girlfriends ex husband obsessively texting?

[candyce83]

Hello all i am new here?

Here is some background info, I have been in a 2 and a half relationship with my girlfriend who has two boys, 4 and 7. She was with a man for 15 years and they are going through a divorce. Things have been somewhat amicable between him and I, however when those two fight, he will ring me or text me constantly and forward her messages to me. i don't read them and i don't respond. He has also been known to ring her mum.

Last night I was out with some friends(which doesnt happen often) and he text me 13 times as him and my girlfriend were fighting. I didn't respond once. Then he sent me a picture of the boys eating pizza and watching movies?.i thought to myself, is this supposed to make me think wow what a great dad?all the while he's obsessively texting me and sending horrible messages to my girlfriend?

I am at my wits end, I had to leave my friends because i felt so shitty. Their fighting really gets me down and causes so many arguments between me and my girlfriend. I feel sorry for the boys as they can hear them shouting on the phone at each other or occasionally have a full blow argument in front of them.

My question is, why is he doing this to me? is it to cause trouble? my girlfriend told him yesterday the last time he came into the house screaming it caused a massive problem between us to the point of me leaving for a week and then he does it again the next day by dragging me into their issues!!! Why would anyones ex contact their exes current girlfriend about their problems other than to cause problems?

Should I write him an email telling him what i think? he is obsessed with how he looks to everyone else. anytime he takes the boys away he pawns them off on his family and one time he left Ds, the 7 year old, in a tent on his own at a festival while he was with some woman in another tent. He claims he just wants to be a good dad, but he's constantly changing the weekends he has them(obviously he wouldn't do the same for us) for plans with his new gf and xmas was a joke. he sat on his arse and watched what he wanted on tv and didn't once play with them.

Please help i am so frustrated!!!

You have named a child. Ask mnhq to delete/ammend.

This ex clearly wants to cause trouble, you're doing the right thing by ignoring. Can you block their number?

Dont let him drive a wedge between you. Do you not think that is exactly what he wants? Instead of turning on each other as a reaction to him, stand firm together in the face of him and support one another.

What are you actually saying to each other in these arguments? Blaming each other for his behaviour? Saying how he should be responded to?

He must be loving that!

What is your girlfriend doing to put a stop to this and why do they have so much contact?

I would send one last text saying you are going to block his number. Or I would just block it.

For the rest, let your girlfriend deal with it.

Why does he have your number?

He's doing it because 1) he's angry and 2) your GF gives him airtime.

Read it back through - he made you and your GF have such a big argument it made you leave for a week. He finds out about this. Well of course he's going to do it again - he has the power to make you leave! Even if he doesn't want your GF back, he's going to want her to be unhappy. This is a brilliant outcome for him.

You need to presuade and support your GF that if she is divorcing him, she really only needs contact with him about the children. And even then it should be as unemotional as possible. The more she argues with him, the more the pair of them are still in a relationship, allbeit an unhappy one, which doesn't leave much space for you.

If she can't do this, she may not be ready to go out with someone new yet.

Change your number.

I think he has my number because of the boys…I tried to play mediator between them for awhile then I thought to myself, I don't need the aggro and its not my job to provide counseling. They are adults.

As for blocking you can't block texts…

Hmm as for when we fall out over him, I guess maybe it is over how the fights are handled. Usually he likes to call her every name under the sun and obviously this upsets her so then i have to deal with the fallout. We are happy when he is not around to shake things up and we only ever fight about him. I don't like the fact that she entertains him when he winds her up. It can carry on for the whole day/week.

They do only contact each other about the children. Its things like him not paying for much like school jumpers, etc…or him taking the boys away and lying about their whereabouts…or just him lying, she seems to get really angry about him lying a lot of the time. He likes to threaten suicide…I tell her to ring the police. He is highly manipulative.

Should I contact him? Am I out of order for feeling so frustrated with being in the middle of their fights? She tells him many times not to contact me but he won't listen. I feel like she's waiting for a change from him that will never happen. And yeah i do feel like its a three way relationship. Where is there any room for me with all the attention on them fighting? I feel so unhappy.

It sounds exhausting. I think you need to step back and let your girlfriend sort it or ask yourself why she hasn't already done so. How long since they split up?

He is harassing you.

Your gf seems to thrive on the drama, as she is constantly arguing with him.

I would just leave. Let her stew with him in their arguments. You dont need this, as she has clearly not really moved on, if she is so angry with him that she spends days shouting.

Definitely don't contact him yourself, you are just adding fuel to the fire.

How does she entertain him when he winds her up?

There was a thread here a few days ago about exes who threatened suicide. Sadly they were all still alive . If she reacts each time, he knows the strategy works so will threaten it over and over and over...

Your GF knows he is a git as she has left him but still needs help to really ignore him. I'd focus on helping her to realise he's always going to be useless and not rise to it or expect a change.

Where are her children when she is on the phone shouting?

Sounds like they are both as terrible as eachother, it takes two to tango.

I am guessing he is forwarding her texts to you to show you how badly she is goading him, hoping you can ask HER to stop?

Why is your girlfriend ruining contact for her own children, if they are there trying to spend time with their dad? Why can she just not let him be?

They both sound awful.

I'd get rid and find someone who doesn't thrive on drama.

She always wants to know why I don't defend her….like when he came in the house screaming at her and they both started fighting…i felt so uncomfortable and I didn't want to join in because of the boys…i brought them upstairs and out of the way so they didn't have to listen to it.

She entertains him by taking the bait every time…hell say things to wind him up or vice versa and it carries on which upsets her then I have to deal with the emotional fallout.

I dunno i think in the 15 years they were together, their relationship was completely codependent.

It took him 2 years to move out and its been 6 months since he's been in his own flat. He stayed on the couch for a few days when I moved in and my gf had to tell him to leave…its just weird. He always wanted to hang out with us but I would end up with the kids while he sat talking with her so I guess him wanting to hang out was just another way to get close to her. he acts like he's my friend but he isn't because this is the drama he causes. It makes me resent my gf for not just leaving it.

Thanks Kundry…I always tell her to ignore his horrible texts but he just will keep texting….or to be honest when Im with her she doesn't text him but when im at work or she's at work shell spend the whole day texting back and forth.

Quintessential…He has sent some horrible messages I have seen them all(we have no secrets) but im past the point of caring now. He's the kind of person who thinks the sun shines out of his arse when Ive seen different and it is infuriating.

He does the same exact thing to her…when we get any sort of quality time alone hell text the whole time while he has the boys. He leaves out any texts that he's written. Believe me he is no angel. Why should i sort her out its their fight? Why doesn't he just not respond? Why don't they both just not respond?????

they both shout on the phone in front of the kids…nothing has really changed since he's moved out.

It's awful when parents are so caught up in hating each other that they cant step back and put the kids first.
It sounds like an awful situation all round.

Why doesn't he just not respond? Why don't they both just not respond?????

Yes indeed. So she thrives on the drama.

You cant change what HE does. You can only try influence your gf. And if you cant, then leave. She cant continue like this. They are both as bad as eachother.

If she did not respond, things would be very different. She has a choice. She can say "Let us talk when we are both calm", or "I wont engage with you when you are this angry" "I will not engage in a texting/slanging match with you"

etc

They sound like awful people and dreadful parents. Poor kids having to listen to the pair of them.

Ok the problem is hell send text after text despite no response. He sent me 13 texts yesterday in the space of an hour and I said nothing to him..not one single response. He is invading my boundaries completely. Is there any way i can stop him legally?

Um calamitykate I think that is an unfair assumption. They're both just emotionally immature and its everyone who pays for it, mainly the boys.

Bloody hell this sounds hard work.

In your position i would be thinking about not continuing with the relationship.

Nobody needs this shit in their life. Why put yourself through it when you dont have too?

It totally is hard work….I guess cuz I love her. I feel like a fool.

You should be able to block text messages, if you have an android phone or iphone I'm pretty sure there are apps you can download, it's worth a try.

Good luck, although if it was me I would've told the pair of them to grow up and walk away.

Can i ask how old you are?

When your in a relationship with someone, it takes a hell of alot more than love to make it work.

Relationships shouldnt be hard work.