The Dating Thread 68.

[Bant]

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

[MasterP0]

Super I can relate to how you feel, especially when we get to the 3 month mark. I think because most of us have had bad experiences we have some trust issues, but we need to remember they are not the guys who hurt us/not all men are dogs. It's a daily struggle/work in progress because your mind can trick you. You just need to remember to give everyone a fair chance and stay positive (self fulfilling prophecy and all that nonsense)! Also I keep telling myself that I will not allow my (negative) past to dictate my future.

[MasterP0]

Bant fair enough. No hard feelings. Bear in mind I'm NOT shouting all the time, in my mind I'm emphasising! Your fault, my mistake, hahaha! Seriously no hard feelings, that was a joke.

[LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits]

Please enough with the arguments, I am far more offended and put off by this than anyone's forthright opinions.

I value Master's candor and personally don't feel she has been rude...that is my opinion. Another one...the way other posters have waded in to have a dig, is far more offensive than any one poster's opinion...even if you feel it rude. We're adults, capable enough to date then capable enough to ignore a post/poster we don't like. if either of those opinions make me an arsehole so be it.

Back to business... Kitty YAY! So glad you had a good time and it went well...did you get your vacuuming done first

Ava it is so nervewracking to start with but it does get easier and quite quickly considering. I have effectively been single for 15 years. Partly through choice, partly through circumstance and my word, dating, particularly OD is a minefield!! You will get invaluable support on this thread. Ask a question, share your highs and share your lows there will always be someone there to listen!!

[LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits]

[Embarrassed] Posted too soon...all done and dusted.

Crawls back under rock

[MasterP0]

Kitty thrilled you had a great date. Fingers crossed. What did you end up wearing in the end??

[MasterP0]

Lies THANK YOU for your support (((CUDDLES)))! I'm over the drama!

I'm sorry I just can't stop with the CAPS Bant sssiiiigggghhhhh

[Poffedoff]

Ugh..reading back over the last few posts of the previous thread has left a very sour taste in my mouth...it was tantamount to bullying imo...rallying of the troops to come on and put somebody firmly back in their place!
No offence Master but I know you'd be the last person who needs defending so that's not the point of this post..I was obviously naive in thinking that most of the advice given here on the thread was supportive and understanding...some of the comments were abrasive but I feel as an adult if I had found them overly upsetting I would have reported the poster or pm'd them with my concerns...think I'll take a sabbatical from the thread for a while as don't feel comfortable sharing what are quite personal thoughts and observations only to have them possibly ridiculed for the amusement of others on the thread,which is
EXACTLY what happened here.
Not normally prone to rants and tend to let sleeping dogs lie but in this instance I feel it really needed to be said...sorry for derailing the thread guys, best of luck to you all and thanks for the tremendous hand holding and advice over the past months :-)

[MasterP0]

Poff I'm relieved I'm not the only one who picked up on that; RE: the rallying of the golden oldies, SO TRANSPARENT AND JUVENILE!

Please Don't gooooo.

(((CUDDLES)))

[LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits]

Don't go Poff please....I could not agree with your post more!

I hope no one else is taking a silent sabbatical...have noticed a couple of absences today

I LOVE this thread. Only been around a couple of weeks so my credentials might not count for much but some of your posts poff have rang so true with me and you have given and received advice that I for one, have found invaluable. I am sending you some very un-mumsnetty xxxxxxx

[Poffedoff]

Incredibly juvenile...I think all the references made to school and 6th formers were very relevant...none of the posts were directed at me personally but the sneering tone and piss taking about some of the, granted, more lighthearted topics that have been discussed on the thread made me feel belittled even though I hadn't even participated in the original banter...
I'm not stomping off in a huff, not looking for attention ( because I'm not 10) but abhor bullying in all forms and just found that plain offensive!!

[MasterP0]

Ok now I'm even more pissed off than earlier. I will NOT stand for bullying, I can hold my own, but to have others who carry on like a lynch mob and directly cause others to leave is disgusting and disrespectful. THIS is not Bant and golden oldies dating thread/mumsnet. Base your accusations on FACT not on hearsay! I'm the first person to admit if I'm wrong, and would NEVER EVER intentionally hurt anyone, online or in RL. I've been nothing but supportive, not once have I disrespected anyone, or called anyone one a fool like Bant said. Ive genuinely been excited and pleased for those who find love by expressing myself using CAPS. I've asked Bant to copy and paste my rude comments (excluding the one where I called him a liar! I stand by that comment btw), no such evidence was forthcoming because it does NOT exist! I've been nothing but disparaging in reference to all the assholes that have silently dumped/cheated/lied/hurt anyone on here, including my ex's. I will continue to do so. RE: use of CAPS I don't even know what to say but laugh.

Next time anyone has an issue with me or a comment, please feel free to PM me, but to start drama over something so ridiculous is just CRAZY!

Bant REALLY???? I'm shouting that REALLY AT YOU

[Poffedoff]

Lies I cross posted there...thank you, sincerely and to you Master...I'm sure all will return to normality soon and I know super has a point, people won't want to post about dating stuff while all this is still going on but I just couldn't let it be swept past without commenting on it...

[49howdidthathappen]

Am I a golden oldie??? I have a thick skin

[TalisaMaegyr]

Who the hell are you to decide who can post on the thread Master? It's not YOUR thread This has been going for a long time, and lots of people have lurked and/or posted for all that time. There wasn't a Thread Leader role last time I checked.

I have no vested interest either way. But from a reader's point of view, you are waaay overreacting. Bant was polite and respectful to you in his requests, and now you're accusing him of bullying? Do me a fucking favour.

[LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits]

Have actually just read through the last few pages of 67, was clearly very lost last night and my upset related to this thread 68. I am now appalled.

If anyone's out there looking for personal attacks....there they be. Reread people. Think about it. I hope you all had a jolly wheeze with your chums and well done, you all succeeded in derailing the thread and making people feel shit about themselves.

Nice to see you're still at it and are interested in other people's opinions...enjoy the thread.

[TalisaMaegyr]

How is a squabble between a couple of posters making people feel shit about themselves? Master and Bant are both pretty forthright posters as far as I can see... Both can give as good as they get, and do. I'm just annoyed at accusations of bullying, that's all. There's no need for it. I did say upthread that it's a bit off to be so brutally honest with other people and not be able to take it yourself!

[MasterP0]

Talisa I'm accusing YOU and your friends of being bully's! Deal with it!

Your point that it's been going on for a long time is irrelevant, does that justify YOU or Bant in telling me what I should write, to say that I'm being rude, when I've not been rude, NO IT DOESNT! who the HELL ARE YOU to be making accusations based on hearsay and not FACT???? I'm overreacting, that's rich coming from you! Bant clearly thinks he's the leader by making his unfounded accusations. (Ref: Bants post from last night at 23:51)

[OhWesternWind]

Funny how people won't stand for "bullying" but let disablist and sexist and ageist comments pass unchallenged, or make them themselves. That's far more serious in my opinion than some pratting around about beauty routines and capital letters.

Yeah, we were juvenile last night, but it's an open forum, grow a thick skin. If you don't like it, close your eyes.

[lubeybooby]

explaining to someone that caps = shouting is bullying. Right.

it's actually in the MN guidelines, so guess they're bullies too.

[TalisaMaegyr]

Can you point out the posts where I've done any of those things please? I've offered an outsider's perspective a couple of times, but that's all

[Bant]

Again, master. I asked you to stop 'shouting'. I haven't told you or anyone else not to post, as everyone has always been welcome to, unless they've attacked others in the past.

I haven't lied about anything. I said I received PMs from people who thought your posts were cruel, and obviously some of them decided to post.

Please stop accusing me of stuff I haven't done. I quite liked the thread nice and friendly and chatty, all I asked, politely, was that you try not to be so shouty because it's annoying. If other people take issue with your posts, that's not really down to me, is it?

Can we just go back to talking about dating without all the accusations of bullying? No one is being told to leave, no one is being told to shut up. Apart from me, maybe

[Poffedoff]

I don't think Master is telling anybody that they can't post on the thread Talisa...the very obvious and quite frankly childish hijack of the thread 67 was no coincidence, not saying all of the posters that joined in were aware of what was going on but Jesus, Master isn't the one who you should be slating here, have you read through the last few pages of it? Do you think anyone deserves that kind of treatment?
You are right, everyone has a right to post on here and you are also correct in saying that nobody is "leader" of the thread...maybe it's not master who should be told that though?

[TalisaMaegyr]

Ohhhhh. That's the PM messagers that were referred to earlier. I didn't know you'd had PMs Bant

I'm not really slating anyone Poffed - I just hate bullying accusations being bandied about willy nilly. And my reference to who can post on the thread was more about Master telling people to PM her instead of posting directly on the thread - I've never really agreed with that, honesty is the best policy and all that, as I'm sure Master would agree.

[Flipper934]

Actually, Master, it was me that that said you said someone was a fool if they whatever. I think I wasn't clear with what I meant. The way in which you expressed your opinions may be seen by (some, delicate) people to imply that they would be foolish to follow a particular course of action. Maybe it's just me, but I would prefer:

I'd be wary of doing x because....

To:

Never do that!

If I want to give an alternative point of view, it's easier to do so in response to the first, whereas the second means that I have to actively disagree. I've avoided posting advice in the recent past because of this.
I don't know if that makes sense? That's just my preference, of course. As several people have pointed out, though, they like a straight up approach.

Sorry if that sounds patronising, it really isn't meant to be.

I do agree that last night's behaviour (including my part in it) was childish and could have caused offence. I am sorry for that.

[LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits]

Talisa
Reread it. It is bullying, belittling and disrespectful to posters who's conversations were being mocked.

I have been far from brutally honest and I can take it. I have toned down my language and my responses because actually, I am an alright person who looks for the best in people. I tried to sit on the fence when I thought it was a disagreement between two posters, turns out it wasn't and I got splinters. I have no affiliations, like I said been around a couple of weeks, have no credentials, just my opinions.