Can you give me some perspective on what FIL has done - will show dp thread.

[Seewhatyouhavedone]

I've NC for this as it's instantly identifiable to my family . Could get long.

Df has never been a hands on dad and was actually quiet shit on being a good role model. Who ever he was married to at the time got his full attention. His current wife I actually really like. If it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't even half the half hearted attempt at a relationship with DF. But I'm ok with this I'm used to it.

They are unfortunately going bankrupt . They have lost their house but have yet to hand the keys in. They are living in rented accommodation. Their house was lovely and Dsm really looked after it. It was her home.

Dp and df did a deal for a sum of money and shook hands on it, it was that dp could have what he wanted out of the house for some of his property's, radiators,boiler, kitchen units,washer dryer ect.... When dp arrived at my df old house,df stated if you see anything else you want take it.

While my dp was there they took down the kitchen and then he returned leaving FIL there with the keys.

My df rang me two days later saying Dsm was horrified at the state of the house. She was in tears . She was shocked that they had taken more things that she assumed they would take. But she was distraught at the damage FIL had caused.

He had ripped the fire place off leaving plaster hanging of walls, taken the radiators but not drained them spaying water and soaking all the carpets through with black water. Woodwork was smashed to pieces. Apparently it looks like some one took a hammer too it. I haven't seen it but I believe it.

It's took a full day to clear it up.

FIL doesn't give a shit about anyone. He is incapable of feeling empathy for anything/person.

Dp and fil see it as 'well they have lost the house, they don't live there now,what's the fuss'

They can not understand that this is a fucking awful thing for them to lose there lovey home and now some one has gone in and trashed it needlessly. Dsm was devastated. They had fucking drills and common sense. They didn't have to rip it pieces and make such a mess.

I think it's really hitting Dsm that she has lost her home now.

The damage was done while dp wasn't there but I'm ashamed to admit dp would probably would have left it that way too .

I'm starting to see traits in dp that are in his df and I hate it. We have had a massive argument this morning saying terrible things about each other's family's . Tbh if they had done it to a random stranger I would still feel the same. It was brutish , insensitive and thoughtless. It's really rocked the foundations on which our relationship is based on as dp is usually a very caring person or is that quality only afforded to me?

Any thoughts?

Yes it was bloody disrespectful.
I think there's a male /female difference with houses, men see assets/house. Woman sees home. I think this is part of what's happened here, your df was insensitive and disrespectful but more out of stupidity than malice I'd guess.

I'm a bit confused how your partner fits into it if he didn't do it

pook kitchen was agreed on. Infact there is still some more stuff that was agreed on but I've told dp to leave it

dam I'm mad at dp as he can't understand what the fuss is and thinks Dsm is being silly .

He just said it was unavoidable. But I think it was. And I feel really sorry fir dsm

Surely if a house is repossessed it is not yours anymore to strip. Surely your df can get in trouble for stripping it. When it went through the courts it will surely have been valued in its existing state as x - not in its now damaged and stripped state.

I think your df was in the wrong for giving permission for your dp to strip a house he no longer owned?

It is a stupid thing for your df to do. Because they'll get less money for it. We viewed one house that had been trashed after being repossessed and it was going for only about 1/2-2/3 it value. So in effect doing that will reduce any money there might have been after the house has been paid off.

Even if df is going bankrupt so therefore won't personally be affected, it is surely really nasty to reduce the value of the house significantly so the banks get even less of their money back on the defaulted mortgage.

frog do the mortgage company not only own bricks and mortar ?

I would have thought the mortgage company own fittings too - things like radiators, fitted kitchens etc. If they damaged plaster etc then surely that is the fabric of the building.

frog I'm in now way condo ring what they did! see my posts but I'm no friend of the bank. It's why my df lost his home in the first place

I think your FIL was being lazy and thoughtless. Alright your DF and DSM aren't living there but somebody will live there again and they will have to deal with the mess left behind.

It reminds me of when I had to sell my parents home after they had both died. It was the house I grew up in, very much a family home. It was up for sale and empty over a very cold winter, a water pipe burst in the attic and flood water caused two ceilings to fall in. Our Agent sent round his builder to fix the damage and for some reason he used one of my mother's antique oak kitchen chairs to stand on whilst working. When I came to look at the work I found the chair covered in paint and plaster. He hadn't even tried to clean it. The guy was unapologetic and more or less told me that I was about to make a load of money on the house sale what did I care. I told him he was about to make a lot less money from me than he imagined because he was now going to pay for the restoration of the chair. Some people are just disrespectful gobshites.

Condoning *

pookamoo I agree about value, and made a similar point!

But it depends on the plans for the house. If it was totally "move in-able" and could have been sold to an individual buyer as a home, or to an investor to let out immediately, then they have just fucked the value right up. And by they, I mean the OP's father, who agreed to it.

If it was always going to go to auction and was in a state that meant it'd be gutted anyway, no harm done.

I've no doubt that OP's father is pocketing the money, not giving it to his creditors. So he isn't generous. He may be a fool, but it's not generous - it's business.

His bigger worry now could be if he had any legal entitlement to let them do it. I suspect not.

Sounds like the OP's father is as much to blame.

I know you are not condoning it Seewhat. I realise that.

I am criticizing your family - not you!!!!

I have no idea of the legalities of it - it seems wrong to me though.

What pookamoo says is correct. After repossession the Bank will sell the house & the proceeds will go towards what they owe. The first mistake was made by your DF by allowing them to take anything out of the house. Trashing the place is a stupid mistake which ultimately your DF & DSM will pay for.

I have just bought a repo from a bank, which had been treated in the same way, & I got it at way below market value. Once you take out boilers & kitchens you make the property unmortgageable & only cash buyers are able to make offers.

cabrin that's what dp said - about df to blame

Pretty disgusted, really. Your dad and stepmum are in a bollocks position, and your DP and FIL have just made it worse.

Both of them have some pretty hard making up to do, starting with flowers for your SM and getting back in there and tidying up after themselves.

Holdthepage - if the ops father is going bankrupt, will it matter what value they get anyway. I suppose the worry would be if the bankruptcy isnt finalised as the courts may take a dim view at him reducing the value of his assets????

I can't show this thread to dp it's too mixed!

But I agree with flowers to Dsm

You're picking a losing battle I think anyway, because you haven't actually seen the mess!

What stands out to me is this - some of us have posted its awful. Some of us (me) have said it doesn't sound so bad. Several of us are concerned for the legalities!

But everyone one of us has seen the other point of view.
I get why your partner would think it doesn't matter. I get why your SM is upset. I don't agree with either exactly, and I don't FEEL as they do. But I can understand. And that's the same for all the replies I think.

My issue with your partner would be if he just couldn't see how someone else would feel, and why. That would make him a less than ideal partner for me. Mess or no mess.

To be honest, you are all unreasonable, stripping the house like that.
Why do that?

I think you're over reacting. I think it is understandable that your dsm is upset - but that was going to happen anyway.

It sounds like needlessly destructive vandalism.

And in fact probably not legal if they took it even one minute after the court order was passed. Whether they still had the keys or not.

And theft from the people they owe money to because the proceeds from a sale go towards paying off the creditors and a house where the boiler, rads, kitchen and fireplace have been ripped out is essentially derelict.

Awful behaviour.

But your DSM would do well to react to that rather than the sentimental as[ect of seeing her former home destroyed.

Though it must be awful for her.

cabrinha the lack if empathy is worrying but as it involves his dad it's not surprising .

If the house is destroyed to the way you describe it, and fixed items removed, then tbh, they may look at pressing for legal action to offset this.

Your DP and his revolting father had NO right to go and wreck ANY house, let alone your father's.

I'd seriously lose respect for anyone that was this insensitive.

Have you seen the mess they have left it in?

Indeed - even if they did it before the court decision, the house was presumably at least part owned by the mnortgage company.

So probably not legal.

They went bankrupt, they own someone else or others a LOT of money - what moral right to they have to be asset stripping?

I am sympathetic for anyone who gets into difficulties at no fault of theier own, but I am not sympathetic to this behaviour. By your F, your FIL or your DP.