Did you write to the OW?

[Herhonesty]

So bloody tempted but I suspect it's counter productive and she would just laugh .... Did you? What did you say? Was it worth it?

I repeat this so much but maintain your dignity. It's not a good idea IMO to contact OW, she had no loyalty to you, your DP/DH did and he is the one who has betrayed you.

I understand how you would want her to know exactly what she's done but if she can go with someone who is married then it's probably not going to matter one jot to her how you're feeling.

Write it, don't send it.

I wanted to, to tell her that he was actually seeing two women; the other one was a woman the OW would have known at work.

I'm saving that, though. I do know that I will tell her sometime.

(Scorpio - long memory, bears a grudge )

What are you hoping to achieve? Spread the misery? An apology? Make her chuck him so he'll come back to you? As the PP rightly says, any promises made were between him and you.

I wouldn't. She'll feel vindicated if you do something outwardly 'assertive'. She'll see it as aggressive or proof of your mental instability.

Better to let her stew in her own conscience.

There was a thread here the other day, the OW was still clearly a total fuck up 15 years on.

You move on. When you can obviously. I don't mean by next Tuesday.

Who is Scorpio??

I don't see what's wrong with spreading the misery, Cogito. Why hold onto it all for yourself?

I don't see what's wrong with spreading the misery, Cogito. Why hold onto it all for yourself?

I did. Wish I hadn't. She replied with a barely-literate, foul mouthed tirade...the fact she was horrible and...thick...and my bf of a year has fucked her in my bed, upset me even more.
Yes I know that sounds horrible but that's how I felt.
I wouldn't do it again.

I think in your shoes at that time ImperialBleather, it would have been like throwing a bit of your anger and pain overboard. I probably would have done it, and felt better for it. But that was an unusual OW situation! There aren't always two OW. But with a situation like that, where you have information, if holding on to it for the sake of dignity alone is like a sandbag adding to your misery and lack of power and control over the situation, then yeah, seriously consider throwing that sandbag overboard, imo

I take your point but I don't think writing to someone in this situation actually achieves that :)

I didn't write I emailed her and told her she had 24 hours to tell her husband or I would. I then said I hope she's pleased with herself and that she was welcome to him. It was very brief and I have never regretted it. Needless she never replied bitch could of at least apologised for the hurt she caused me

I got a message via Facebook from the OW, I typed lots of responses and I didn't send any of them.

I haven't ever regretted not replying to her messages.

I didn't but when he dumped her after it wasn't a dirty little secret anymore she sent me a message calling my children ugly me a bad mother and a physio.

I'm assuming she meant psycho!

Anyway I didn't react angrily as she wanted just sent a message back saying she was welcome to him as I didn't want him.

Got a few messages that mainly started with HA ha Ha he will always love meeeeee. And a few more insults.
Think she was unhinged tbh.

I only replied the once btw. She was dying for a reaction and a row I'm glad I kept my dignity.

When she turned up my house I phoned the police and they told her to go away.

she sent me a message calling my children ugly me a bad mother and a physio.

I know I still laugh at that insult. You bloody physio you.

Killing myself laughing over physio.

Nope. But I did clean the toilet with my now ex Dhs toothbrush for the 2 week period before he moved out to be with her and filmed myself using it to do it and then when he was settled in with her I sent him the video, knowing he would watch it and know he'd been using it obliviously.

That was fun :)

Me too imperial

Wel if someone called me a physio it would be WAR!! Lol!!!

I'm not going to.. Just wondered. Perhaps I should start a "what would you say if you could" thread ...

Physio lol! Somehow it would make it easier to bear if the OW was that thick

My EXDH had an affair with an 18 year old . He was 42 at the time. She had pursued him very vigorously and him being a twat with little moral fibre enjoyed it all. Until the shit hit the fan.
I wrote to her parents. I told them I had found them together. I described the circumstances very clearly. Very very clearly.
I would do it again.

I did, then posted it here under a NC. Didn't send it to her.

Physio. That's funny. Really funny. How did you ever stop yourself from replying and correcting her spelling ?

"Actually I think you'll find it's... "