Husband says he hasn't loved me for three years. So upset and broken.

[TinselTownley]

I have been with him for eight years. We have a four year old and a beautiful 12 year old who has a different father.

He has always been volatile and very angry. On Wednesday, he had an interview for a job he said he really wanted but, two hours before, told me he would rather kill himself than go through with it. He then walked off talking about drowning himself. In desperation, I called the Samaritans and Mind. They were great.

He promised to seek help and told me he loved me. Today, he says he is leaving and has not loved me for three years. I am far from perfect. Very far. Three years ago, I had a silly, short-lived affair. I think I did it because the husband had left me on several occasions and I felt very alone and de stabilised. It meant nothing emotionally. I have always loved him. I have paid for my mistake over and over. He said he wanted to stay with me. I was so grateful that I have accepted a lot of violent rage and emotional abuse.

After he dropped that bombshell, he walked out then came back and knocked repeatedly on the door for 40 minutes. The children are away. I had shut him out because he is scaring the crap out of me.

Is he having a breakdown? I am at a loss as to what to do.

He has not been physically abusive but I am scared he might be today.

Please help!

Hi Tinsel have some and well done for making the connection over your H.
You might find it helpful to read some of the links on the EA Support thread
The ladies there have all been where you are, waking up to the reality of what their life has been. It takes time to process it all and recognise what happened. You would benefit from the gentle handholding and support on that thread (and the occasional MN prod!) to help you stay strong and stop him hoovering you back in again when he realises you are serious about ending your relationship.

Hi Laura. Yes, we are married. We rent and the house is in joint names. He works full time. I finished a full time contract in December and am now freelancing. I have earned very little this month. One of my children is his, the other not. I receive no support from the eldest's father. My husband supports his other children. He has taken all his paperwork.

Thanks all of you. You've got me through today.

I hope tomorrow is better.
So there probably isn't a load of cash in building societies and there are no properties to divide up if you split. If he moved out and he earns more than you do he may well not only have to pay support for his child but also for you if he earns more. Perhaps might be worth seeing if you can also get some child support from the oldest's father too if money is going to be tight if you split up.

Oh and if the step child is a chidl of the new family you are in then he may have to pay. I know a man who married a mother of two, put her children through Millfield School (£60k fees a year in total for the two children) and on divorce he had to carry on paying even though they were not his children as he had been supporting them as a child of the family.