Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

[brusslesprout]

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

I get all my jobs that need doing by about 10. Then I see friends for coffee or lunch and shopping. I go my gym/spa a couple of times a week, horseride and help out at the sewing club at the junior school in the next village. I also day trade but have usually brought and sold my shares by 9 a.m. I watch the news and stuff I have sky plussed. Then I have a busy few hours from about 3.30 onwards with cooking dinner, DC's clubs, all the usual stuff. I have a a Waitrose or Sainsburys delivery each week as hate supermarket shopping.

Much loggle - I went back to work :).

The thing is I could have done that creamy but I hate the gym and spending unearned money on lunches and coffees used to really bug me. My little problem I know. Buut what will you do when your DC are older and you aren't at those clubs?

Hmmmm, what do I do all day? Well, the easy answer is whatever I want, I guess! Like Rudy, I do all the DIY, cleaning and gardening myself. I could have a cleaner and gardener but that strikes me as a bit toooo lazy. This is a coming up to 4000 sq ft house, so not teeny tiny. And the dogs get a hike every morning.

I run and work out most days, although I would do that regardless of whether I was at home or not. I volunteer at the local soup kitchen twice a week. I live in the States and the PTA's have individual committees for each thing and I chair 2 of those, as well as help on 2 others. I go to the Moma, Met, Guggenheim etc when something new comes in. And yes, sometimes I shop, meet my friends for lunch and get bored and waste time in front of MN. Just like working parents.

The youngest kids don't leave until 905 and the older kids start getting home by 215 and then the taxi driving/feeding and watering part of the day starts. The kids have 12 weeks off in the summer and, yes, I could work and send them to camp but that would be between $10 and $30 K each year because I have 4 kids.

I would never describe being at home as a job, because it's not. Agree with the lifestyle title. That sounds much fancier!!

No my other half earnings do not effect our relationship. He has earned more and he has earned less.
So ling as we can pay rent and buy food everything else can go to hell.

Actually, for the Hell of it, I've just been trying to work out how much it would cost me to work full time.

Dog walker: $20 min a day x 235 days =$4,700
Cleaner once a week: Let's give her 4 hours once a week at $20 an hour. I think she'd be more than that, but for the sake of argument, $80 a week x 52 = $4,160
Summer camp: The one closest to me is $800 a week. DS1 is too old, so that's $800 pw for 3 kids for 8 weeks =$19,200. And that's still, minus our holiday, 2 weeks too short. It also doesn't include the other holidays during the year and the random days off. Martin Luther King Day for example.
After school care: God knows! How much do p/t nannies/ childminders that can drive the kids to everything, feed them, etc etc cost?! Let's for estimate sake (and again, this is sounding way too cheap), say $10 per younger 3 children. So that's $30 a day for 190 days = $5,700

So, before I've even walked out the door, I've spent $33,750, and that doesn't include the cost of actually getting to work. Jeeze! DH doesn't know how lucky he is! How the bloody hell do you all afford it?!!

Ah, Zee, most of us don't have dog walkers, or cleaners, or spend £400 a week on Summer camps. :)

Still, that is why some people choose to work pt or flexible time, or stay home while the children are little.

Am I the only working full time, walking dogs (more than once a day, ahem) and keeping a house clean?

No it does not matter what my dh earns because we are a family and have a family income. It would matter what our family income is of course we have to live within our means. Finance is the parents responsibility a joint responsibility it does not fall on one head alone. Of course I am talking about my family and understand others sp and so on have sole responsibility.

I thought I'd written "keeping a horse clean" then Rudy.

I think that sunshines post at 18:48 should be the final word on this (if only I didn't still want to know what all of these StayAtHomeMoms do all day with their school-aged children in full time education).

Rudy, I'm just luck enough to be given a choice

Absolutely. Same here.

Loggie, nope, me too. I dream of a cleaner (and chef). The dogs I can cope with (but I'd outsource the rabbits too).

"What do they do all day". In the early-ish school years, the kids are still sick all.the.time and half-term/end-of-term break looms every 6 weeks. It can undermine the case for going back to work.

One of the factors I considered way back when I was dating dh was whether he'd be a good 'homemaker' as I knew I wanted to be career orientated and I think it's difficult if both people in the relationship want to be high flying and have anything approaching a family life. So the fact that he wanted to be a teacher appealed to me (we were both students at the time).

As it happened life didn't turn out like that, high flying careers were in short supply when we graduated and it turned out that dh hated teaching/schools. Best laid plans and all that :)

This thread has very much focused on the financial aspects of working, not surprising given the title, but I didn't make the choice to work just to make money, but to contribute to society/change the world. My parents were very supportive to me and my siblings growing up and we were hugely privileged, but it was always made very clear to us that we should not take that for granted and that we should give back /make a mark of our own.

My father was very successful and also worked for some very very rich people, including many with 'trust fund' offspring. He was very concerned that it was a set up which was quite harmful. Being given a lot of money isn't always a good thing.

Crowler what do you do when the kids aren't ill (presumably they're at school more than they're not - ours certainly were)? But I get your point about the school holidays coming 'round!

When the DC were small and I was a SAHM I had 5 hours of cleaning/ironing and a window cleaner. First I went back to work part-time - half time, term time only. That wwas the hardest and most exhausting period of my life. Doing all things for all people and because it was paet-time, feeling unable to justify sub-contracting any more.

Then I went full-time so I could do my prof quals and we got an au-pair - perfect if your DC are a bit oplder and you live in London. Because I work in education I get good holidays too; not quite teachers' hols but still good. When they were still 7/11 we did some summer camps, some paid au-pairing (extra) and my mum would take them for the odd week so it was just about manageable.

Full-time more got sub-contacted - oven, christmas trees , annual spring clean, etc, plus the cleaning and ironing but I think I am inclined to get a lot done. I am on the PCC, help at a homeless shelter, manage a home in France and have renovated another property in the last twelve months (with a full time job) although that made me weep!

The DC are almost grown up - one on a gap diversion abroad; one nearly 16 and it gets easier. I am a better mother of grown ones but I am feeling older and am glad the hardest yards are over. But I'm still glad I went back to work and I think it's helped keep me younger and more in touch!

Logg1e I'm not a SAHM, but I may look like one. I have an unrealistically easy work-from-home job in IT. I inhabit a SAHM world more than working one if that makes sense.

I understand the "what the hell do you do" but just like anything, the abnormal becomes normalized. In my case, I have family obligations because my in-laws are non-doms and I help them manage their flat. I spend time with relatives when they come to town. I do a bit of charity stuff. And so on.

My family is incredibly conservative and family-oriented and the idea of women being turned out to pasture as they become older is not one that I can relate to.

What do you mean by women being turned out to pasture - I don't understand that.

I think that the primary school years are the most complicated really. When they are small there are a fair few options for care, we were lucky enough to be able to afford a nanny (live out) which was a huge luxury all round (even for the children, as she was very lovely and really enjoyed babies/toddlers - dh and I not so much).

Once school starts so much flexibility is removed, the hours are awkward and all those short notice requests to be there are really quite tricky to manage. Plus supporting children with managing friendships etc. dh was a SAHD for a number of those years and that worked well for us, although financially it was a stretch.

Now our children are both at high school they don't need childcare and are pretty independent at getting themselves to activities etc if we organise them carefully. Plus instead of creating most of the chaos they contribute to clearing it up so there is a lot more time to go around. dh would have liked not to go back to work really, but it wasn't justifiable for us, I felt that he would have stepped over the cocklodger line, plus the longer you are out the harder it is to step back into work at a reasonable level (easier for men ironically).

I can't believe you don't feel responsible as an individual to pay your way regardless of what your partner earns.

I can't believe you don't see feeding the children, keeping house and organising everything as 'paying your way'

I work part time and I probably will only work part time for the foreseeable future. That is mostly because we have to, our children are very young.

But did I feel like I was any more dependant on him than he was on me? Absolutely not! He had far more to lose in the relationship than me, if I left him I took our house, our kids and for the very early years the way of feeding the kids.

All he took was money. Obviously important but it is not the most important thing, nor is it the only important thing.

I can't believe you are so opinionated to try and make posters feel bad about their decision, Noddy. So much for choice and giving everyone the power of decision making.