Name changed for this, have been a regular poster here for a while.
I'm not sure where to start with this as it's long and I don't want to drip feed so I'll try my best. I have been with my partner since 2010, I have a DS from a previous marriage and am pregnant at the moment, though it is early days.
I'll be honest, I don't have any real hobbies as such but I am happy the way I am before anyone asks, I don't feel down about anything. In my own time especially after work I like to read books, watch the tv, go on mumsnet, I read the papers a lot and like to debate about things, when it's sunny I like to go for walks or take DS to the park and beach but my partner constantly says I am boring and have no hobbies. I get upset at this but he constantly says how much I bore him. He has what he says are "real" hobbies like he enjoys working on cars and gardening but he says mumsnetting, reading papers etc aren't real hobbies and I bore him to death, I've been called a "boring cunt" before. Sometimes I have questioned myself and convinced myself I am not normal and tried to get myself into things like running but I just don't like it, I am happy the way I am but he makes me feel like I am the most dull person on earth. I do have my own friends to, they often come over for drinks or like next week for an example, we take my DS out together for a meal and a shop etc. I don't even always buy anything but I have a keen interest in fashion (again, partner says this isn't a real hobby)
Sometimes he is so nice to me and things will be great for a while then suddenly he just turns on me and insults me about how boring I am and how I don't do anything. The other day he actually had a go at me because apparently I was on the laptop but "didn't look at him when he was talking to me" I knew EXACTLY what he was saying and was doing two things at once (applying for a job) he said I am extremly rude even though I can remember everything he said and my replies. It's just like he loves putting me down.
He is constantly critical of everything I do as well. Like I can't wash up properly apparently, I do things the "wrong way" like I eat with a knife and fork in the opposite hand to most as it's comfortable. If I chop things in a certain way he HAS to show me his way as it's better (and I try just to shut him up but I'm a grown woman for crying out loud, I know what is best for me!) It's like I am not allowed a personality of my own. Like when I am cooking I like to be alone (small kitchen, it's just my preferance) and start to get a a bit stroppy I won't lie if i have people crowding round me, he says I am rude and he "just wants to help" i always say thank you and I appreciate it but I just prefer to do that on my own.
He says I am never allowed to mention the past as it's the past and to be honest, I don't. Sometimes if he has upset me I will mention that he has done it before (like calling me the c word) and asked him to not do it as it upsets me but he does it again. He also had a lot of anger issues for the first while we were together, i.e, smashing things up, sometimes physical towards me, a lot of insults. I stood by him whilst he sought help for his issues and have tried my best to be supportive. But I am not allowed to ever mention it yet he can bring up my past. When I got with him I was honest in the fact I had suffered post natal depression with my son and responded badly, I was still a good mother but I did go out once or twice a week to nightclubs and I had a few one night stands. Well quite a lot. I do hugely regret the way I acted but I suppose I wanted to feel attractive and felt lonely and down about myself after my first marriage broke down. He says I am a slag and often brings this up for doing that even though I can't bring up anything that was even mentioned yesterday.
Also about two years ago he was messaging his childhood sweetheart (he was with her from about age 14 to nearly 16) and in the messages he called her "gorgeous" and they were talking about him picking her up late at night as she was drunk. He says nothing else happened and when I found out he did delete her, block her from all contact but it has stuck in my mind ever since. He says he only called her that as she was feeling down about herself and says I just make a big deal out of it. He had been hiding his phone for a while before that though so part of me wonders if he deleted more. If I say this though he just goes mad and storms off into another room and ignores me all night.
That is also what he does. If we argue he always has to storm off and sulk over night. I hate sleeping on rows, I don't tend to sleep well and just want to get it sorted but he will just sleep in another room huffing himself to sleep.
The thing is sometimes he is so nice, when I am home from work he will be there to cook dinner, he'll have cleaned the house or done things for me (but even then he says I don't show enough appreciation and he says my face says it all!) Sometimes we have these lovely evenings together and I can't deny he is a fantastic Father to my child. He is very attentitve to him and would never hurt him, that I trust, 100%. I don't know why I am writing this really. I just feel like I am the most boring, dull person on earth and feel like my confidence is being chipped away at.