I'm struggling to find the strength to tell him it's over...

[knowledgeispower]

This is probably a bit disjointed as I'm just in the process of realising that I've been taken for a ride.

In my heart I've known it for at least two years that my relationship with P is over.

We've been together nearly 6 years, nearly 5 of those have been sex free :-( We have spoken about it but never mention it now! He won't get help and has said in the past that his sex drive will return when it's ready?! At first it used to drive me up the wall but now I'm almost glad as I don't fancy him any more. He does use porn and I'm sure he must masturbate when alone. This upset me a few years ago now and I have even found evidence of online dating sites and messages from women. When confronted he denied it and it was a form of 'gaslighting' I believe. He made me doubt what I had seen with my own eyes! I think part of it was me not wanting to admit to myself that I'd moved 290 miles to be with someone who could do that to me.

I work part time and he is 'self employed' earning very little and I pay for almost everything. He is frequently online a lot if the time (facebook networking he calls it)

Then there's the dictating what I can and can't do in my own home. He picks fights and some days I dread going home if I know he's there (he still has his own place but the electricity has been put into a key meter and he needs to pay £190 just to get it to zero)

The nights he spends here he's on the sofa and will fall asleep with the television on and it normally stays on all night! It boils down to a complete lack of respect for my feelings or wishes.

I'm really concerned first and foremost for my dd who's 10 in a few months. How will all this impact upon her? More to the point how is it impacting upon her now!?

I have been short tempered because I'm so frustrated all the time. We have argument's over the silliest things and last time we had a big one he slammed his fists against the table and I'll admit it I was scared. The last time I mentioned us calling it a day he just shut down and was crying saying that he loved us and that he'd try to be a better man and was sorry.

I really feel like I'm wasting my life with this man...help!

I have been concerned about ending it in the past due to his financial position. He has his own place but hardly any money so it feels like he is using me as he can't afford his own bills. I never wanted to have him stay over so much, he had kind of taken over my home if that makes sense.

I also know that he will bad mouth me to anyone who will listen. That's part of 'the script' though!

The only real practical thing I need to think about is being able to afford a fridge freezer and a bed as both are his and in my house.

He gives my feelings, thoughts and wishes no thought whatsoever so it's a mystery to me why I even care!

I think you will be able to obtain a fridge freezer and a new bed quite easily! ( eBay, Gumtree etc)

It looks quite comical when written down in black and white like that doesn't it? Him having no money is his problem. And as for him bad mouthing you, well, if you have good friends and family they probably won't believe him, they may even be glad you're rid....

You are so right Scarletohello. It does seem silly. I'm clearly not thinking straight. It is his problem that he has no money, I have taken ownership of many of his problems!

Visualise your life in a year's time, what do you want it to look like...?

I want to have moved back down south, having found a little house with DD and be nearer my family and friends I grew up with. Working in a similar role to the one I'm in now and just to be independent and happy with a great Christmas and New Year behind me. Looking forward to the future, with no men involved of any description whatsoever! ;-)

I want to start working through the Freedom Programme too once all this cr*p is behind me :-)

Hi knowledge just wanted to give you a few words of encouragement.

I was very scared to end a relationship that lasted many years. It was the fear of being alone and regretting it - oh all sorts of things went through my head.

In the end I did do it. Felt like I had thrown off a ten ton weight for about three weeks. Had one day of feeling regret, fear and sentimental shite and crying loads.

After that, the mist cleared. I do have angry moments, more at myself than anything for taking so long to do it, but it really is not that bad!!

Give yourself a D day and just do it. Don't waste too much time though.

He sounds a waste of space and time. Neither Use nor Ornament as my old ma used to say.

Thank for replying Allo, I really appreciate what you have said. It's been just me and DD most of the weekend so its been lovely. I'm not in the slightest bit bothered he's busy and I won't see him until later!

He is neither use nor ornament! I'm already getting angry moments; angry at him, myself and my inability to end it!