How do you know if someone really loves you?

[QuestionsQuestions22]

I am in a relationship and he has just proposed. I said yes, and was very happy, but then started to have a few doubts. I know I love him more than anything, but I am unsure.

Not because of anything he said or did, but just because I have been battered before and don't want to end up divorced twice.

How can I work out if he really, really loves me? The kind of way that you stay with someone forever?

At the moment it is all fireworks in the bedroom and being unable to be apart for more than a day but I want to know what happens when all that cools down.

I asked him what he loved about me and he said; I was a great person, I was funny, I was a lot of fun to spend time with, I was his best friend, I was a great listener, I am kind, I am selfless, I am a good Mum, I am clever and being around me makes him happy.

My previous DH seemed to love me in the same sort of way but he ran off with an OW when I was pregnant and he was, I thought for 8 years, a nice guy. It took me ages to recover and I feel scared.

I know I can't get any guarantees, but I want to not make the same mistakes again. What do I look for to be sure that he really loves me? what questions should I be asking myself? Are there any signs that might show it was just infatuation?

How long have you been together?

How long have you been together?

3 years

It's a difficult one, because if there was a foolproof way of knowing, then divorce rates would be a damn sight lower.

Never mind what he says. Do you feel loved.

No red flags? No underlying issues? Blissfully happy?

Go for it.

The Shoop Shoop Song said it's in his kiss.

Yes. Massively. I also feel though like he has me on a pedestal and am worried I will fall of

I don't think you really ever know for sure. You can only trust and believe.
I have been badly burned in the past and am wondering and feeling exactly the same things as you now I am in a relationship that is moving up the levels.
I believe my dp loves me. Not sure I can really explain how I know.
What I do know is that he has seen me and my dc at our worst, he emotionally supports me when things are tough. Knows when I just need a cuddle, tells me when I'm being an arse hole about something and respects my feelings and opinions.
We both know from bitter experience that life isn't easy and that there are bumps on the road but that we can support each other through them. That we both at times need our own space and that it isn't a reflection on our feelings for each other it just means we need some quiet time.
I love him more than I've loved anybody and at times have been terrified of that but can face the fact that nobody ever knows for sure but that I am prepared to take that chance I may get hurt again rather than miss out on the great times we do have and always wonder if he was the one.

What are red flags? Are there classic ones? this is all stuff I am very stupid about. Sucked into the fairytale and all reason goes out the window.

Yes, we are blissfully happy. And the kisses are amaaaaazing too :) I still get goosebumps!

ok...youmakemydreams...mine doesn't tell me if I am being an arse. He never criticises me. Never argues with me. That has to be a bit odd eh?

I criticise him...gently and with love...and if he pisses me off I storm out the room or send him an email explaining all the various reasons why his behaviour is unacceptable and all he ever does is apologise, send me flowers or even cry because he says he hates upsetting me.

This is a red flag right?

And also neither of us really ever does anything alone. We go to bed at the same time every night. We watch TV together.

For example with previous DH I would go to bed and read and he would play Xbox. Me and DP never do this.

We also have sex pretty much every day.

I sometimes think we are too perfect, too attached.

This is just a nagging feeling but I know my friends are not like this with their husbands.

He doesn't suffocate me...if I said I wanted to go read he'd be perfect happy to watch Top Gear...we just don't do that.

Normal in honeymoon period or just weird?

My DH has never once not phoned when he said he would, not been there when he said he would, been somewhere other than where he said he was, but most of all he is nice to me. That's how I know.

Hope not as this sounds like me and my DH. I recently had a massive row with him, refused to speak to him for 3 days and then he sent me flowers. As it was mainly my fault I felt like a grade A bitch.

How do you ever know if someone might cheat? No idea. I like to think I never would.

Actions speak louder than words. Block out what he says - how does he behave, to you and to other people? Particularly to people who have no power, wealth or authority.

Over and above looks, sexual chemistry & shared interests, DH & I have made it for 20 plus years because he is kind. That means he isn't just kind to me because he love me, kindness is his default mode to people. So even if we fall out I would never get verbal abuse or horrid comments like I read reported on Mumsnet - because it is not in his nature.

Of course I don't want him to be a bad boy. I love the way he is, I just sometimes wonder if he's too good to be true.

I know I might sound paranoid and bitter but I thought by exDH really loved me and he turned out to such a twat.

I just wondered how people knew. I know it's actually a stupid question. Hear the Chorus "YOU JUST KNOW!"

ithaka...he's the kindest person I ever met. He's nice to old people, kind to children, cries at Children in Need and fixes everyone's computer for free even when he's knackered. He's kind to my two DC beyond measure and I think he's the most wonderful human being I have ever met.

I know I am making myself sound stupid for having doubts. Maybe if he argued with me a bit I'd feel like he was being more real.

How can I not piss him off ever? I can be really annoying!

He says I'm not perfect, but my imperfections are more like little glitches and he's blind to them.

What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters.

You can't ever know what someone else feels, you can only know what they say and do, but that's OK because that's all that really matters. How they feel matters only to them.

KingRollo...that is what I want in my head, but I also think it's a cowards way out. Either I have to trust in this and let go of my own paranoia and past baggage or it's unfair to him. It is hard to trust again, that is the problem.

Hmm not sure that's necessarily a red flag. I can be quite fiery a bad tempered old bag and do is far calmer than me and waaaaay more laid back so at times will defer to me because quite frankly he cares less about the issue than I clearly do.
We have sex most days and go to bed at the same time. We do it through choice. We prefer it that way and it helps keep a more active sex life than couples I know that go to bed hours apart.
I think well hope that your feelings are reasonably normal when you have been hurt in the past.
When me and do discussed us moving in together we were lying in bed that night and I had a moment of panic thinking oh god this is forever. Can I do it. Is what we have enough? Minutes later after running through some of those things i mentioned in my head I realised that I'm damn happy. I am as sure as I can be that this is it and I am excited about sharing my future with this man but it is really hard not to panic sometimes and remember the pain I've had before.

What do your relatives think of him. And if your sister or somebody close to you was marrying him would you think he'd be a good husband. A lot of disasterous marriages could be avoided if people would read the warning signs. They are usually there but not always. But people don't always want advice from those close to them.

how long have you been together youmakemydreams?

Viviennemary my family LOVE him. My extended family are apparently ringing my Mum jealous that their daughters didnt find him!