comment made about my 'confident daughter' should i be worried

[nomorebooze]

on walk to preschool this morning Daughter aged 4, the mum I walk with made a flippant comment about my daughter being confident, she said 'I would watch her when she's older her confidence could cause her problem's' was a bit at a loss what to say, but now its niggling me! what did she mean should I be worried? My daughter is a good little girl, who has oddles of energy, not shy about meeting new people! certainly not rude or nasty with it either! so what problems should I be worried about?

Absolutely none. Ignore the stupid woman.

No problems - she was being a cow. Pay no attention.

Just smile and ignore, she was being very rude.

None. An confident, assertive child is a good thing. Some people are prejudiced against confident women and call them things like 'bossy' or 'high maintenance'... but they are usually very stupid people who can be safely ignored. :)

The only "problem" I can see with confidence is Stranger Danger, which isn't a problem if she is taught it.

Of course when someone is confident, it can lead to people either being nasty or spiteful, or thinking she is cocky. In my opinion that wouldn't be your daughters problem, but theirs.

Confidence is good, Ignore the mother :D

thanks for reply's, it just made me wonder if I was missing something, her little one is the opposite, so I suppose it could be a bit of jealousy........not one for cattiness, wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same!

No, she was right! You should immediately start on making sure your daughter's confidence is knocked out of her! You need to make sure she is a lot less confident and more subservient, and questions herself constantly. Oh, hang on a mo, sorry, I've got that wrong. Confidence is a good thing and will make her life easier and more pleasant, ime

What's the other Mum's child like? Shy, reserved, quieter? Maybe that's the issue.

What a stupid woman she is to say something so barbed and pointed.

My 3 1/2 year old is chatty, assertive, sociable and a complete 'performer' if someone said something like that to me I'd be livid. I'd still be stewing the next time I saw her and would have to ask her what she meant. I suspect DD1 is like me oops!

Thanks Gennacy she is aware of stranger danger. So as a parent I have no concerns on that front hopefully.......................!

did chuckle procrastinatingagain, good point!
Flibbedyjibbet: yes you are bang on her child is all the above!

Did you ask her what she meant?

She sounds like a spiteful cow. Confidence in a small girl as long as she is not rude or a bully is something to be cherished and nurtured.

At any rate even if it were something to worry about that was not the appropriate way to raise it.

I was a confident, intelligent little kid and managed to completely piss off my (what would be) Year 5 teacher by questioning the facts in one of her history lessons... out loud... and turning out to be right. I'll never forget the damning sentence that appeared in my school report...

Cog has a tendency to be rather arrogant... Hoo-yeah!!!!

I'd mention it to her next time you see her - ask her what she meant exactly. Very rude thing to say.

I have confident children.

Sil has the opposite.

I know which I prefer!

My children are active, bright and always busy.

Her children wouldn't say boo to a goose and have no character. I find it quite sad. They are smothered, not encouraged to do anything and have had any confidence squashed out of them. It's so sad to see.

She's jealous and being spiteful. Ignore.

My dd (2) is very confident. I see it as a very good thing. She strides into new situations without fear and is not clingy at all. She enjoys everything. My niece otoh spends the first hour somewhere new climbing her mum's legs and randomly crying. I know which child enjoys that first hour more, and how can that be a negative thing?

My dn is better behaved than dd though so it all balances out

Ignore her ,I was a very confident child and I've turned out pretty well :) Sounds like jealousy to me.

My ds was also a confident child with a good vocabulary. When he was about four he was friends with a little boy who only had sight in one eye. It wasn't at all obvious. One day my ds apparently said to him in all seriousness that he was half blind. Now he definitely wasn't being insulting, just stating a fact, somewhatly untactfully. Little friend told his mum and she was unhappy. The boys were both perfectly happy in their friendship.

I'm just wondering if there could be something similar going on? Anyway I wouldn't worry about it. I personally don't like these veiled comments. If she has an issue she should say so.

I've got a very confident child and one who is the opposite - guess which one has more " problems"??????????

just popped out! thanks for all your reply's! I love my daughter to bits she is a character in a good way! loves being busy but so so caring gets really concerned if someone isn't happy or hurt at pre-school, she also makes thing to cheer people up! very sweet!

I see this friend outside school aswell, wont say anything this time, but will if something said again, just didn't know what to say, My daughter natters away to her child and doesn't always get much response although i think there child is sweet, i feel the child is very young for there age in many ways....!

If she makes a similar remark ask her to elaborate.... 'what do you mean, problems?'

I will be asking for her to elaborate next time! just was made so matter of fact..................!

The only problem with oodles of confidence is when it's combined with a lack of common sense, which will always happen at different points in a child's life.

It just means you need to be a bit firmer with boundaries - my more nervous DS1 would stand well back from a road as soon as he hears the noise of cars, DS2 on the other hand tries to stick his head out to see what's coming!

But overall, the confident child will get into more scrapes, and as a result learn more about their own abilities and how to get by far quicker than a less confident child.

Although I'm guessing there's an element of 'you're the child, you do as you're told' attitude in her comment. A confident child won't accept unreasonable boundaries or an authoritarian parent all that easily.

Yuck - horrible attitude that 'confident' means a 'show off' or 'too big for their boots' or 'precocious' I bet.

It's wonderful that your daughter is confident and full of life.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Ignore ignore ignore. The daft bint.

My 5 year old DD is like yours. Confident, weird funny and outgoing but never cheeky or impolite.

She ended up lead in the school play and singing a solo because she volunteered.

I've noticed that it's usually the parents of the really shy and clingy kids that seem to respond strangely to her.

Projection much?! Screw em.