That saying to friends that I broke his heart

[bongobaby]

I am somewhat taken a back that my last exp has taken to going around telling people that I broke his heart breaking up with him. This is now the third person who has told me he has been saying this.
We went out for 4 years and at the beginning he was a charmer, funny and seemed to care for me and my ds from a previous relationship so all went well at first. But a few months into the relationship he changed into a Jekyll and hide controlling arsehole.
He would drink a lot and call me vile names such as scum and a rat and telling me that I had no class. And who did I think I was. We would break up because he said I wasn't behaving myself and it was my fault. Then he would turn the charm on and say sorry.
I then got pregnant and he told me that we ain't fucking having a baby and to get rid. I was undecided and was due to talk to a councillor but he went mad and told me like fuck are you doing that I don't want strangers know ing my business. Every day he would phone me at work and scream down the phone asking if I had gotten rid of it yet.
Anyway it turned out that I was bleeding and was referred to a and e. he came with me. They admitted me and it looked like I was losing the baby. He left me in the hospital and flew off to see his parents abroad for Xmas. Turns out I was in hospital for 6 days with an ectopic pregnancy and was very scared in my own.
They operated through keyhole and took the baby and my tube.It was my first Xmas away from my ds and luckily my relatives stepped up and looked after ds.
When I told him what was going on and asked him to come back he refused saying that he thought I was only having a miscarriage and that he wasn't coming back as he was with his family and I wasn't part of that so had no right to ask him to leave.
I got out of hospital very sore and upset, he eventually came round to my house and told me again not to tell anyone his business.
We broke up as he couldnt handle seeing me like that, sore and upset and left me.
Now he is going around telling people I broke his heart. Sorry for the long post but I'm pissed off he is saying that. aibu in thinking he shouldn't be doing this

He's obviously a complete arsehole (and that's the politest way I can put it) and probably wants people to think he's the great guy.

You can't stop him doing it and yes it's damned annoying but, as I am sure you know, you are incredibly better off without him.

Of course he shouldn't be saying this. He is still trying to control you, to get a reaction from you, to make you play his game.

It's completely fine to vent on here about it of course, but in RL don't even engage in conversation about it - just look slightly startled, say 'Did he really say that? How odd.' Then move away or change the subject. Don't get drawn in. Don't get drawn back in.

Honestly, it sounds like you had a lucky escape here.

I am of course sorry about the eptopic though, that must have been hard x

I wouldn't worry about anything he says. Just be glad you are rid of the asshole.

Dunno about broke his heart, He ought to consider himself lucky you didn't break his neck!

What a vile, abusive and thoroughly evil twat.

don't ever cover for him again, laugh ryely and say 'Yeah, he would say that wouldn't he? the truth is WAY worse looking for him'

It just brings it all back when I see these friends and they tell me what he has said. We broke up 2 years ago and I never have talked about having an ectopic aswell as losing one of my tubes. It hurt me and when I tried to explain that to him that day he came round. He said well you got another haven't you. I totally shut down and now it's back on my mind all the hurt he caused.

What a scumbag please don't let him wind you up further. He is hardly likely to admit the truth and true friends will not listen to his lies.

These are mutual friends between us that he said were not my friends and would tell me how they would slag me off behind my back. So I backed away from them and kept my distance. They probably think that I was a right cow to him because goodness knows how he has been telling his version.

Tell your friends that you don't want to hear anymore about him. If they are true friends they will do as you ask.

Sorry for what you have gone through, but happy you are no longer with him, he sounds like a right cunt!

My ex also told a load of lies. Apparently I left him for pastures new and not because he's an abusive alcoholic at all . And of course he was devastated just not devastated enough to give up drinking .

I didn't let it bother me because those people that knew me knew he was full of shit and I really don't care about the rest's opinion of me.

I think that it's more that I can't see why in his head its alright for him to be saying this. How an earth did I break his heart when he treated me like dirt. It's like when he used to say to me that no man will ever love you like I do. It feels like he is trying to knock me back on my arse again and feel not worthy. Im getting myself into a state.

I had that too. He couldn't have been more wrong.

You're away from him now. Don't let him make you doubt yourself. You know he's an arse.

The only time I ever put anyone right about the whole thing was when he started with the 'poor me' act to our dd (who was 14 then). Threats from me to him to tell everyone how it really was put a stop to that.

I take it that in the two years since you split up he hasn't found someone else to bully and abuse in your place? I do hope he isn't trying to play the sympathy card with your friends, which will lead on to them telling you he wants to get back with you and give things another try. He sounds like an absolute boil on the arsehole of humanity and you are well rid of him.

It sounds like he is telling your friends this load of codswallop to get you to doubt yourself about how bad your "relationship" really was. If you do start to doubt yourself, please read your OP back to yourself and reassure yourself that he really is a twat of the highest order and you should not have anything to do with him ever again.

I've had this too, he even uses the 'she threw me out and broke my heart sob sob' story to pull 19 year old girls, who he then makes cut, dye and curl their hair like mine {puke} He's vile, and ime people do see straight through it apart from their next victim they just don't say it out loud.

I feel your pain though, I also lost a baby and he treated me like shit afterwards then left me heammoraging on the bathroom floor it's shit but rise above it and do as pp suggested with sayin 'oh really, how odd' with a face, people will soon clock on

Yes he is in another relationship now. So odd that he is still bringing my name up to friends now. I would literally be horrid to ever see him again and hope that he never comes looking for me, think that's why I'm getting into a state and worrying. I'm frightened off his bullying ways and don't want that again in our lives.

We were off and on in the four years. He would turn up out off the blue saying he had spilt up with a gf and needed a place to stay for the night. Sleep with me and then disappear for weeks saying he needed space from me. I didn't know where we were at and he just left me hanging wondering if we were together or not. Told me that I shouldn't rush him.

You only have his word for it, that these mutual friends were horrible about you. Maybe they weren't.

Try to put him out of your mind, I know it's hard when you're struggling to understand, but he doesn't sound worth the headspace.

I don't think they were horrible about me behind my back. Maybe it was his way of making me distancing myself from them by him saying they were being horrible,so that they didn't find out about the baby. Or as he put it, knowing his business.

Telling friends you broke his heart could be his excuse for avoiding commitment to the current gf - "I am so cut up about it, I need time to learn to trust, so don't pressure me" blah blah.

If he turns up on your doorstep ever again I hope you ignore him.

Unfortunately, you shouldn't be surprised at his conduct. Basically, if all you say is true, he's simply a complete and utter bstard continuing to behave like a complete and utter bstard.

Easy to say and hard to do, but don't waste your time and energy thinking about him.

We have moved this thread to relationships now at the request of the OP.

Please please see this for what it is: him still thinking he has control over you and twisting the knife a little bit, mostly just for kicks because he knows he can.

I'd bet my bottom dollar these friends were not nasty behind your back, simply him trying to get you away from them so you were isolated and only had him to turn to.

Do not be sucked in, tell them "please do not mention his name to me I have moved on and so should he"

Do not be tempted to meet him to "talk" if you are tempted just remember what he put you through; abandoned you when you needed support and your ds spent a Xmas away from you because he wasn't there to help you.

I believe the saying "don't ever move back only look forwards" think about it and take care of yourself and ds.

I agree with asking people not even to mention his name. Please don't even think about meeting up with him. He sounds dreadful and absolutely to be avoided at all costs.

You didn't break his heart, he doesn't have one to break. Claiming you did is simply to put you in the wrong. The implication is that you treated him baldy.

Or badly