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Original poster

Joint assets?

48 replies

airforsharon · 10/01/2014 14:35

briefly, dh & I talked about separating last autumn, instigated by him. I didn't want us to split, but when I realized he had obviously been thinking about it, and planning, for a while I said fine, go. He then backtracked, said he didn't want to and we are still together, though tbh problems we were having before aren't really resolved.

He recently a large sum from his fathers estate, has paid off the mortgage on this house, and is now talking about - out of the blue - buying flat to let out, as an investment. I guess after what happened last year I don't quite trust him and am wondering if he has been advised to invest the money in this way so that, if he decides he does want to leave, it won't be considered a joint asset.

We've been married 14 years and have three young dcs.

I'm sorry of this sounds like I'm money-grabbing, I'm not. But I'm very concerned that he could leave us high and dry - I've been a sahm mum (very much with his approval as he is self employed and works stupid hours) for 7 years now, and have no savings of my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 14:35

sorry, that should be recently inherited...

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2014 15:03

I strongly recommend you check all of this out with a solicitor but, from what I understand, all of the above - the inheritance, a flat, the paid off mortgage - would be classed as marital assets. It's not money-grabbing to want to protect your future if there are any question-marks over it. It's very sensible, especially if you have DCs and no income of your own. BTW... don't you get any say in how this money is spent? If he does buy a flat to let out, you can insist that your name is on the deeds.

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 15:09

cogito thankyou.

No, he's not asked for my input at all re the money. he said months ago that he would pay the mortgage off (and he did) but the first I knew about the flat was when he said yesterday that he had arranged to view one today. He did ask me to go along, and I did.

As an aside, when I had a small inheritance a few years ago, he said he would have half to pay off his car loan. I was a bit unimpressed, but did give it to him. It has always rankled in a petty way though.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2014 15:12

Doesn't think much of you, does he? Another thought if you believe things might still end up in the divorce courts. Self-employed people can become incredibly elusive about their income and find all kinds of ways to under-declare when it comes to maintenance calculations. Do you think he's be one of those?

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 15:54

Well that's the funny thing, until last year i would never have said that of him, he's always been very fair and open about finances and I've never had any concerns about that side of things. The way he's behaved about this inheritance - not discussing it with me at all - isn't like him, and I think that's why I'm feeling so uneasy.

I was tempted to say 'well now your money has come through you can repay me for your car loan' but decided against it -i don't want to give him any excuse to get unpleasant. So i thought it would be better to start quietly doing some research and ask for advice first off on here.

BTW can i insist my name goes on the deeds of any flat purchase? I hadn't considered that.

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prh47bridge · 10/01/2014 16:23

Everything is an asset of the marriage including any investment flat regardless of whether or not your name is on the deeds. The courts will want to see a fair split of all the assets and their first priority will be to make sure that everyone has a roof over their heads, particularly the children.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2014 16:32

As the PP said, it's not essential to be on the deeds in a divorce situation but I think you could insist on the very simple basis that this is a family investment/enterprise and you are an equal partner. 'All my worldly goods I thee endow'... etc.

Joysmum · 10/01/2014 16:37

So he's paid off the house and is talking about getting a buy to let. Both these things benefit the marriage and aren't things for him. What's he spending on him?

Unless I've got this very wrong, he's only doing things for the family finances and his crime is that he's not discussing anything with you so you don't feel in a partnership, even if you do benefit.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2014 16:39

Given that this man has already discussed separation with the OP, her being excluded from big financial decisions, whether they benefit the family or not, is significant. These are only the ones she knows about, don't forget.

Onefewernow · 10/01/2014 16:47

I think it is a bad idea to ask for money back in case it sets a precedent on how inheritance is split? I think you do need legal advice.

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:05

Joysmum well yes, but the flat purchase would only benefit me if we divorce, as it turns out. Any income for the flat rental will go straight to him, into his personal savings, not to 'us'. And he does spend quite a bit on him, but as long as the bills are paid and the dcs provide for, I have no problem with that and never have had.

As I said up post - it's his change of attitude combined with his wanting to separate last year, but now apparently not, combined with my being hazy about the legalities/financial side of a split that has made me uneasy.

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Onefewernow · 10/01/2014 17:08

He doesn't sound very nice at all.

WhoNickedMyName · 10/01/2014 17:12

Be careful he doesn't buy the flat through his business and not personally.

My FIL owns and rents out 2 houses through his business, which is nothing to do with property whatsoever.

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:12

onefewer it's baffling me.

I know we all change to a degree over time - life, dcs etc all does that to you. But I feel like I don't really know him at all just now.

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Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:16

who nicked that hadn't occurred to me.....he hasn't said that's his intention.

I remembered this afternoon that he also put a sum into a new high interest account he opened, but hasn't mentioned that to me - I saw (not snooping!) the paperwork on his desk.

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FloWhite · 10/01/2014 17:17

My memory of divorcing was that ALL our individual assets and debts were considered as a joint pot until we were divorced and the settlement had been awarded to each of us. I would consult a solicitor for peace of mind OP.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2014 17:18

Did he give a reason for wanting to break up last year? Was it out of the blue or had things been bad for a while?

TheSparklyPussycat · 10/01/2014 17:20

I think Family Courts have some leeway for recent inheritance to be excluded from the family assets in the event of a divorce - it is certainly what I was advised during my own divorce, although eventually I did give him quite a lot of my dosh to be free of him (he was a cocklodger). But my DC are grown up. As someone upthread said, in divorce the courts are looking to have young DC provided for as the priority, and for each party to be able to move on with their lives.

maleview70 · 10/01/2014 17:23

All assets are joint if married but a judge doesn't always split 50/50. Being married 14 years helps though.

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:33

Flo thanks, and to all who suggested it - I have just emailed a solicitor to see if I can arrange a free half hour appointment and get some advice.

cogito no, not really. His reasons were vague - I've changed (having 3 dcs does that to a person I think) and he feels I starting pushing him away after last dc was born, and just getting on with things on my own. If he feels that, he knows why - he can be verbally aggressive towards the dcs, and is an habitual drinker ie 6 nights out of 7 (though not a drunk), both reasons meaning I feel I can't leave the dcs with him for long - I've never had a night away for example. So i do feel that I can't rely on him for support and probably yes, have distanced myself in a way. I have discussed these things with him several times over the past couple of years, have suggested parenting courses to help him re the dcs and counselling for us....he makes the right noises but doesn't actually do anything. Same applies to his drinking - it might sound funny but it makes him snore like a pig and really affects my sleep. He knows this, but refuses to cut down. Or he does for a week or so, then it creeps up again. He doesn't

He is not a bad person, but I don't understand how he can do things that affect us (me/dcs) quite detrimentally, be aware of it, but do nothing to solve it. And the worst of it is, I rarely make a big thing of it, usually try and calm the waters and rarely nag at him (I hate the word nag, but I can't think of a better one).

We're getting on ok at the moment, but I can't help feeling there is something going on I'm not aware of. A friend always tells me to Heed The Gut, and maybe I should.

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Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:36

sparklyso if he knows (or thinks) that, that might explain the timing of his saying he wanted to split? It was about the time the inheritance was due to come through. Although he said he had an idea of using it to buy himself a house nearby, leaving me & dcs in our home.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2014 17:38

Do you think there could be someone else? IME when you feel like you don't really know someone any more it's because their attention is elsewhere and they're distancing themselves a little & acting out of character, weighing up whether to go or stay. An alcohol problem can do that all by itself, of course.

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:42

No, I'm pretty sure there's no one else - I asked him last year, he said no and tbh I've got no reason to suspect otherwise.

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prh47bridge · 10/01/2014 17:42

Family Courts have some leeway for recent inheritance to be excluded from the family assets in the event of a divorce

They do but only if there is enough money to meet everyone's reasonable needs.

Be careful he doesn't buy the flat through his business and not personally

Makes no difference. If he owns the business that is also an asset of the marriage. And if he tries to do something else (e.g. sell the assets to a friend for a low value) the courts are very experienced in unpicking arrangements where one partner is trying to hide assets.

Original poster
airforsharon · 10/01/2014 17:44

prh thankyou

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