Think I may be gay. Or at least bi sexual.

[selfdestructivelady]

When I masturbate I always do it to images in my head of women. If I'm having oral sex with dh I cum much quicker if I imagine a women doing it.

I love my dh but feel we have no spark I don't want to leave but I just wanted to talk to someone about these feelings I have for women. A close female friend has asked me to sleep with her and while I turned her down I was sorely tempted.

I feel very confused. Am I betraying my dh with these thoughts.

There have been a few let's say disingenuous threads of this nature on here recently, so be prepared for lots of and responses. However, choosing to answer this as if it's genuine, I would simply ask if you felt fantasising about another man would be a betrayal of your DH? Chances are, probably not. Fantasies are not real.

If you find RL women attractive, your sexuality is something you should explore further.

Personally, I think sexuality is not a binary thing it's a spectrum. It;s possible to be overwhelmingly heterosexual but occasionally find someone of the same sex attractive.

Thank you I have not name changed so people can view my posting history .

I am bisexual (somewhere between a 4 and 5 on the Kinsey Scale so barely bisexual mind). You are not betraying him by thinking, but it is worth getting some support from people if you want to work out your sexuality. You need to figure out whether it's your DP you are not attracted to or men in general.

Also as has been said, sexuality is on a spectrum. Perfectly possible to identify as straight but be attracted to women sometimes.

Does he know you're bi sexual? Believe me you should be honest with him. I found out my ex husband was bi sexual after 8 years together three of them married. It broke me. I kept it a secret for so many years. Until I left him in 2011. I felt ashamed

He knew when we got married and decided not to tell me, I was denied a choice, kids and a life.

I'm now with a fantastic DP and I'm getting married again. But whilst I appreciate your situation I can see from the other side

No he doesn't know and if I'm honest I'd say I lean more towards women than men. I have experimented when younger but I took it to be typical teenage experiments. He knows about that but dislikes discussing it.

Paula may I ask why you were so upset? I have no intention of leaving or cheating.

Paula you realise bisexual isn't the same as gay? That a bisexual husband is attracted to women and so would have been perfectly happy married to a woman? Lots of bisexual people have monogamous marriages with kids with partners of the same gender.

Why would you find bisexuality shameful?

OP it's a problem if your DP won't discuss it. I think you could do with some counselling, both as a couple and for yourself to help you work things through.

Lots of bisexual people have happy marriages with people of the same gender.

I was upset because I was lied to and the man I married wasn't who I thought he was. I do know the difference between bi and being gay. My younger brother is gay
I found out he was bi sexual as I found his porn stash. So he obviously wasn't getting everything he needed. If you're bi you should be upfront at the start. Me and my ex husband are still friends but since splitting two years ago he has had one girl friend and over 25 men so he must have a preference

I don't use porn btw as I disagree with it.

Sometimes you don't even realise yourself you are bisexual until you have been in a relationship a long time, I'm not sure why anyone would be ashamed of their partner being bi as long as they are as faithful as if they weren't

Anyway op I'm bi fairy recently realised (4 on the Kinsey scale), married with children very happy, faithful, my husband is my world. For a place to talk and get support I'd recommend shybi.com

Would like to here another woman's point of view finding out her husband was bi sexual rather than women telling their husbands they are

Most men find two women together a turn on

Yes I was ashamed how would you feel if after having sex with your husband you came downstairs hours after to find him watching male on male porn.

Paula if you're interested in hearing from others who have had a similar experience to you, why not start your own thread. It seems like what you found is a very different matter to the OPs situation, so would have a slightly different group of people interested.

Own thread would mean the OP gets the focussed attention she deserves, and you would get the focussed attention you deserve.

lady - I remember a thread on here about 2 years ago where womnen who were married were talking about their attraction to other women. I know two of those women actually left their husbands and are now living together as a couple with their kids.

You seem to be saying you are only sexually attracted to women? Forgive me if I misunderstood. Ultimately you need to decide what is important to you. Staying with your husband, or finding an alternative life. You don't need to decide now though, you can take your time.

What would you do if you were not attracted at all to your Husband, but were to other men? Would you leave him?

Also please don't have an affair. An affair with a woman is still an affair and in most cases, affairs only lead to hurt all round.

My husband doesn't find it a turn on far from it he actually finds it more of a threat and it has taken lots of talking for him to in any way understand this shift in me but if he ever thought it was shameful it would be over for us, its Just another part of who I am And something I was figuring out a long time before I told him about it, no point telling your partner if your unsure yourself.

I think there's more to being gay than sexual fantasies. When you imagine yourself holding hands on a romantic date, can you imagine it with a woman>

I think if you are learning to accept that you are bisexual or a lesbian, then those kind of things take time confused. Plenty of lesbians realise they are lesbians because of sexual attraction/fantasies, long before they can imagine actually being with a woman.

Bi sexual, or bi curious? I think a lot of women are bi curious but curiosity has never been that strong to provoke indulgence.

I think it's perfectly normal to imagine different scenarios but if you are in a monogamous relationship then whether you fantasies about men or women is irrelevant, unless you split with your partner your both of you agree to a non monogamous relationship.

I don't think it is normal for a Het woman to only or mostly fantasise about sex with women. And fantasises are hardly irrelevant if they are telling you something about your own relationship.

Agree with greenie, can't say I really understand 'bicurious' as a term, if you know you are attracted to both sexes then your not curious you know. Its easy to try and hide these thoughts as admiration or curiosity and kid yourself all women feel like this but in truth I don't think straight women do. If you feel only attracted to women sexually but can't imagine a relationship with one (as i currently do) that doesn't invalidate your sexuality IMO.

I'd really recommended shybi website op there is literally hundreds of women going through the exact same thing and those who have came out the other side. Its not a hook up site its purely support and friendship, talking about it will stop you torturing yourself.

If it's just fantasies, I don't think it matters at all - in terms of your DH. As long as you are genuinely happy with him, what you think about when you are having a bonk is your own business IMHO.

I think about allsorts. None of which I would want to do I think , or discuss with DH to be honest. It's not cheating in anyway though.