It's my birthday on saturday and my husband asked me what I wanted to do for it. I said I wanted to have a mooch round spitalfields market and buy myself something. Most importantly I wanted to go without children. My husband hates shopping so that rules him out too. He was Ok about this, and we agreed to have a family birthday meal at home on Saturday evening.
Yesterday, my husband told me he would be taking my oldest ds (9) to the pub on Sunday to watch 'the match' on TV, so I'd 'have' to take my youngest ds (4.5) with me to Spitalfields. I was waiting for this. I told him that I'd happily cancel my trip and go another Sunday, when I could go minus children. I am honstly not fussed about celebrating my birthday another time.
My husband is still trying to dodge out of this two-son commitiment. I suspect he really wants me to suggest we get a babysitter to look after my youngest or I relocate my shopping trip to a place where there is a creche. In the the past this has been an occasional option but this time I am not going to do it. I want to phase out our dependence on this option. My son, now at school is not such a 'burden' to look after as he was when he was a toddler. Also,I don't want me going out to be dependent on us giving £20.00 or so to a babysitter. My husband knows all this but still doesn't really accept it.
My husband does loads with my oldest son - football, fishing, cinema trips, staying up late together to watch TV when I've gone to bed, cooking together - they are best buddies. I couldn't ask for more. However, as dh says, most of these activities are only relaxing or indeed possible without my youngest ds. He says he does all this stuff with the oldest so it's only fair that I look after the youngest. My husband does the school pick up and looks after both sons for two or three hours till I return from my job each day, so he has lots of input anyway. He is also happy to look after my youngest or both sons if I have an appointment, have to do a supermarket run or there's an emergency - as he should be of course. I can twist his arm and get him to look after both sons if I need to go out to see friends, but really it's a new concept to him that I might want him to take both sons quite willingly while I have some fun. My husband does have time alone for fun and I don't begrudge him that.
Since my youngest ds was born, I have accepted that my dh will gravitate towards looking after my oldest son while I look after my youngest, but I made it clear all along that I would only accept this while pushchairs and nappies loomed large in his life. Once he was of school age I would want more freedom. And now that time has come.
I know in the end I will get my spitalfields alone trip, but I really don't want to have a major argument with my dh about all this. I wondered if anyone else has a dh who is reluctant to look after one of their children, but eager to look after the other(s)? Also comments on how I can get dh to look after both without starting a third world war every time.
Incidently, his parents are just the same. Whenever we stay with them they are eager to look after my oldest ds but never offer to look after the youngest, except to babysit in the evenigs, so if I want to do anything more adult orientated, I have to take my youngest with me. I am not tied to my youngest ds by an invisible string and indeed would like to spend time alone with my oldest while my pils look after my youngest, but this never ever happens, despite hints from me. My youngest ds is very confident and sociable and is certainly not clinging to me alone. I love him and appreciate the time we spend together minus his big brother, but at times I feel stir crazy.