I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

[BunnyLebowski]

I was going to name change but fuck it.

I have no friends. None. Not one.

I have no social life. I haven't been on a proper night out in years.

I am a SAHM and pregnant with DC2. We live in a city where we have no family. Just me and DP. Every night. On the sofa watching box sets. We have become far too co-dependent and I am filling up with resentment about it .

I had awful experiences at both school and uni with groups of girls who I thought were my friends and have ended up quite damaged and I think self-protective because of it.

I am a good person. I am kind and thoughtful and a good listener. I love company and really miss laughing with a friend over silly things.

However I have been told many times that I am intimidating. I really don't mean to be. Resting bitch face maybe?! I am smart and witty but also sarcastic, intolerant of idiots and am maybe just a wee bit judgemental. If anyone has seen Cougar Town I think I'm a bit like Ellie .

I am a wannabe 50's pin-up who drinks whiskey and quotes films with probably irritating regularity. I find it easier to talk to men in social scenarios (mainly because DP's friends are the only people I see in a social setting) but I haven't connected with anyone as a proper friend.

I don't like a lot of the designated 'girly' activities. I hate shopping. I hate romcoms and pink wine. I would rather eat my own head than go out clubbing in a big group of girls. I don't watch soaps or I'm a Celebrity. Hen dos bring me out in hives.

I made myself go to baby/toddler groups with DD1 and I hated every minute. As much as I love my DD I don't want to talk just about babies and BLW etc which is the experience I had. Competitive parenting everywhere.

In the past 5 years I have met 2 people who I initially thought I might be able to forge a friendship with.

One is a complete drama llama who dramatically declared herself an alcoholic then decided she wasn't and now gets drunk and rants on FB most nights. And once made a pass at DP. Needless to say she's off the list.

Person No.2 is someone I thought I had a lot in common with (50's clothing and kitsch etc) but is very much a Mimi and turns out has at least mild homophobic and racist tendencies .

I say hello to people on the school run but many of the mums seem quite cliquey (could be me projecting because of my bad experiences) and besides how do you turn a school run hello into a friendship??

When I see people on FB having big get-togethers or checking in on their sofa with their friends and wine I like I positively seethe with envy. Recently I have started getting really upset about the whole situation.

I have this vision of living somewhere where I make friends with a group of the neighbours and we have raucous nights in around the table laughing and listening to music. Sad much?? .

How can I make friends? Are there any people out there like me? At 33 am I destined to be this sad twat for the rest of my days? Has anyone been in a similar situation and changed it?

Alternatively are there any rent-a-friend websites?!

If you have made it to the end of this pathetic rant for you.

[lottieandmia]

I've just joined one of the friend making sites and it says 'You are the only person from X who has joined this site' typical

[mostlyharmless]

Ok, well in that vein I'll risk my dignity and point out that I offered to go to the cinema with you earlier in the thread...

[Custardo]

right then - come to brighton 2016 and we'll get drunk - you do like to get drunk right?

[HowGoodIsThat]

Pick a film, let me know and I'll turn up and represent MN for you not in a stalkerish way obvs

But not a horror film. I can't do those.

I don't wear make-up because I am no good at it, am waaay older than you and I knit. We have nothing in common. It'll be a disaster and make you happier with your sofa.

Actually, I'll bring my new neighbour who is younger and funky and has a 19 month old and needs to get out more as well.

Then you can form a quiche together and I will retire vanquished back to my half-knitted cardigan.

There you go - how much more fun could you want?

[BunnyLebowski]

mostly Sorry, this thread is moving faster than my tiny brain can keep up with!!

Are you local?!

I would love to go and see 12 Years a Slave!

[BunnyLebowski]

Custardo getting drunk is only like my favourite activity in the world!

I've never been to Brighton either - it's a date .

[mostlyharmless]

Yep, am local. I'll pm you :)

[TheRaniOfYawn]

Bunny, is there is a roller derby club near you? I know you are pregnant and can't actually play, and I've never been because I hate going fast and falling over, but I quite a few friends who do it and it is full of quirky oddball women who mostly join at least partly to make new friends. You can go along and support even if you can't join in until you have a baby old enough to escape from.

And it's worth persevering work the baby groups. The fourth toddler group I went to has given me some of my very closest friends. We started of talking about nappies and boobs but nowadays are more likely to talk about politics or whiskey.

[AnUnearthlyChild]

soy un perdedor

You got my attention with THAT

My tastes aren't the same, but I like the sound of the things you like and hate the things you do.

I think you sound ace. I kind of 'know' you from your posting history.

I'd be your friend. I'm about 50 miles down the m62 from you. Stop wallowing in self pity and crack out the wine :)

[almondfinger]

Bunny, I was going to say move to Ireland, we'll 'get' your sarcasm and intolerance of idiots, and there you are, Irish.

I too could have written your post except for the Kitch and the lines from films, I've the memory of a goldfish.

I couldn't wait to move away. Moved back last year to my home city where I know no-one. How sad was that? Not the move, the no friends.

I just dived in at the school gates (after tentative toe dipping for a couple of weeks). The initial acquaintances have stayed just that. But I have found 2 great friends, one who I love a little bit! I've also started going to the PTA meetings, not fruitful to date but I'm persevering.

Contemplating bridge lessons for one night away from DH and the boxsets.

I do love shopping, but as a solo exercise only. And have sent sick notes to more then one hen do.

I was once called an 'ice maiden' at work. That is so not what I'm like. I'm just not good with small talk, it bores me to tears and I find that I'm making all the bloody effort. The amount of times I have come home full of information about someone and they haven't asked me one question in return. by the same token, they might think I'm a nosy cow with a bitch face (my resting face is cross).

So anyone in Southern Ireland like Bunny, looking for a friend?

[MavisGrind]

Bunny - You had me at Martini......(always with an olive)

I'm another one who could have written your OP except I have the added annoyance of being single so have to sit watching TV with only the cats for company once the dcs are in bed.

I'm trying not to be as judgy as I have been ( but it's so haaaarrd, there are so many things just asking to be judged!) and spend time on my ownsome at films, theatres, galleries and museums, but it's just not the same without some mates to share it with.

I'm probably too far away to be much RL use but can always be a virtual taste and wit judgement conspirator!

[BunnyLebowski]

I have been productive!

I've joined CitySocializer and am chatting to lovely local MNers as we speak with a view to potential meets and stuff!

I honestly thought no-one would reply to my self indulgent ramblings and have been overwhelmed by the responses.

If I could drink I would have a Cougar Town style glass .

[Sadoldbag]

Oh my god this is my life I am 32 and have one yes one friend

[CailinDana]

Forgive me if it's too personal a question but do you think your persona is a shield you use to protect yourself?

[BunnyLebowski]

Mavis why are you not nearer??!

We could have post-baby dry Martinis, dirty with an olive. Oh yeah.

[BeverlyMoss]

I have no friends, just family I am the youngest of four - we all live very near to one another.

I am in touch with no school friends, only those who I happen upon through my childrens' schools.

But I am very kind and friendly in a non pushy way.

I don't know why i'm like this, people seem to like me, but I don't have any friends.

It makes me sad, i'm quite tearful about it now, actually.

[figrus]

Almond finger, do you mean Southern Ireland as in ireland? Or do you live in the south of ireland?

[MavisGrind]

Oh god that sounds fab!

When you're post small baby stage there will have to be a meet up planned. Cultural daytime gallery/museum thing with conversations cross referencing "oh, did you see the blah blah blah show at the wotsit place" followed by massive noir based cocktail piss up. Possibly followed by an ironic kebab.

[BunnyLebowski]

Beverly c'mere

It's rubbish isn't it? Where abouts are you?

Fwiw I'm not in Ireland - I'm in W Yorks but more than willing to travel for a good natter/party/film .

[TheLightPassenger]

you sound sparky and interesting, but a bit too cool for school - like you would run a mile if you met scruffy socially awkward intense ole me. I do get how hard it is to get past the toddler group direly boring small talk onto anything non little kid/competitive parenting related.

[BunnyLebowski]

I am not in any way too cool for school or uppity in real life Light.

I dress a bit different and wear too much makeup on the school run but am smiley and chatty and polite.

[muddylettuce]

You have basically described me. I have a core group of school friends that I have known for 18 years but they are spread out all over the country and the world. I am shy and have never got on with women that well as I don't seem to have much in common with them, hate shopping, prefer camping to hotels etc. I have recently started going to baby groups and no, the people there are not my usual cup of tea but I have found a couple that don't talk through their babies that I see outside the groups. Perhaps it's luck, try again with number two, you might meet someone else you click with. One of my school friends who lives a few hours from me is giddy with excitement because she has finally found a friend through baby group after two years! Other than colleagues if you work baby groups are your only option right now...unless you get a hobby, join or start a club. Start a club! A dinner party club, a book club, film club, whatever! X

[LoreleisSecret]

I think you might possibly BE me ??

[BunnyLebowski]

If you are, in fact, Lorelai Gilmore then it is entirely possible.

.