box sets. We have become far too co-dependent and I am filling up with resentment about it .

I had awful experiences at both school and uni with groups of girls who I thought were my friends and have ended up quite damaged and I think self-protective because of it.

I am a good person. I am kind and thoughtful and a good listener. I love company and really miss laughing with a friend over silly things.

However I have been told many times that I am intimidating. I really don't mean to be. Resting bitch face maybe?! I am smart and witty but also sarcastic, intolerant of idiots and am maybe just a wee bit judgemental. If anyone has seen Cougar Town I think I'm a bit like Ellie .

I am a wannabe 50's pin-up who drinks whiskey and quotes films with probably irritating regularity. I find it easier to talk to men in social scenarios (mainly because DP's friends are the only people I see in a social setting) but I haven't connected with anyone as a proper friend.

I don't like a lot of the designated 'girly' activities. I hate shopping. I hate romcoms and pink wine. I would rather eat my own head than go out clubbing in a big group of girls. I don't watch soaps or I'm a Celebrity. Hen dos bring me out in hives.

I made myself go to baby/toddler groups with DD1 and I hated every minute. As much as I love my DD I don't want to talk just about babies and BLW etc which is the experience I had. Competitive parenting everywhere.

In the past 5 years I have met 2 people who I initially thought I might be able to forge a friendship with.

One is a complete drama llama who dramatically declared herself an alcoholic then decided she wasn't and now gets drunk and rants on FB most nights. And once made a pass at DP. Needless to say she's off the list.

Person No.2 is someone I thought I had a lot in common with (50's clothing and kitsch etc) but is very much a Mimi and turns out has at least mild homophobic and racist tendencies .

I say hello to people on the school run but many of the mums seem quite cliquey (could be me projecting because of my bad experiences) and besides how do you turn a school run hello into a friendship??

When I see people on FB having big get-togethers or checking in on their sofa with their friends and wine I like I positively seethe with envy. Recently I have started getting really upset about the whole situation.

I have this vision of living somewhere where I make friends with a group of the neighbours and we have raucous nights in around the table laughing and listening to music. Sad much?? .

How can I make friends? Are there any people out there like me? At 33 am I destined to be this sad twat for the rest of my days? Has anyone been in a similar situation and changed it?

Alternatively are there any rent-a-friend websites?!

If you have made it to the end of this pathetic rant for you.

[CailinDana]

I have a great bunch of close female friends who I could call on in the middle of the night. I've been to two clubs in my whole life, don't talk about soaps or big brother and am definitely not "girly". If you assume all the women you meet are inane or not interesting or "weird" enough then it's not surprising if you find it hard to make friends. Absolutely everyone is weird in some way. Everyone.

[cherry219]

You've just described me to a T. I'd be your friend if I didn't live in South Wales.

FWIW, before I knew about MN, I posted a self-pitying 'be my friend' post on NM 'Meet-a-mum', and met two of the best lovely ladies in the world. I don't know what I'd do without them.

I'm sure someone'll pop up soon who lives near you, there seem to be enough of us around :D

[JanetAndRoy]

I'm in Sussex, but sounds like we'd get on like a house on fire. Could bloody murder a dry martini right now...


I got so lonely that I started going out to the same place at the same time every week, essentially a date with myself (party of one...) but with the hope that I would meet "regulars" in order to strike up a conversation.
I have little interest in school-run Mummy friends. Just because we all have sex at roughly the same time does not a life-long friendship make.

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

With both citysocializer and meetup there is a 'host' who will usually make a bit of effort to make sure you are ok. Also, everyone there is sort of in the same boat, so people do make an effort to chat.

You should see whether there is anything that interests you on meetup. For example there are book groups and things like that, so if you went along to something like that there would be an obvious common ground to chat about.

I'm not saying you will necessarily meet a BFF, but you will expand your 'network' if that makes sense, and who knows where that could lead!

I do get that it's intimidating but if you are that frustrated with how your life is at the moment friends-wise then I think it's worth doing something outwith your comfort zone.

[RhondaJean]

Bunny can I be your mate too, I wanted to be your mate from the thread title just because referencing beck is cool and then I read your first post and wanted to even more!

I'm in sw Scotland though not w yorks.

[alistron1]

I like you OP because you have quoted a beck song in your thread title.

[Elfhame]

If anyone knows how to make friends at the school gates can they let me in on the secret!

I have one friend and she works opposite hours to me and doesn't live very close by.

[MadBusLady]

Yeah, I'm listening to the album now

[Ditavontitty]

I am really by your post bunny-I have chatted to you loads over on s&b under a variety of name changes and I have always thought of you as really cool-definately a Rizzo and not a Sandy!

You were one of my inspirations for thinking fuck it and completely changing the way I dress-ie 50's,pin up style-so cheers for that!

I am nowhere near you sadly and I think I may love pink wine a wee bit too much for us to be true soul mates but I would be happy to be a pen pal or to add you on my fb if you pm me.

Don't feel that you are alone in feeling like this either-ostensibly I have lots of friends,great social life etc. The reality is I only have 1 friend who I would class as a real friend and I often feel lonely and wonder how the fuck did I end up here

[BunnyLebowski]

Garlic

As I've stated in my posts I have put myself out there and tried to forge friendships with all sorts of people. It hasn't worked.

I accept that I am an acquired taste and to be honest I would rather carry on as I am than have 'friends' who I have nothing in common with just for the sake of it.

Nowhere in my OP did I dismiss all women and the interests I mentioned are small parts of my life and not defining characteristics. I want girlfriends. I would love to have someone to go to the cinema with or to museums etc.

I said that I tend to find it easier to get on with men because I see a few of DP's friends every few months. I do not see any women in a social setting. That's not me letting down the sisterhood, it's just my life at the moment. Hopefully it will change soon.

[BunnyLebowski]

I love you Pin.... oh I mean Dita . I really wish you were closer!

[PaperBagPrincess]

I think having small children does this to some of us. I have only clawed back some semblance of fucking FUN since my kids both started primary school and I went back to work.

No advice, but you sound like my kinda gal .

[TheNightIsDark]

Another saddo loser signing in.

24, 3 DCs (4,3,4months) and doing a degree. From home. So I still don't meet anyone.

I want people to go to the pub with, just someone to text that isn't DP or my mum and just someone new to talk to.

I don't even care if you want inane chatter. I would quickly google cbb whilst waiting for coffee

We've lived here (Northampton) for a year. DS has been at the school 4 months and I've spoken to maybe one person at the gates.

Being a grown up sucks.

Bunny you're not alone!

[CailinDana]

Do you notice bunny that people are saying "I'll be your friend, I like...martini/beck/50s style. That is not what friendship is about. My friends and I have quite different tastes. We like each other not how cool or weird we are.

[TheNightIsDark]

I also look permanently pissed off. Even when I'm not. This doesn't help the social outcast situation

[IorekByrnisonsArmour]

I haven't rtft yet, but Bunny I think I love you to

I will rtft now

[Ditavontitty]

I have loads of casual friends but I think I put lots of people off being a closer friend as I am loud and tend to laugh way too much even when its really not appropriate. Actually I have been told I cackle

[GarlicReturns]

I accept that I am an acquired taste and to be honest I would rather carry on as I am than have 'friends' who I have nothing in common with

OK, well this is what's going wrong I think. Everybody's an acquired taste. Those moments when you happen into a group of people who just click, and are instantly close, are rare & precious. In between those times, we get friendly with assorted folks on the basis that you have to start a network somewhere - and if they like you, they'll introduce you to people they feel you might like.

You don't want to cut any slack for women whom you don't see as your type. I consider this self-limiting, but you're entitled to your own attitudes. All the same, you either have to start a 50s revival club and hope suitable people come along, or carry on being yourself - in a friendly way - with the women you do meet.

How come you & DH never talk to women?

[TheNightIsDark]

I apparently comment inappropriatly (sp )
No love. It's called truthfully.

I'm beginning to see why I have no friends!

[NigellasDealer]

I hate shopping. I hate romcoms and pink wine. I would rather eat my own head than go out clubbing in a big group of girls. I don't watch soaps or I'm a Celebrity. Hen dos bring me out in hives
trust me you are not alone

[LEMmingaround]

I want to be bunny's friend

[GarlicReturns]

I meant to say: Everybody's an acquired taste, but you're not allowing enough time & space for the acquisition!

[CailinDana]

First time I met my closest local friend she was talking about bloody Made in Chelsea! I could have written her off as not my kind of person but I didn't and now two years later (and yes it can take that long) she is one of my best friends. I genuinely love her. But if she opens her mouth about MIC I tell her to STFU

[LEMmingaround]

I hate shopping, i hate romcoms, but i don't mind pink wine - i prefer a good pint of real beer or a JD and coke but i'll not throw it back at you if you offer me wine what is pink :) Clubbing - oh perlease? I hated it when i was younger, im not about to be the granny on the grab a granny night.

Thing is, vegging on the sofa watching box sets with DP sounds like bliss :)

[mammadiggingdeep]

Hahahaha....was thinking you sounded great and I'd love to be your friend. Then you blew it by saying you hate shopping and pink wine. Me and you could never be friends.

Seriously...I think you're being hard on yourself and maybe trying to find a certain type of friend. You sound great and if I met you at a toddler group/ out through mutual mates I know I'd like to chat to you, despite our differences....(seriously- you don't like ANY Rom coms???)