Just want life to end

[divorcedtobe]

I am so heartbroken and feel so stupid for being so destroyed. Don't want to be strong for anyone just want to sleep and never wake up can't stop crying. So disappointed in him. Kids in bed with me house feels like a lie life was a lie. Feel so naive that I was with someone who could be so cruel and selfish and I'm stuck raising kids while he has his own new life can't stop crying

Mrsmciver that feeling is exactly it. Like I could burst. Bashing I'm so sorry to read about what you've gone through.
Cog I guess the reality is that you live and learn. Just feels like a knife is cutting through.

Yes there are a lot of selfish arses out there. Quite agree. The amount of threads on here about men leaving their families and their wives are left bereft. Don't understand how men can do that but then again women split up their family too. Why did they not sit down and say to their spouses there was something wrong?

Oh yes that is awfuld. Also the hot prickly feeling over your skin that comes in waves. And the shakes and the tremors. It is normal in bereavement and shock.
Now my lovely......have you made an emergency appointment with your gp? and remember you can also go to A&E. They are there to help you. Whether it is emotional or physical they still have a duty of care to you.
Your heart is in a million pieces and you will need help.

It will get better for us, that I'm sure. But it's so bloody hard atm. Especially on a day like this. I'm thinking of turning off my mobile later as I can't bear to get the "happy new year" texts when I feel so wretched and uncertain of the future. My newly exdp will be at the local drinking and drowning his sorrows. Wondering where he will tell his friends I am? Will he make an excuse and tell them Im busy, or will he say "I threw hot coffee in her face on Saturday and she's ended it"?

I really do sympathise having been there myself. Remember how the hurt was almost visceral, sitting there literally winded with the shock. Putting one foot in front of the other feels like climbing Everest and yet there they go without so much as a backward glance. It's the casual carelessness of their behaviour that is so awful.... like you simply don't matter.

Well you emphatically do matter. I matter and so do other cheated partners matter. It takes a long time to adjust and a bit of you will never be quite the same again, but you do matter.

Also, divorcedtobe, try to eat. Even if you force it, little and often. Im one of those who the weight falls off of when emotionally distressed. I can't eat, can't swallow properly. I notice if I try to eat just a little every hour or so, the tears flow less. I think low blood sugar causes it.

And I don't want to wallow really I don't but I can't stop feeling so low and I'm out now getting lunch with kids and feel so exposed it's just us now. There'll never be any trips as a four. At night I've been feeling it most because there's no one to cuddle. We did have some lovely times. I still miss him.

I put the kids in bed with me for a few months...they thought it was a treat and I needed to be close to them. Snuggle up to your lovely children.

It's ok to feel low- you will do for a while. Yet to do things that lift you, even for a short while.
X

Oh dear OP, I've been there too and wish you well.

I havent really got much extra to add but keep posting here, as there are wonderful people to help and support you. It will get you through the darkest times. I've done that, and rung the Samaritans. It all works. You will be happy again, even though it hard to imagine right now.

Don't torture yourself with all the thoughts of the future lost, like "we'll never go out the four of us". By the time never comes around you'll be over it and it won't hurt any more. Just try and focus on today and then the next day. Is there any way to get a change of scene? Like a visit for a few days some place to family or friends? xx

OP, I've been where you are ... felt the same, as in 'what's the point?'

BUT - don't give him the satisfaction, but be strong, for your kids and yourself. I know how hard it is, been there and it's awfull, but - things WILL get better. In a month or so, you'll look back and think 'I've come out of this OK'. Meanwhile, I'm rooting for you.

divorced, you may feel like you are not coping, but you are coping, albeit with tears in your eyes.

Someone said earlier about this situation soon passing and they are right. And if you need to cry and vent, do it. It's not about suppressing it and saving face.

You will get there, that's for sure.

Sending you hugs, op.

X

He sounds like a right BASTARD and frankly, you're probably much better off without him…even if it doesn't seem that way from where you're standing. It sounds like he was a misery bent on making everyone else's life miserable.

I'd not worry too much about the kids as they are pretty resilient and incredibly perceptive. It might be worth sitting them down and having a talk about how things will be different now their father has chosen to leave. Will you have to move house? Do the kids have to change schools? Will there be a drastic change in lifestyle owing to the reduced income?

Don't ever paint him as a monster and don't make him out to be a martyr either. Instead, stick to facts when addressing him and his choices. Whatever you do, please don't compensate nor try to fill the void with "stuff". This is the time to be financially smart! Let your children see you happy and living life to the fullest, it will make them happy too.

Instead of wallowing, turn your hurt into anger and let that propel you in a new direction. Financial security is the most important thing right now.

On a personal note, I'd feel extremely hard done-by too if I had children with a man who said he wanted them, did the absolute minimum for them and then walked out on us all! I would be f*cking PI$$ED off too!