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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Who is in the right here?

45 replies

Radley · 27/07/2006 15:51

Hubby has been working alot lately to cover for the holidays etc, dd1 and dd2 are really really missing their daddy, they are both in bed when he goes out to work and when he comes home, when he is on nights they see him for about an hour before he goes.

He has just walked in and told me his is going next door for an hour and toddled off. DD2 is sobbing her heart out because she wants to see daddy and can hear him through the gate and i'm sat here with the onset of a migraine.

he say's i'm wrong, i say its him. what do you think?

OP posts:

bluejelly · 27/07/2006 15:53

It depends what he went next door to do, I guess.
Also sounds like he is working really hard, try not to take it personally...

bluejelly · 27/07/2006 15:53

As a single mother I would love someone to be working all hours to keep the roof over my head. As it is, it's all down to me ( don't mean to feel sorry for myself, just wanted to give anotehr perspective)

lunavix · 27/07/2006 15:53

Both of you?

I'm sure he wants time to relax after working so much and he is allowed a tiny break...

On the otherhand he should respect his daughters feelings a little more.

Original poster

Radley · 27/07/2006 15:54

he's gone next door to have a drink, but i know what his hours are like.

OP posts:

flutterbee · 27/07/2006 15:54

This is a tough one, I think you are both right.

He needs to be able to have some time for him especially if he has been working really hard but then your dd's need to see their Daddy and lets not forget you need sometime to yourself as well.

Not much help I know, hopefully things will be back to normal for you soon.

alex8 · 27/07/2006 15:58

If I was him I would be desperate to see my children and would go out for a break when they are in bed.

ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 15:58

Tough one. My dh also doesn't see the kids much due to his working hours, but I know that when he gets home he sometimes just needs some time to unwind and can't do that with dd and ds clamouring for his attention. But then on the other hand I sometimes get a bit cross thinking that if he is at home and the kids are awake he should be spending the time with them. So I gguess you are both right.

Original poster

Radley · 27/07/2006 16:24

FGS, dd1 has just come home crying, he has told her to come back home because he wants some peace and quiet and he's fed up of her yapping, he has hardly seen her in over a week and she has been home from school just over an hour.

OP posts:

fairyjay · 27/07/2006 16:29

He is being a bit selfish, but he's just knackered, and we can all be selfish then

Feistybird · 27/07/2006 16:32

Radley - I'm with you, I think he should give his kids some time. We all work hard - fgs if you're a mum it never stops. I don't think his reasoning stacks up.

7up · 27/07/2006 16:32

ring the neighbour and get him to tell dh to go indoors to chat so kids canthear him and tell them hes gone shopping or something.

im like bluejelly single parent and my ds22months is tired andgrumpy at the moment, im knackered and got another 3hours till bed time with no relief at all

mimi1uk · 27/07/2006 16:32

ur poor dd, id pour the drink on his head

Greensleeves · 27/07/2006 16:36

He's being an arsehole. Just because he works doesn't entitle him to pretend he's a single man with no kids. Everybody who has kids wrks, whether they work outside the home and pay someone else to look after their children or whether they look after their own children all day.

I'd be well pissed off.

motherinferior · 27/07/2006 16:40

I agree with Feistybird and Greensleeves.

alligator · 27/07/2006 16:42

think hes being out of order and I'm looking at things from his side (I work dp at home). I am knackered when I get home but thats no excuse. He can have his break when the kids go to bed.

mimi1uk · 27/07/2006 16:43

id ignore him and see how he likes it, he cannot turn it on and off when u have children they do not understand, and its not fair on them,!! go and get that drink and pour it on him lol sorry only joking!!

fairyjay · 27/07/2006 16:46

I suppose you could always have a water fight in the garden, and accidentally soak next door!!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/07/2006 16:49

I suggest you wait with kids till he comes home and then walk out the door yourself saying you need to unwind. He can put kids to bed etc etc.

I kinda see his POV, but I think the working parent doesnt always realise sometimes how tough it is looking after kids and that the person at home with the kids needs a break.

CheesyFeet · 27/07/2006 16:51

I'm in the "he's being a w@nker" camp. He works hard, sure, but what does he think you are doing while he's at work????? You need a break too, and your dd's need to see theur daddy. He can have a break and a drink when they're in bed, same as you can.

Original poster

Radley · 27/07/2006 16:55

I am sooooooooooooooooo peeved nown, he came in 10 minutes ago, got the kids an ice lolly to shut em up (their tea is in the oven) and whilst I had my back turned he told dd1 he was going back for 'an hour'.

He is back at work fri, sat, sun and mon so they are hardly going to see him

OP posts:

CheesyFeet · 27/07/2006 16:59

Deffo being a wanker then. As soon as he gets back, declare that you are going out as you have been run off your feet all day and need a break. Even if you just walk around the block, or a quick drink with a friend, it will (hopefully) teach him a lesson.

Why should you do all the babysitting just so that he can have a nice quiet drink at the end of a hard day? I'm sure you'd love one too.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/07/2006 17:00

radley if that is his attitude I would bugger off out and drop the kids into next door for "an hour"

bundle · 27/07/2006 17:01

it's very difficult to explain this to a child. if he can't be arsed spending time wtih them, he shouldn't let them see him at all, as this builds up an expectation that he is there for them. arse.

Original poster

Radley · 27/07/2006 17:04

i sometimes wonder whether he is having his mid life crisis, he wants to go out with the lads all the time etc. If i went out and left him the kids would not be bathed, ( he has bathed them once this year), they would eat crisps, icecream etc, go to bed when they want and the uniform wouldn't be done for tomorrow.

OP posts:

edam · 27/07/2006 17:08

Radley, my father used to do something similar when we were kids. Can still remember the excitement of 'daddy's home' followed by the lump in the throat as he disapeared again. Your dh is risking his relationship with his kids, as well as being a completely selfish twonk.

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