Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

[brusslesprout]

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

I feel you're missing the points of what I've said, geckos. Perhaps I wrote unclearly; I didn't think so. I feel you & Bonsoir have chosen to argue against a few words taken out of context from my post at 12:55. In effect, you're both saying the same as me but with great determination to make it looks as if you disagree.

I have better things to do with my Sunday afternoon.

Feminism has screwed the economy???!!! We differ on that, for sure!

Why gecko? Should both not live together if they are ambitious and want a good job or should women waste their education and stay home cleaning. Why bother educate girls at all if they shouldnt go on to aim high.

I agree entirely that a person without a salary needs to secure their finances, if that is what you are arguing, GarlicReturns. But that point seems so bleedingly obvious to me that I barely pay it any consideration.

Even when you have a salary, your finances need a lot of work to ensure capital accumulation and future cash flow.

Garlic he ought to automatically realise she needs an income of her own.....or from him.

He does, and I get one from him.

I'm surprised that you would think this though. Not only do I not earn my own money, but i actually rely on dh to give me a fair whack-surely that is a double problem from your viewpoint? I would be royally screwed should be break up.

I think all partnerships/marriages make compromises thiugh about what is best for them and what works for them. When I didn't work I paid for food, clothes, day to day for the DC etc and kept a note and receipts and my DH gave me a cheque at the end of the month. We never qyibbled or questioned because we have a similar outlook over expenses. DH paid and continues to pay all bills - everything. When I went back to work he started to give me a monthly supermarket allowance and I started to pay for clothes for me and the DC, my petrol and gradually took on things like instrumental lessons, phone contracts, dentist bills, etc. We have never had a joint account.

I work locally, DH commutes (30/40 mins each way). DH is out of the house for 12-14 hours; I am out for about 9-10. I do more domestic stuff because I don't work as hard at paid work but that means combined I work about an 11-12 hour day.

I was at home until dd was 5, part-time until she was 7. Then we had au-pairs for 4/5 years and that worked for us. When dd was about 12 the au-pairs stopped because both DC decided they were too big. That year dd got home at 4.15 and her bro was usually home by 5ish. I made a point of leaving work by about 5.15 that year. Now I'm usually home at 6.30. DS has left home, DD is busy with after school clubs until 6.30ish three times a week. If I didn't work I think I would be lonely.

It works for us and has worked well and I feel we have combined obligations together and also I think we have also maximised our family assets optimally. Some of it was luck, some of it was planning. We were very lucky to have bright, relatively easy and well balanced DC. Had that not been the case life would have been diffrent.

For the poster who said upthread that she suffered abuse due to working parents I am deeply sorry that happened and I hope you are in a better place now.

But, just one final thing: what really irks me is when full time mothers/wives tell me how stressed they are because of getting things ready for christmas or holidays. That's where I feel an urge to say, "why are you behind, why can't you get yourself organised, if I can get the xmas cards written and sent by early decembern why the flip can't you?

I don't think families would be better off with a single earner based economy. I think they'd be better off with each parent having an independent income but I'm not sure it would be better for that income to always come from paid employment or for paid employment to mean long hours in jobs far from home, for anyone.

The current system of household entitlement and individual taxation is very oppressive to women.

No women (or men) 'shouldn't' do anything. They should feel empowered to do what they want to do.

saying that my education is 'wasted' because I have decided to raise my children and do part-time work around that is ludicrous!

Of course feminism has not been good for the economy, whatever Tory spin doctor decided that 'equality for the sexes' should equate to 'people should be equal in the working world but lets make the home-based jobs worthless and pointless' certainly knew what they were doing!

2 high wage earners per family means that most of the country can get one decent job per family, means that the cost of living is astronomically out of touch with what most people actually earn and means that buying a house is practically impossible for many!

Why? Because the jobs in the home are worthless of course, the only way we can get self-worth is to do what men have been doing for centuries. That is some weird sense of feminism there!

garlic I am not arguing with you any more than anyone else, I have no idea what post you are talking about I am simply sharing a different view point with many different people (not just you) you can turn it into a personal thing but its certainly not something I have created.

Pleased to hear you have fair agreement, Bowlers. I'm not about to criticise you for not investing any of your money, but I know it would be wiser :)

Near I haven't agreed with much on this thread but I agree with your last paragraph. The role of the SAHP should be to organise everything efficiently in their home life.

"Why? Because the jobs in the home are worthless of course, the only way we can get self-worth is to do what men have been doing for centuries. That is some weird sense of feminism there!"

Absolutely.

As if the only way women can get a voice in this world is by devoting their energies to the paid workforce. BS.

And the system of exploiting low paid, usually young women, to outsource childcare to is not great for women either. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable using an au pair so I could return to work.

I would feel more comfortable employing an au pair who was in the country to learn the language (with proper lessons) and who was treated as a member of the family than many other sorts of domestic employee.

Yes, but I don't agree with low pay (or no pay) and this is realistically why people use au pairs.

Garlic I do have quite a bit in investments, personally. We have a fair amount of money which is why it isn't financially necessary for me to work.

If we were discussing whether it was financially viable or not for women to stay at home with school age children, I could understand some of the arguments here.

But posters are saying women should go back to work regardless of their financial situation and purely for their own 'worth', and the fact that they are living their life on their husbands shirt tails.

That's the bit I'm not getting. Why should someone be belittling the choices some women are making?

Garlic. I'm not about to criticise you for not investing any of your time, but I know it would be wiser :)

We have no investments, mostly because we have fuck all money :D But any investments we do have will be equal.

"But posters are saying women should go back to work regardless of their financial situation and purely for their own 'worth', and the fact that they are living their life on their husbands shirt tails."

I agree, this is the point I disagree with (very strongly). You can have a voice in your family and the world that is much stronger because you don't devote all your energies to paid work. Consumer power is no the same as a voice.

It only matters to me inasmuch as it means we have sufficient money to get by comfortably. Apart from that, no. And I want him to have a job that he enjoys (he does) and that gives him flexibility and a reasonable amount of free time (it does) - these are more important than a socking great salary to us.

thumbwitch that was a big part of it for me. When we met DH was doing casual labour and though he had a great work ethic, he wasn't doing something that really pushed him and that he enjoyed, he would come home from work unfulfilled and deflated. Since we have decided that he should seek a career rather than just 'work' he has started training up in the most fantastic job and it really pushes him, he is excited and energetic about his job (despite it boring the crap out of me) and that makes him a better husband, father and friend.

He is an intelligent guy and needed to be doing something that supported us and pushed him.

Puddles are you KM...??

Actually this is tricky because I love my husband rich or poor and we were nearer poor when we met. However my husband packed in a good job 6 months ago to go self employed and we are back to nearer poor. It causes a massive strain on your relationship and makes you unhappy. It should not .. but reality .. it does.. now I am trying to go self employed myself and feel worried all the time. There is just some resentment there now but I don't want to feel it, I block it out and try to feel good again .. but it keeps coming back..

Holly is he resentful/worried about you going freelance?

He tells me not to worry about anything and hes not sure it is a good time for me to start up too, although he is supportive . He just keeps saying give me time.. and some days I do .. and others I feel myself getting resentful which is not good.

DH and I met as students, at the time I would have said money didn't matter but I'm now glad I'm married to someone who earns a good wage. Children bring a lot more financial commitments than when you are students and being comfortable because we both have good jobs is very nice.

But TBH I think it's more about having a similar approach to life. We both earn about the same but I earn more which is very useful when telling older relatives to piss off when they suggest I should be at home with the kids. We both work part time which enables us to share the childcare, for me it was far more important to have children with a man who wanted to be engaged in his children's upbringing than one who could financially provide. My father was a very active father and the idea of a moneybox who was never around was not attractive to me. Because we both work and are at similar stages of our careers we do spend a lot of time talking to each other about work issues and that is very useful for both of us. And because we share the childcare we both that a day at home with a grumpy preschooler is much worse than the most demanding day in a professional job.