I cant count how many relationship threads ive been on where still "staying together for the children" is cited as justification for excusing the inexcusable. It doesnt matter how may of us who have been there as the child say its unfair, year in year out its still trotted out
The guilt it puts on a childs shoulders cannot be understated "they dont like each other but are only together for me, therefore its my fault they are unhappy" and the long term damage it does in forming own relationships as "a normal relationship should have drama" or "its normal for the person im with to not trust me/be trustworthy"
I can understand "I dont feel I can live without him" "I feel we can get over it" "How will I manage financially" ultimately thats the perogative of person going thought it
I dont expect anyone to act on what I say but I hope maybe I can give them food for thought and help them make the right decision for them. But I wish just once I would see - "im not sure that staying together in these circumstances is right for our child" or "will my child think its OK for for him/her to be treated like this/behave like this If I accept it?"
No one can help having been put in this situation, it is the unfaithful/abusive partners fault but control can be taken in the ^decision about what to do about it and how that decision will affect your child's long term perception of what is acceptable in a relationship
There is no stigma to being divorced anymore, some children actually have a better relationship with a separated parent as dad cant leave it all to mum. I appreciate "finance" is still a motivating factor, I can understand that - I also understand its hard to give up when you love someone as your heart takes a while to catch up with what your head tells you.
It would be interesting to hear what other adults who have grown up as the child in this environment feel about it.