Grown men who fancy teenage girls

[Neepandthedragon]

I was 17 when I met exp and 18 when we got together, he was in his forties. I looked really young for my age too. I am now in my 30's and have 2 dc with him.

I woke up in the middle of the night remembering how he used to comment on girls we drove past, often making nasty sexual comments. It was always the younger ones he would notice and often very young 15 year old types but sometimes younger - and much younger than I was at the time. I felt sick when this occurred to me and its bothering me.

Just trying to make sense of my life and wondering what you think about men like this.

He made nasty sexual comments about passing children and you had children with this man?

But to answer your question, men AREN'T like this. DH doesn't make nasty sexual comments about anyone never mind children.

I'm not surprised you feel sick. I do too.

Why did you get together with a man who was so much older than you?

I'm not trying to kick you while you're down - just intrigued.

Remember OP herself was little more than a child when she got together with her partner. Her judgement at 30 will be very different from her judgement at 18.

Not really helpful asking "Why did you have children with this man?". Smacks of smugness.

I would think a 40 yr old man making sexual comments about underage girls was a paedophile tbh.

I agree, it's not men, it's him.

I'm sorry you ended up with someone like this, and at such a very young age.

You were a child when you met.

Your husband is into young girls, you knew this.

Where do you want to go from here op?

No way op its weird. Dp is 27 and finds it inappropriate the way some under 18s dress as he sees them as underage girls (which they are!) You were very young when you got with him so i am not surprised you have started to see what his really like. I would not be happy with that behaviour and personally i would run.

Blonde he's the ex now.

Smug? No.

Concerned about the OPs DC? Damn right i am!

My judgement at 18 was that 40 year old men interested in teens were pervs. Still is.

He sounds quite ghastly. OP - I wonder why these comments have occurred to just now? Is there anything else going on?

I very much hope you have finally outgrown this man and can see him for what he really is

Do you plan to do anything concrete with the feelings you have about him ?

Bleurgh. I find teenage girls pretty revolting actually. The high-pitched squeaking, the ludicrous music, the eye-watering perfume.

Had a colleague like the OP's exp; he was battered quite badly in a pub car park eventually.

Bloody hell, I can't believe I missed he was an ex

Sorry, love

My sentiments remain though. Glad you are away from this prick

When I was 15 and a virgin I was raped by a man in his late 30's.
It utterly destroyed me during my teens and early twenties, and I've never really had a functional relationship. I thought it was my fault as I told him I fancied him. I was thrilled at the time when he sent me horribly explicit texts - "he must fancy me too !"

Only now do I realise a decent man would have ignored the childish flirting of a naïve, unworldly 15 year old.

Sorry, OP, but for me it suggests he's unable to succeed with women of his own age. Though I know my view is biased.

I am so sorry, Jon

Thanks AF. I'm gutted it affected me for so long, and I think I probably will always be single (which more than suits me anyway) but I do have a very strong "spidey sense" with older men and younger girls/women.

What's triggered this now, OP? Something that's enough to post about to total strangers? Have you mentioned this (whatever it is) to RL people.

fwiw he is an anachronism, with v poor boundaries and a misplaced sense of authority. I'd be pretty concerned if I were you at what he does to convert his vocalised views into action. IN the context of acceptable sexual interactions he sounds extremely creepy and potentially v abuse. But you know that already. So why raise it now?

I think they are revolting and ime they go after young girls because they are easily controlled.

when I worked in the young womens project (girls straight from care, gateway to independent living) there was a bloke in his mid 30s who would target these girls. They would become his girlfriend and he would target them one by one.

he was extremely manipulative. I was very frustrated because aside from banning him from the home and trying to help the girls to see that this was not a grand love affair, there was not much I could do. They werent prisoners and I knew where they were when they didnt come home.

I reported him to ss, to my line manager and to the police. Did no good at all.

It is very disturbing when a grown man targets vulnerable teenage girls and emotionally tortures them and so frustrating when you cant make him stop, and cant make them see him for what he is.

he carried on, so I am told, until he was too old to be attractive to them.

The most horrific thing of all was hearing that he was trying to impregnate these girls. The youngest (she was not in my project) was 15.

I'd minimise contact as much as possible, op.

I have a friend who is small, slender and girlish, at 25 she married a man who turned out to be a child abuser and he abused her dds.

She asked him if he was attracted to her because she looked like a little girl (before she found out about her dds, he was caught doing more minor but disturbing things) and he couldn't answer her

It is very concerning behaviour, would you consider asking for supervised contact? I know it sounds paranoid but the safety of your children is the most important thing.

Yes I got he was an ex, was just asking op where she wants to go from here.

Someone in the same house I lived in as a fourteen year tried to rape me. I buried it for years and years until something triggered it. Ime this will keep coming up until you deal with it.

Agree Blonde, Best wishes OP xxxx