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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who is in the right here?

45 replies

Radley · 27/07/2006 15:51

Hubby has been working alot lately to cover for the holidays etc, dd1 and dd2 are really really missing their daddy, they are both in bed when he goes out to work and when he comes home, when he is on nights they see him for about an hour before he goes.

He has just walked in and told me his is going next door for an hour and toddled off. DD2 is sobbing her heart out because she wants to see daddy and can hear him through the gate and i'm sat here with the onset of a migraine.

he say's i'm wrong, i say its him. what do you think?

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 17:10

Having read your further posts I think you need to sit him down once the kids are in bed and tell him some home truths, make him see how his behaviour is affecting his children.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/07/2006 17:19

I dont think sitting him down and having a conversation (although you still should) will have as much impact as giving him a taste of his own medicine. His next day off you need to organise a day out for yourself - even if its popping round to a friends for the day without the children.

Then come home and after 5 minutes - disappear out again "for an hour".

Original poster
Radley · 27/07/2006 17:22

He has got until 7pm to show his face, after which I am going to go over throw his keys at him and come home.

We had a massive row yesterday morning and I thought he was going to hit me, but, he didn't and knows if he did i would hospitalise him. I would have thought he would have made an effort instead of thinking things were hunky dory

OP posts:
bundle · 27/07/2006 17:24

when he gets in if I were you, I'd go out. even if you have to sit with a copy of Ok! magazine and have a pizza somewhere or watch a cheesy film, just get out, you need a break.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/07/2006 17:25

I wouldnt even bother giving him a time limit,
i would just go and drop the kids on him
if he doesnt feed them or wash them properly for one night, it won t be no real harm done
but it will show him that you are no flippin doormat and not to be walked all over
agree with vvv about his next day off

wannaBe1974 · 27/07/2006 17:31

if my dh did this I would go absolutely belistic. I absolutely appreciate that everyone needs time to themselves, my dh does occasionally go out after work which means he doesn't see my ds, but he will even cancel a night out if he's been delayed at work and not seen him the night before. it's just not on. I agree with vvv, next day off arrange a day out, only don't tell him, wait until you're getting up and then say .. "oh I'm going out with ex", then leave and see how he likes it.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/07/2006 17:34

Maybe if you had a huge row yesterday he needs to let off steam to someone about it?

I wouldnt suggest throwing keys at him or inflaming things further. By all means take the kids around and come back though.

He still needs a taste of his own medicine.

Original poster
Radley · 27/07/2006 17:39

He's just come back home, sat down, had a go at me and gone back round, chuntering that he won't be having any time for the next few weeks etc, but, i'm sure he'll make up for it. I can't remember the last time i went out for a nightout. God I wish i was single sometimes.

OP posts:
7up · 27/07/2006 17:48

if its at all possible id bugger off now with the kids, dont leave a note and let him stew...but thats me!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/07/2006 17:50

Maybe if you started behaving like you were single it might give him the message.

I dont mean going out and sleeping with someone else,I mean making plans etc that just dont involve him. He will soon feel left out, and more importantly - if he's not involved you wont feel so let down when he has to work etc etc. It hopefully will keep the kids a bit more occupied and less worried about where Dad is. If they grow up without developing a good relationship with their father, well, thats up to him really. You can only do so much pushing.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/07/2006 17:51

THat is also a very good idea 7up!

ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 17:53

Agree with 7up, take the kids out for an hour for a, and let him fret a bit.n icecream or something

joelallie · 27/07/2006 18:48

He's perfectly entitled to a break after a long days work (as are you of course). But it would be more reasonable to take this break AFTER the kids are in bed. They need their dad too.

angelinaj · 27/07/2006 19:17

What an Arsehole, Do you know how many sexy caring men are out there. Leave him or threaten to. And then whatch his reaction, he doesn't know what he has got and needs to learn. Dickheads like that need a good KUTArse

I WOULD BE FURIOUS

Blondilocks · 27/07/2006 19:33

If it was every day then I think that it would be wrong of him to do it. A one off then fair enough.

My OH is working away currently but when he's back I don't expect him to spend 100% of his spare time with LO and I as he doesn't see any of his friends either. In the same way when I come home from work I don't always feel like spending all the time I'm at home with LO.

Give the guy a break if it's a one off.

warthog · 27/07/2006 20:19

i'd be climbing the walls with rage. i think disappearing for a bit with the kids would be what i'd do. go to movies with them or give them a treat.

he needs to grow up. we don't get to ditch our responsibilites when it suits us.

gothicmama · 27/07/2006 20:23

he should see the kids then go next door - esp if his dd is upset orif he is too stressed to he should plan an activite to do with her and let her know when and then do it

JellyNump · 27/07/2006 21:44

I think he should put his dd before himsel and his friends or whatever next door!!!

emkana · 27/07/2006 21:59

I'm really surprised how many of you are willing to take his side.
I would be livid and I think this is totally, totally out of order.
He can see his friends when his dd's are in bed, until then he should spend time with them, they need to see their daddy! I think it's really sad actually!

7up · 30/07/2006 11:57

how you doing radley, is the weekend any better?

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