Sex: Fiance not 'finishing' in the bedroom

[Beth9009]

I am getting married in a matter of weeks and most things are going fine, but there is one issue in the bedroom and that is that he rarely ejaculates. Should I be concerned?

Occasionally he'll manage it after about 40 minutes of going at it, but most times he'll just give up. He has never managed it through oral sex, only ever intercourse. Despite this, his sex drive is normal I think - we have it at least twice a week...sometimes every night, and only very rarely will he have trouble getting an erection (which I think is normal for men from time to time?).

So it doesn't really affect me as he is still able and willing to have sex, but is it something that I should be worried about? As in, does it indicate a downward path in terms of his sexual performance? I.e maybe in 5 years he'll have trouble keeping it up? If it matters, I'm 25 and he is 36.

In my view the main issue here is the problem with the foreskin. I speak from experience as i had exctly this problem.
Trying to orgasm through PIV is basically impossible (if he really is not able to retract foreskin at all as i wasn't). You often get little rips which are not very painful but enough to 'distract' you. Often there is also minor infections under the foreskin which leave blister like sores that you cannot see but also hurt. The final issue of course is when you cannot retract your foreskin there is very little sensation as most of the nerve endings are covered up, like wearing 4 condoms.
I had a circumcision 5 years ago after about 5-6 years of this and the problem is solved.

OP I guess you trust in what your future husband says which is good and the way it should be, and in which case it is a minor problem that can be resolved. Some men also have problems reaching orgasm in a certain sexual position, or they just get used to reaching orgasm in a particular way and need to retrain themselves (for want of a better word). It's absolutely no reflection of you.

There's nothing strange in a young man masturbating many times a day to porn, particularly as a teenager and early 20s which the vast majority grow out of once they have access to the real thing. Many women may not agree with the porn watching and masturbation when young, but there's nothing outlandish or freaky about it! I asked DH didn't it get sore after a while

The main concern to fix this would be if you want kids for all the logical reasons :) but in a loving, trusting partnership this should easily be fixed. I read somewhere that most men have some sort of performance issue at some point in their lives, be it not being able to get it up, premature ejaculation, this example, etc and they mainly get sorted out easily.

So long as you are communicating that's the main thing. There's some really great sex therapy you can do as a couple which will enhance your sex life too if you wanted to explore that.

That's interesting, shouldkeepquiet. I'm glad the op has fixed this issue for you.

OP, if your fiance doesn't have a physical problem like the above, it's going to be a matter of his training himself to engage with the sensations of real PIV sex. I've seen the fleshlight recommended for such use, though I've no idea whether the advice is good.

This would be a really big problem for me - and for once I agree with Lazyjaney - I do hope you will be able to resolve it between you.

"Why do you say that, Lazyjaney!??"

Because, porn or no porn, for things to work out, he needs to make some fairly major changes that he so far hasn't made. I'm not a great believer in the idea that people change hugely for the better from the first flush of romance days.

It could all be due to one of the arcane reasons given here, but by his mid 30's it's still not sorted?

And then there is the porn performances....

It's stark-ravingly obvious he's still using porn.

From what's happening and his sexual behaviour, mainly, but can't you see the contradiction in your last posts?

"He says he hasn't watched porn in a long while and rarely masturbates"

"He's said he's going to give up all porn and masturbation"

Don't be tricked into thinking that masturbation to porn is something every man does. They do not.

Even if some men do this while young, the ones with brains work out that it makes them rubbish at sex.

I can't help wondering whether he chose someone a bit inexperienced precisely because you wouldn't have much to compare him with. I bet his previous partners have complained and probably got rid of him, because the sex was so awful.

It's painful to read about a young woman who thinks this is what sex is like.

I'm a bit confused here. Am I the only one who doesnt see much of a problem here? My partner had delayed ejaculation and I loved it! He could last 1h no problem before he finished where my previous partner would last about 2min :/ Sometimes I would like him to finish faster because I like when he does but he doesnt mind! He loves sex and is always up for it. Also I need to add that he can come faster during anal sex. Sometimes I wish he would finish faster but I'm really happy in bed with him so not a big issue.

Well on another thread I've just read - it takes approx 3 minutes average for a man to ejaculate during penetrative sex.
Not sure that helps you though.
At least he's been honest.
Hopefully all will be well.

It's more than confusion if you can't see the problem here. It's not reading the poster's posts, thinking the issue described is just like the sex you have (it isn't) and then assuming that what you like, every other woman does too. The poster sees it as a problem. That's all that matters.

I didn't think the op was concerned. She asked if she should be. Not the same thing.

And my Xh couldn't even last 5 seconds. It was awful. He never could be bothered to try and change it.

I only added to the thread my own experience. Didnt mean to hurt anybody's feelings. Most important thing here is that op and her partner r talking about it....

Afraid I also think he chose an inexperienced partner for the purpose.

Some women really aren't that bothered about full PIV sex. I'm not among them. Since OP asked, I assume she isn't either.

He is still having his own sex life without you, btw, as commented above. I need to tell you it is rare for a man with an ingrained porn habit to change. It does happen - when you think about it, though, it involves complete reinvention of a very fundamental part of who he is. It's a big ask.