Think I may be gay. Or at least bi sexual.

[selfdestructivelady]

When I masturbate I always do it to images in my head of women. If I'm having oral sex with dh I cum much quicker if I imagine a women doing it.

I love my dh but feel we have no spark I don't want to leave but I just wanted to talk to someone about these feelings I have for women. A close female friend has asked me to sleep with her and while I turned her down I was sorely tempted.

I thought it was natural to an extent. I find lesbian porn a huge turn on but definitely identify as heterosexual...
Hmm it's v confusing. I do not know what I would do when confronted with the real deal! I suppose that's the test...

Thanks all I really have no intention of cheating or leaving dh. While our spark may be gone I love him dearly and we have three beautiful dc together. I wouldn't want to hurt him. Thanks dayafter I will look at that site.

Well you can think what you want regarding your own sexuality, but that's not the case for me. I'm certainly bi curious, not bi sexual.

I'm curious about what it'd be like to be on the receiving end of another woman as another woman would how it feels to be touched and I think if I had eyes shut (or blindfolded!) it could be mind blowingly good and I think I'd be good at satisfying another woman too. My fantasy is only in feeling good, it's not an attraction to other women and I've no ambition to actually try it out this theory, my fantasies are faceless. I've appreciated the attractiveness of other woman but not sexually so not felt a strong desire to want to sleep with them.

To me, it's similar to my thoughts of sex toys. I love the feelings I can get from our sex toys, I don't fancy our sex toys and find them attractive in their own right. I hope this makes sense? It does in my own mind but I'm find it difficult to articulate it.

So yes, I'm bi curious, no I'm not bi sexual.

I think a lot more people are bisexual as defined by 'sexually attracted to men and women' than identify as bi. A lot of women (and probably men, but I'm less well-informed on that) who identify as straight are also attracted to the same sex, but we live in a straight-until-proven-otherwise world where bisexuality is largely ignored. There are plenty of women in sitcoms and such who are clearly attracted to women, but as they're in relationships with men their heterosexuality is never questioned.

bicurious makes no sense to me as a term. And sex toys are not a human being.

I can have sexual fantasies about a famous person. Yes that does mean I am sexually attracted to them. No I am not going to do anything about it - although I don't have the opportunity either! But you know what I mean.

If you are sexually attracted to women as well as men, it doesn't mean you have to act on those attractions. But they are still attractions.

I think there's a difference between fleeting sexual thoughts and even being aroused by lesbian porn which may be because it feels a bit naughty and knowing you are attracted to women as much as men maybe more so the op said she leans towards women. Finding yourself thinking about women you see sexually maybe catching yourself checking women out in passing knowing your thinking about them sexually is not the actions of a straight women, maybe one in denial. It can take a long time for people to recognise what they are feeling though, myself included.

Your logic about fantasy and thoughts of other women equating to being bisexual would also make those fantasing about threesomes an adulteress or swinger!

Clearly your logic doesn't make sense and bi curious certainly is a relevant term as it differentiates between reality and fantasy.

Not really the same thing. You can be bisexual without so much as ever touching another women in the same way you can Be heterosexual whilst being a virgin both know who they are attracted to even if it remains a fantasy. Obviously sexuality is a funny thing and its up to the individual to decide who they are. The op clearly feels this impacts on her enough to question her sexuality so its probably more than any curiosity imo

I agree, the OP has more reason to suspect bisexuality than I have, which is why I'm bi curious and find it ridiculous that others can't accept there is such a things as being curious without the will to follow through. Why people can fantasies about all sorts of sexual scenarios (BDSM, threesomes, locational fantasies, rape fantasies etc etc) which doesn't mean you want to follow through.

How many of us dream of people who have hurt us getting their comeuppance? That doesn't make us law breakers or nasty people. I dream of being a top event rider, in practice I only ride horses for leisure and have no interest in perusing that sport.

Fantasy is perfectly normal and doesn't have to be an indication that we will be what we fantasize of. I don't see how this a difficult concept to grasp?

Joysmum do you think bisexual means 'has sex with men and women'? It means 'is sexually attracted to men and women', regardless of actual sexual history. A lesbian married to a man is still a lesbian.

Fantasizing about killing your ex doesn't make you a murderer because murder is a physical act. Sexuality isn't a physical act, it's an involuntary feeling.

Yes there have been lesbians throughout history married to men who will never have touched another woman sexually. They are still lesbians.

Just as there are Het people who die without ever being sexual with someone of the opposite sex. They are still Het.

You don't need to do anything sexually to be lesbian, bisexual or Het. It is about sexual attraction, that is all.

Joysmum nobody is trying to tell you what you are how we define ourselves is very personal its a shame we need labels at all but none of those things are comparable. Sexuality comes down to who we are attracted to whether it will ever be followed through or not. If a woman is fantasising about other women, checking women out wanting to have sex with them then are attracted. For me and many others I've spoken to its not until a person starts to come to terms with the fact that they may not define as straight that they can imagine following their attraction through. IMO the term bi-curious is insulting to bisexuals its a way of 'straight' women covering up their desires but making sure the world knows they are straight, society, the media etc love the term bi-curious because its not seen as a threat, it's naughty and playful. Millions of women admit to having attractions to other women they would be happy to use the acceptable fun bi-curious label they would never admit to being bisexual though. A recent article in the paper about bisexuals had lots of comments underneath of this very thing, women saying they had felt attraction, been intimate with other women but were straight, one had sex with 7 women but wouldn't call herself bi, laughable really.

I think the problem is that so many people think it has to be an even 50-50 split. It doesn't. Joysmum you could be something like a 1-2 on the Kinsey scale - I realise that 'occasionally same-gender attracted' doesn't have quite the same ring to it but as a bisexual person I find the term bicurious to be a bit offensive and a bit of a cop out, so women identifying as straight don't have to be put in a category with those icky LGBT people. NOT saying this is how you feel, but it's why I think the term is popular. People from 1-5 inclusive on the Kinsey scale are bisexual, there is a lot of variation - I myself am a 4-5, definitely more attracted to women but would not identify as a lesbian.