Is he lying?

[LouiseC1979]

Hi, wasn't sure where to post this as I don't really want to talk to any family or friends about it, and just wanted to get it off my chest.

Basically, about 6 weeks after I had my son, my husband (of a year) went on a stag do and stayed in a hotel overnight. The next day on his phone I found details of an escort agency and saw that he tried to call the agency 3 times, but each call lasted about 3 seconds. At first he pretended it was stag do stuff, but then I realised the calls were made about 2 hours after everyone went home. He swore nothing happened, and the next day admitted he had got £150 out of our bank account to pay for it, but woke up the next day, not really remembering anything about it, why he had done it and paid the money back into the bank (he showed me the statements so he definitely had done this).

I never thought he could cheat but it has made me so untrusting and so upset at the time considering I had just had his baby! Anyway, recently he's been to the drs about some pains he's having and he's waiting on the result of a blood test. I looked on his phone history yesterday and saw that he has looked up sti's and one search was 'will symptoms of an sti appear 6 monts later.' The whole escort thing happened nearly 6 months ago. I asked him about his internet history yesterday and he still swears nothing happened and said he has been looking up all sorts of reasons for the pains(which I know he has), but the whole 6 month thing seems really weird to me. We've been together 5 years and he said that he was just seeing if it goes undetected for ages and 6 months was just a coincidence. Hmmm. I just don't know what to believe and what to think or say and just needed to write it down and get it off my chest. Do people think he's cheated? And how can I get him to admit it? It's driving me crazy.

spoken to him today and he said that he was thinking that I may have cheated as I totally went off sex when pregnant

Genius. Absolute genius.

You have got to applaud him, you really have.

And it only took him about a day to come out with that gem.

Fairenuff, they don't all break down. My ex's approach was just to constantly say "I know it looks bad, but I didn't do anything but look (later became call and set up appointment) but I never went through with it. I don't know why I looked. I didn't go through with it". That was all he'd say. It's amazing how powerful a constant denial is, even when he must be lying.

As one who has been there, I know how desperately you want incontrovertible evidence. I also know the sheer fucking relief when you realise you don't need any more evidence. On the night I chucked my lying prostitute using wanker, I went through all the deleted texts to prostitutes in front of him and when he said "I never went through with the meetings" (lie lie lie) I said "do you realise that that would still be enough? It's OVER."
Sheer fucking relief when you don't care about evidence, when you stop twisting yourself in knots trying to second guess what happened. Big fat "whatever, we're done".

And they always lie. Within a week, I'd found on his SatNav a postcode 60 miles away which I googled and matched to a massage parlour. Yeah, only ever looked.

I don't blame you for trying to make it work, trying to believe the lies. I did. But you are in for a miserable fucking time my love. Always on the look out. He'll be more careful at hiding things too. You'll feel shit. And one day, you'll think "fuck this" when you find something else, and look back and think WHY did I ever believe this shit?

I don't think anyone who hasn't been there can understand how what seems like hard evidence can be twisted. Not even by the arseholes themselves, but by us, desperately wanting not to break up our families. I even let my fucker of an ex get away with a warning letter from police about being seen in an area with an issue with curb crawlers!!!

I don't blame you for being all at sea. But one day, you'll have kicked him out, you'll be happy, and you'll say "why the fuck did I ever believe that shit about just looking?".

Don't beat yourself up. But do chuck his sorry pox ridden arse out.

Earlier, I said I didn't know what I'd do if I were you.

Having heard that the lying prick is now accusing you of cheating, I would be packing his bag (or throwing his stuff out the window) and ordering him a cab.

He's disgusting OP. He really is. He should be on his knees begging forgiveness.

He's betrayed you, your vows, your baby and does not deserve your loyalty.

He paid for the hooker and borrowed the money off a mate to pay it back in ASAP is my take on that bit. He's cheated on you by the sounds of it. Sorry you have this in your life OP.

I think he will confess if he thinks he will be in with a chance of saving his marriage. But only if you are really strong OP and stick to your guns. So sorry you are going through this at what should be a happy time for you.

I second Cabrinha.

Yes, you are being a mug.

Bloke here. Unfortunately I guarantee you, absolutely guarantee without a shred or a miniscule ounce of doubt, that he has cheated on you with a prostitute. It is not even worth discussing alternative theories. Atmosphere of a stag do no doubt got him all excited and now 6 months later he is tearing himself up worrying about what he's given himself and you. We men enjoy a bit of hypochondria especially when it's guilt related.

Jesus Christ op, you must have floor level self esteem to believe that corker

OP, you know when I suggested upthread he might try and worm out of this one by accusing you of cheating, you do realise I was taking the massive piss, don't you ?

Just like he is

He could have taken money out of a separate account to fill the void in the original account. I have several accounts so could do this easily.

I'm sorry OP but the simplest conclusion based on the evidence is usually the correct one.

I can't believe he is blaming you now.

Wow, took him all of a day to turn this around on you. What a keeper.

What do you want to do about this OP?