Why does my family buy my children sort of dangerous presents?

[Rooners]

I'm not complaining as such. I love my family, and they are brilliant and very kind.

I just don't quite understand it and am wondering if it's an effort to give them something they feel I don't provide iyswim.

But I do feel a bit odd about it.

It started when ds1 was about 2 and my sister bought him a very fragile, thin glass lightbulb thing that you plug into the mains and touch it and it shoots little lightning sparks towards your fingers on the bulb.

Lovely - but lethal for a 2yo. I did let him use it very carefully with supervision, and then put it safely in a cupboard till it got smashed into tiny bits one day (not safety glass)

I mean it was beautiful but.

Then there was a proper penknife last year (he was 9) which was Ok and lovely but he is quite reckless and needed to be supervised with it, which I don't have a lot of time for.

Now my parents have given him a survival tool, sort of a Ray Mears type thing I guess - they did ring me from the shop to ask if it was Ok, but said it is a survival tool with a firestarting device, like a spark maker thing.

I hummed and harred and said Ok. They had kind of underdescribed it though - the firestarter is a mASSIVE spark, really unsafe in the house, and it also has on the other edge (credit card type size thing) a knife edge which is described as 'razor sharp'.

I keep thinking about it going

I mean they adore ds. It's just - I have to keep it, because he cannot be trusted with something like that. He is a little boy. It says on it 'not a toy, very dangerous' etc etc.

Maybe they think I need to spend more time with him? Probably I do - but there are other ways of enabling this surely.

He does love it but hmm..and then there were the super strength magnets that have a massive warning on about not letting them near your electronic equipment.

He has never had those in his possession because it would be costly to replace the computer, TV and DVD player I think. He was about 4 when he was given those.

There have been other things as well but I can't remember them all.

What are they trying to do here?

I actually have one of those sparking glass globe things too - it belongs to me though and is wheeled out for oohs and aahs once in a while.

I think buying for your own child is slightly different as you know what they can handle, you can prepare the ground and make it clear if it's for supervised use only. A relative gives something to the child, bypassing you, and then you're the meanie if you have to step in.

Maybe you ought to write a birthday/christmas/gift wish list. Allocate the "dangerous" relatives some of the 'cooler' gifts. It might mean you have to get the duller ones but ds will be happy because he's got cool stuff, relatives will be happy because he 'liked theirs best' and you'll be happy because all of your children have all of their digits...

My mum is similar in the sense that she buys cheap toys from disreputable sources that break into hand-severing shards. She does it because the toys look "cool" and she doesn't really play with ds so she doesn't know what he's into/capable of. I just throw them in the bin.

It sounds like your barmpot dad is reliving his childhood which is sweet in a way. My dh is the same, he bought ds a ridiculous amount of toys for ds for birthday/christmas and already talks daily about the things he's going to buy for himself ds when he's older.

I don't think 9/10 is that young for either a pen knife or a survival tool tbh and I started teaching my kids to make and light fires from age 7. They both have penknives (aged 8 and 5 respectively) which are kept by me but can be used under supervision. They are in Cubs and Beavers and we camp a lot.

I work as a woodland manager and we do forest school activities including campfire cooking with children aged 3 upwards. They love it and can be an awful lot more capable and sensible (with instruction and supervision ob) than you would think.

Using flammable chemicals (other than firelighter) is bloody dangerous though . Maybe your dad needs to join Scouts.

Are yours the only GCs so they are buying everything they wanted for themselves as children?

Are you a bit of a wimp and they think he needs toughened up?

The following might be useful for future bonfires - my DS and I couldn't get the bonfire to light and used petrol from a can (used for the mower), gaily sprinkled it and lit a match, there was an almighty Wooosh, and we were lucky to be left with eyebrows, petrol vapourises and the vapour explodes!!!!
Anyway it was a useful learning curve, we haven't used petrol again

I'm with barbarian. My kids are also pretty good at fires/knife type tbings

i think the difference are though, they are my kids

if you are not into that kind of thing, its a bit odder for your parents to buy that sort of stuff. Unless they are going to come and teach/supervise him...

If it makes you feel any better my DP brought my 20 month old a remote control helicopter... 14+ it say's on the box. Couldn't help but laugh

You have my sympathies OP. I'm currently 33/40 so have all of this to come.
My mum is the worst present buyer ever. This year I vowed to manage her better and when she rang to ask what I wanted, I gave her the option of some bump and me bubble bath or amazon vouchers. Not exactly tricky you would think.
What turned up was a bogey man egg separator (and I mean this thing is disgusting), a book of origami, and some hideous gin and tonic bubble bath.
She has form for this. The thing that really bugs me is that she has spent £40 on this tat. I would rather get a nice card saying that she had donated £40 to charity. My DP got a set of Haiku poetry dice. If you knew my DP you would realise how far off the mark this is!
So I am giving most of it to friends children.
How can I better manage this in the future? I don't want to offend but equally don't want her wasting money on tat either. I'm hoping I have a boy as you can't really go wrong with buying Lego can you????

"BETTER DROWNED THAN DUFFERS IF NOT DUFFERS WONT DROWN".

My parents do this too. Dd once impaled her foot on a smashed wooden Pinocchio bought from some dodgy foreign market. We had to pull the nail out of her bone (bad DIY medical care I know)...

I'm hoping I have a boy as you can't really go wrong with buying Lego can you????

Um... did you read the OP...? :o

TBH, I think the pen knife was fine. I find it a little sad that you don't have time to supervise him with it but that's life I guess.

Firestarter with razor sharp cutting edge? No bloody way! But, you did agree to it... :o

No the truth is I don't have much time Soupy. I am a single parent and I have a baby who is just 1 this morning...and there's ds1 who is 10 and ds2 who is 6 and HE.

I really, really don't have much time! not that I wouldn't want to spend time with each of them doing that sort of thing.

I think aaaaa has nailed it, and tbh it's something I tried to bring up with them before - it isn't the equipment I have trouble with, it's the time required ro supervise.

Some of these things really need supervising, it says so on the labels and if they can't provide the supervision then they may as well be buying him a puppy he can't take care of. Except that the puppy would suffer then, and nothing really goes terribly wrong when you have to confiscate an item I suppose. Just a bit of a shame for ds.

And it makes me feel massively guilty already for not having the time - which you didn't know, Soupy, so you're forgiven!

And a mere girl would never be interested in lego, right?

and I thought that being given moon dough was a bad choice. No wonder they didn't want it opened at their house.

When my son was small, he didn't get given any dangerous presents ... however, he managed without them quite well! We thought we had a mini-arsonist on our hands, since he started a bonfire in the middle of his bedroom floor (aged about six). We couldn't understand it, since matches, stove lighters etc. kept well out of his way. But he'd found a magnifying glass .

Year or so later, he was happily making a bonfire in a quiet part of a local park ... and was quite shocked when he got a tap on the shoulder and a Police officer raising his eyebrows! In this case, he'd got hold of matches.

He also made booby traps on our garden gate with those little cap things that bang when you pull a string - the dustmen weren't impressed with the mini explosions when they opened the gate and refused to visit any more until he stopped.

He's now a middle-aged lawyer!

Disgrace
"BETTER DROWNED THAN DUFFERS IF NOT DUFFERS WONT DROWN".
I remember reading S&A when I was 9 and thinking 'really!? Do parents really think that! '
I'd happily have my DCs duffers and dependent and living at home for ever!

When my brother was 3 a relative gave him a toolkit exactly like this. Yes, including a claw hammer.

Well, if you survived your family, you'll survive zombies; so there are plus points.

And as my youngest is now nearly into double figures, I think all the presents sound great (except the fire starter). Yes, selective amnesia must kick in earlier than I had realised.

HyvaPaiva, I LOVE that tool kit - I want one! Live on my own and often have to do household repairs. I even own a Black & Decker drill.

My parents bought me one of these a few years ago...which is a bit ironic as I have already got more proper tools than can fit in two massive toolboxes downstairs, and a couple of proper drills and a jigsaw and various other terrifying equipment.

I am never sure what they mean by these gifts!

and I'd already said no to the laser pointer for my 6yo
Love the way that's dropped casually into the conversation!
Another one who thinks it's hilarious - sorry!