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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Made the wrong decision

47 replies

str8tothepoint · 31/12/2013 13:05

As most have read I had an affair with a guy who had a gf for the past 16 months. I found out Boxing Day night just after nosing on a gay site to see him on there with 2 guys comments in last 2 months saying how good he is with a blowjob action next to them. He's only been registered on there since October but fuck I believed everything he told me. When I found out I rung the house told him he's got a lot to explain. Then next morning he messaged denying he'd been on there for a long time even though he'd signed on earlier in the week. Came back with he was having a breakdown nearly topped himself blah blah blah, so said you tell her everything or I will you have until Sunday. He begged me not to but told him at the start I find out he's lying or using me not only will I tell her everything but will never speak to you again. I sent her everything but did not get in sexual bitch fighting just what she deserved to know. She txt me following morning thanking me for the proof and that you know how much pain you caused me with me and him. I apologised for saying things to her and that I lied about everything because of him to protect him. She knew about it and was not shocked just cannot figure out why she carried on emailing me telling me to leave her family alone if she knew about the other guys plus still staying with him.Then his sister calls me then texts me to have a chat plus the gf wants all the proof I have to send it so that she can catch him out. I should not have done it the guilt of taking that away from him to do it at his time. She still emails and leaves voicemails to meet up but there's nothing left to say only the dirty ins and outs of what when and where?? He'll never speak to me again and I'm not here for any sympathy just needed to offload. He played me and everything he said has been a lie but he seriously really got into my soul which will take a long time if ever to move on. I emailed him last night apologising and hope one day we can clear the air but know that will never happen. Only last week I told him that he burned me only for him to say he gave up his chance of happiness with me for his daughter which now seems bullshit from the start. He loves cock and even when he told me how in love with me he is was lies. Just don't understand why someone would talk to you all day everyday for that amount of time then turn out to be a sex predator and not the person he made out to be. Never seeing him again hurts now but know he doesn't care about me so couldn't give a shit I was a toy even though he told me its far from the truth and allowed me and her to bicker for months which now appears to have been the distraction he wanted to go get cock

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 31/12/2013 13:09

Yes.

No.

Whatever.

You don't listen to one word anyone says to you on MN.

So. Rhubarb, rhubarb and a Happy New Year. For God's sake put this behind you in 2014 and give us all a break.

FluffyJumper · 31/12/2013 13:10

Well at least now you know and can leave this sorry mess behind you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/12/2013 13:12

That doesn't seem straight to the point in all honesty.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 31/12/2013 13:14

Do you really not envisage anything better in your life than this sorry disaster? Get some self respect and walk away.

Lweji · 31/12/2013 13:24

We told you so comes to mind.

You still won't let it rest, will you?

You will still be in contact with him, now apologising and whatever.

He's poison. Stop ALL contact. Let it be. Move on.

Or write a book about it.

SunshineOnACrappyDay · 31/12/2013 13:33

OP, this has been going on for ages and you do not listen the advice given on here.

Here's my advice:

Walk away from this man and his wife and don't look back

Get some counselling

SandyDilbert · 31/12/2013 13:37

seriously you need to forget and move on

I don't know why you keep posting this sorry saga over and over and over again - is that part of the fun? What do you expect folk to say to you about this? He has clearly lied to you and used you and yet you still keep going on and on about it. He's not that into you is he?

His poor wife and children - I hope she finds some self respect and gets rid.

zippey · 31/12/2013 13:37

I remember saying to you that you sounded like a drama queen, to leave this man and his partner alone and to stop being such a bunny boiler.

You seem to be enjoying all this drama you are causing. There's only one victim here, and it's not you.

lunar1 · 31/12/2013 13:46

So cheating is ok as long as it's with you? Sounds like you got what you deserve.

handfulofcottonbuds · 31/12/2013 13:47

How many times is it that you will not hear from him now / that is it / finally you are not going to contact him anymore / etc etc

What this man does is none of your business, you are not the 'gay site police' so I have no idea why you felt the need to contact him again.

Leave it be, get some dignity and move on.

For crying out loud, some people have real problems that they haven't brought on themselves.

He's nothing to do with you.

Original poster

str8tothepoint · 31/12/2013 15:06

Here was no drama, there was no confrontation, like I said she thanked me for sending her the proof as mentioned she had known partly of these other men. I will not contact him again as he will not contact me again. Yes I admit I have now fucked up their lives and not looking to get sympathy I know I've done wrong. I foolishly stupidly believed the words he said and wish I could take it back. When your so far involved in something it's very hard to see any different so am sorry for not listening to a lot of you.. I would just like to apologise to everyone on here if I have come across as a drama queen my life is far from getting a kick out of drama. So I am very truly sorry for being harsh or horrible, but thank you for all the people who helped. Hope you all a great 2014 x

OP posts:

mammadiggingdeep · 31/12/2013 15:14

Did you go the gay sure to stalk him?

Why, why, why did you open the can of worms again?

Have lost count if the number if times you've been advised to leave it.

His poor wife. :( she must feel as if she's caught up in a nightmare.

mammadiggingdeep · 31/12/2013 15:14

gay site...

Lweji · 31/12/2013 15:31

It's not even so much about fucking up their lives.
In relation to his family he's the one who fucked up.

You are fucking up yours by staying within the drama. It may not give you pleasure, but you are getting something from it.

I do hope you can move on now.
and yet...

SunshineOnACrappyDay · 31/12/2013 15:49

Take care OP. I hope 2014 is a much better (and less dramatic) year for you. x

Original poster

str8tothepoint · 31/12/2013 16:04

Apologies Lweji I appreciate your support previously and now, hope you have a good 2014 x

OP posts:

Original poster

str8tothepoint · 31/12/2013 16:10

No mamma I totally trusted him I was talking to a friend and he mentioned it so nosed around and then found his profile on there. And not sure if I opened a can of worms again if she said about 2 others don't know how much I believe it as from time he's up to bed he talks to me only since late October it's been on this site. But I told him if he was playing me or lying I'd tell her, he played the DC card to cover his love of cock sucking I always thought his teeth got in the way too much put me off

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/12/2013 18:11

'I totally trusted him'

There's the lesson. If ever you find yourself cast in the 'OW' role again know this.... the man you're with is an accomplished liar and can't be trusted. Whatever he says to you about 'love' or 'saving his life' is just another version of the classic 'my wife doesn't understand me' and is simply a means to an end. Stay away from married men...

Hope 2014 is the year you finally walk away from this, get some help with your many personal problems and above all rediscover your self-respect

oldgrandmama · 31/12/2013 18:12

Wish you'd get a grip on paragraphs ... I'll try and read through it again.

paxtecum · 31/12/2013 18:28

Some men are just obsessed with sex in all its varieties and can't ever get enough.

Love, there must be loads of good men in the world who are more than happy to have the love of one woman.
I hope that in 2014 you find a kind, loving, decent man.

Best wishes to you.

SunshineOnACrappyDay · 31/12/2013 18:46

str8 you just made me laugh with your teeth comment.

Take care of yourself and give this idiot a massive swerve. xxx

Original poster

str8tothepoint · 31/12/2013 18:53

Thank you Cogito you are a wonderful person and have provided much help and guidance x

Sorry grandmama will sort out my grammar and punctuation ;-)

And yeah teeth just wanted to shout open your mouth a bit more x

Happy 2014 to you all xx

OP posts:

handfulofcottonbuds · 31/12/2013 19:19

I was harsh in my post and I apologise, it's not usually in my nature.

Please, for the sake of your sanity, try and move forward. You are hurt and angry only you can stop that and you will feel better to have a healthy mind that cares about you.

I wish you well OP.

lizzywig · 31/12/2013 19:38

I'm not familiar with the history here. However, I wanted to say that 6 years ago i was you, although was not OW. I spoke to friends and posted on many forums. I listened to no one. It ended in disaster and i did unspeakable things in the name of revenge. I had no self respect and to this day bitterly regret the way i dealt with things. I don't understand why i invested so much into someone who was quite clearly a sex predator (also found out he was into men on the side).

I'm happily married now with a gorgeous daughter. If i had the opportunity i would tell my past self to snap out of it and not waste a moment more of my precious life on him. I was so embroiled in everything that i couldn't see a way out. I didn't want a way out,i wanted him and i wanted him to want only me. I think that if he came back to you then you would have him back. You don't want him because he will never stop screwing around!

ScooseIsLoose · 31/12/2013 19:46

here we go again! OP I hope 2014 brings you some self esteem so you can finally step away from this man and joke of a relationship. You deserve so much better and so does his dw\p. if you stays with him that's her lookout you just get on with your life. use this new year to start afresh and leave all this shit behind you. good luck!

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