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Original poster

Teach a shy girl how to flirt please!

57 replies

fluffyduckie · 19/01/2014 14:36

I am shy and have a crush and want to learn to flirt!

I just don't know how and worry that I will make a total fool of myself. I just don't know how to do it in a natural way. I'm not sure if he would think I was crazy if I started hair twirling and fluttering my eyelashes!

So he is quiet and I am shy and, unless I do something, this will never move on.

I have been working on my confidence and my appearance but flirting just seems beyond me.

OP posts:

MadeMan · 21/01/2014 23:10

The best way to learn how to flirt is to watch how little girls act when they want something from their parents, like some sweets.

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 22/01/2014 07:09

I have been reading flirting tips on google and - wow - they seem pretty aggressive and forward!

OP posts:

ProfessorDent · 22/01/2014 10:27

Well, the flirting should be an extension of your personality, so find what works for you. That said, not all women flirt, they just make it clear that dating/sex is an option and take it from there. It doesn't have to be aggressive or even need to feel like you are taking the initiative.

It is a massive societal flaw that women have to wait to be asked out, they should be able to make the first move without it unpleasantly shifting the balance of things or feel like some massive loss of face if they get turned down. It would save a lot of time and aggro, it might even be tied to other stuff like women being reluctant to ask for a raise and so on.

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 15:30

I think it's all going to have to be done through your friend. If you're quiet and he's quiet, neither of you will make the first move. I hope your friend is tactful. You can't teach someone to be flirtatious if it's not in their nature so I'd leave the American self help books and web sites alone if I were you.
The easiest way would be for your friend to find out what he thinks about you. If he likes you, she can tell him to meet you both in a pub. You two get there a bit earlier so you can get a couple of liveners down you before he turns up. You'll know yourself if the conversation is going well. If it is and you seem to be getting on and talking a lot, wait until he goes for a slash and then send your friend home.
If it isn't going well for whatever reason, your friend can just stay and you just treat it as having a few drinks with someone. It's no risk and there won't be any awkwardness.

JeanSeberg · 22/01/2014 15:45

The best way to learn how to flirt is to watch how little girls act when they want something from their parents, like some sweets.

Yuck.

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 16:12

I don't think she meant stamping her feet and throwing a tantrum Jean. :)

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 16:13

Sorry, HE meant.

JeanSeberg · 22/01/2014 16:14

I know that's not what he meant neil. Still find it yuck.

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 16:38

That kind of thing wouldn't work on this bloke anyway. He's quiet.
Then again, so is fluffyduckie. She doesn't like the idea of dropping a pencil so it's unlikely she'd walk into the shop with her hair in bunches, with fake freckles painted on her face eating a novelty, oversized lollipop.

JeanSeberg · 22/01/2014 16:44

As it's a shop she could ask him for 4 candles...

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 16:58

....I think you mean fork handles.
I wonder what kind of shop it is? She says she doesn't want to keep going in and making herself look like a stalker but if it's a regular corner shop or newsagents, people do go into them every day sometimes. I suppose if it was a Chemist, he'd think she was either a stalker or a hypochondriac.

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 22/01/2014 17:24

Saw him today and actually dared to talk to him - was quite nice but just chit chat as the shop was busy.

I just have no idea what he thinks of me!

It is just a regular corner shop really. I am seeing my friend tomorrow so will ask her. I just think it is most likely that he hasn't noticed me so doesn't think anything of me.

OP posts:

DollyHouse · 22/01/2014 17:32

Argh, you are making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. He probably doesn't think much of you atm because you probably blend into the background. I'm a shy shy thing too and used to spend ages dissecting things "I wonder what he thinks of me. Shall I do this? Shall I do that? Ooh I'm going to pop in today best try and talk to him. Oh no I got too scared". It builds it up in your head into something it's not. Multiple threads about him aren't going to change anything either. The more time you spend dissecting, the more likely it is you're going to go in one day and he will be chatting about his new girlfriend.

As an aside, are you sure you even like him and not just the idea of him because you have no one else about to fancy? I'm not being harsh, but it does seem an awful lot of time and energy is being spent obsessing over someone you barely know.

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 22/01/2014 17:37

I tend to make a big deal out of little things - just really not good with men to be honest. I have always struggled with what people think of me. Family, friends, colleague ..... I guess because I don't believe that they can like the person that I am. Or, if they do like me, it is because they don't know the real me.

Nope - I am pretty sure it isn't just that there is no one else around as I (somehow) have been asked out 3 times in the last week. Guess the dressing more femininely and trying to be a bit more confident is working. I talk to women / much older men easily and always seem to end up in conversation with someone every time I leave the house. He is just a really nice man.

OP posts:

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 17:37

He might be thinking the same thing about you. He might be trying to find the bottle to ask you out and was gutted when you left his shop. He might be thinking, "she's a fair bit younger than I am. She wouldn't be interested in an old fart like me"

DollyHouse · 22/01/2014 17:42

I hope it didn't sound harsh. I mean well because I see so much of me in your posts! I think we need to work on your confidence so instead of thinking why would he like me, you get thinking why wouldn't he! He could very much end up liking you when he gets to know you, it's the getting on his radar that takes the leap of faith. Fwiw, I was obsessed with a guy at our corner shop when I was a bit younger. Daydreamed about him, tried to think how to get him to notice me etc. In the end, I just tried to be brave, went in and told him I fancied getting to know him better, would he like to go out for a drink. What happened? He said no. Seems like a bad thing but at least I stopped obsessing and wondering. I think there's crushes and then there's obsessions where we build up a little crush into something we think about all the time. It's not healthy. So it might be worth approaching him, asking if he'd fancy a drink sometime and then you'll know either way.

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 18:01

She isn't going to do that though DollyHouse.
No, I'm sure it will all be done through her friend.

DollyHouse · 22/01/2014 18:01

Through the friend will come across very young, schooldays and teenage. The complete opposite of a grown woman. Don't do it through your friend, OP.

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 18:05

But if it gets you what you want, it doesn't matter.

Ignore DollyHouse and do it through your friend FluffyDuckie :)

StairsInTheNight · 22/01/2014 18:15

Eye contact. Just do that. Just hold it for a bit longer than necessary every time you see him.

Very simple and very effective!

DollyHouse · 22/01/2014 18:16

My whole point being it won't necessarily get you want you want when it presents you in a completely different light than the one you would present by being yourself. And it's very rude to tell someone to ignore someone else. If OP wants to ignore me, she can. She doesn't need you telling her to.

neiljames77 · 22/01/2014 18:30

Aww come on Dolly!!! That's why I put a smiley face there at the end. I was only joking!! I wouldn't really tell anyone to ignore or dismiss a poster.

DollyHouse · 22/01/2014 18:49

Whatever, Neil.

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 23/01/2014 06:55

Hmmm the eye contact thing didn't really work as he didn't really look at me!

Not sure if my friend can do subtle......

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 23/01/2014 07:03

Hold eye contact a little longer than usual. I know that's hard if you're shy, but seriously, everything else flirty / signs of being interested sort of flows from it...

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