Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

[brusslesprout]

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

Not salary, AA - doctors in France are self-employed. That is income, before costs.

And older doctors are free to set their charges in a way that younger doctors are not, and will never be. Look at what the younger (under 40) generation of doctors make versus what the older generation. " C'est une profession en voie de paupérisation" was what people were saying 15 years ago. It has now happened.

We've been- and are still going through- those university/career chats with our kids and with all of them, earning power and doing something they'll enjoy have been/are fairly equal considerations. They all assume they'll work throughout their lives and that if a break or downshift is required or chosen, they must make provision for it if life circumstances change.

It's been helpful to sit around the kitchen table over dinner talking about some of the women especially we all know who are up the creek without a paddle because of relationship breakdowns, men's job losses or bereavement. Not in a gossipy way, but with a sympathetic tone about the crock of shite those women were sold when young that life won't include curve-balls when you're least expecting them.

My aunt and my friend both said to their sons who thought they may want to be teachers to choose another higher paid career instead. I thought that was sad.

It's terribly sad if the assumption behind that was that they'd have to be the sole breadwinners throughout their lives and/or if they'd have given different advice to their daughters.

Why is sad? Why all this sentimentality about career choices?

No sad because I think my cousin would have made a great teacher, his sister is a solicitor so I don't think it was because of the breadwinner thing.

I think it's rather sad if you want to do one job and you're told by your parents that you can't because it isn't paid enough. Work and careers take up lots of our lives. It's a pity not to do something that really grabs you.

My Dad wanted me to be a hairdresser and he's been bald since he was 27!

Mind you any right-thinking young person just goes off and does it anyway...maybe not straight away, but most of us don't stick in the grooves dictated to us by our parents. Not if they've brought us up properly to be independent thinkers.

bonsoir "when they have been well cared for, they know what a well-run household and well-cared for family look like and are able to maintain those standards themselves."

Do you not think that families where one parent/both parents work can't have well run houses and well cared for families?

WipsGlitter - I think it's much, much harder. Not that having a SAHP is a guarantee that they work hard at it, mind you!

Work hard at what? Parenting?

Managing their household, their families, bringing up their DC.

I want my children to do jobs that make them happy. Be those jobs journalism, teaching, law, accountancy, medicine, nursing, occupational therapy, banking, advertising, architecture, etc..

I find it very sad that in the UK the trades: plumbing, electricians, builders, hairdressing, floristry, policemen, etc are so undervalued and that by undervaluing the jobs there is a vicarious under valuing of the people doing them.

I've no idea what my DC will do apart from the fact that one is right brain wired and one left so they will probably chose different paths. Ultimately I think they will be good people if they never undervalue anyone else's chosen or imposed path. I hope also that they will work hard and be responsible - we can influence that but we can't ensure it.

Ah so you mean that teaching was regarded by those women as low-status and low-earning? How awful...

We've honestly tried to strike a balance between the 'all you need is love (of job/partner/kids)' philosophy and being pragmatic and realistic about how difficult life is without enough money to support yourself. We've also encouraged them to do their own research and talk to people in various careers. There are so many myths and outdated views about how much a job really earns, or how appealing and interesting it is in actuality.

We've also stressed that what they choose now doesn't have to set in stone and that the career you choose in your twenties isn't necessarily what you'll be doing at 40 or 50 or...70 if the government has anything to do with it

Really? I work but manage a household well, clean, tidy, home cooked food. Look after my children, engage them in a range of activities, bring them up to have manners etc. And have my own life as well.

Conversely, I see some of the SAHMs running to school late, houses total chaos, etc. Not all of them obviously.

I think when you have the discipline of work it means that you have to be disciplined and organised in all the areas of your life; I need to be at work at the agreed time so I have to make sure my children are at school at the right time. So we're organised and are never late.

As with all of these arguments it's impossible to have black and white - some SAHPs are well organised, focused and committed, some are a shambles. Same goes for parents who work outside the home.

Do you think that parents who stay at home may over invest in their children and families though?

Bonsoir Do full time working parents not work even harder to do all those things and hold down a full time profession?

Yes I believe these women undervalued teaching.

I have no idea what a 'well-run household' means, in all honesty, but my children are fed reasonable food (by both parents), the repairs (eventually) get done, the washing gets done (by their father), and we've all survived...

What exactly does managing a household and a fanily involve on a practical level bonsoir, especially once children are of school age.? What 'managing' is there to do once you've wanged some somestos down the loo, paid a gasbill and run the hoover around y'kno the stuff you fit around the rest of your life?

I feel Mr Hat and I share domestic values

Well I agree with you that's sad then. Mind you, the teachers I know feel massively undervalued by the current government and so theirs is not a happy lot. But thank Christ for them. An inspirational teacher who loves what he/she does is worth their weight in gold and it's astonishing (to me) that some people don't value it as a profession. Or that some people don't value trades.

Ah yes mother. Everything that needs to get done gets done. No one has starved, the utilities haven't been cut off and no one has caught an e.coli bug.

I am genuinely bemused how you can spin housework into an all day everyday activity.

NearTheWindmill Never undervalue someone's chosen path... I like that advice.

I worked in a supermarket before I got my professional job and it was a damn lot harder than working in an office, I always think that these kind of jobs are underpaid and find it very unjust. Brains before Brawn and all that.

I think there's a massive difference between jobs that are chosen as a result of true free will and those that are dictated by circumstances. My belief is that few choices are made in a vacuum and are the product of decisions enforced on us by things like gender/financial circumstances/educational opportunities...amongst others.

So it was interesting to see the list of trades mentioned and how many of the high-earning ones are over-represented by men doing them.