... but I can write it down here ...
I have been on mumsnet for a while, but had to namechange as my SIL is a mumsnetter.
If I express a different opinion to H he becomes extremely unpleasant. He isn't physically violent, but he bullies me until I agree with him. I think he gets a kick out of it as sometimes I can feel myself physically shaking.
Sometimes I am too scared to even express an opinion, not just in front of H but in everyday life - I didn't used to be like this.
I'm a SAHM, we have 2 DCs, the youngest is 2. I have a teenage DS from a previous relationship. H & I have been together 10 years, married for 5. When we met I was about to move to a different town & embark on a full time career after completing a degree. I fell pregnant but there has always been something that I felt 'wasn't quite right' about the relationship.
H & I live in seperate houses. The house I live in, we own jointly. I live with the children, he lives with a friend (male) from bording school. Last month I found out that the plans that he had to pay off the mortgage (repayment) were non existant. Last weekend I found out what I thought was my car, actually isn't (I am the registered owner & he refinanced it a couple of months ago) & has now arranged a buyer for it. DVLA have advised me he can't do this without my permission. H says he can, can anyone advise me on this?
I know that the money from the car will be 'invested' in an offshore company. [disposal of an asset??]. H says he needs it to pay the bills.
Yet, over the past 3 months he has spent over 10k on holidays for himself & our oldest DC & a training course for his career (he is 62yo - I'm 20yrs younger). I asked if I could have money to take youngest DC on holiday & he said he couldn't afford it. He is also in the process of setting up a 'business'.
I have over the years subsidised our income with my savings, even though I do not work outside the home.
I now have £38 pounds left on my overdraft. He last paid money into my account 5 weeks ago. The direct debits for bills are due this week. He bought some food yesterday for us (the basics, enough to last a couple of days), I was embarrassingly greatful, I almost forgave all his past shitty behaviour. Even when H opened the fridge & said to DS - 'oh dear!! mummy doesn't have steak, come to daddys house for dinner'. H eats out at least 5 days a week.
This situation needs to change. I need to find the courage to stand up for myself & the DCs.
I feel that its similar to an abuser who hits someone in places where the bruises won't show - to the outside world he is successful, a high earner, etc etc while behaving in a way that has left me unable to express all this verbally - I know I should to women's aid, a solicitor, cab.
Where do I go from here?