DP's annoyances - is this just reality and what all men are like?

[elsaisnotatiger]

My DP is very sweet, kind, attentive and helpful. He loves our little son and is a great father.

However when it comes to real life he is a basket case. Leaves clothes lying all around the house, wet towels on the sofa, plates everywhere. If he starts a DIY job he will leave bits and tools all over the place. He has no common sense whatsoever (eg leaving the baby in a bumbo on the roof of the car once, and said the baby could not fall out of the bumbo. Could not understand why I went mental). He forgets to buy food, lock the house etc. We have a bath mat that says "hot" when the water is too hot for the baby and yet he put him in regardless. He just doesn't NOTICE things. He will let the baby play with a bottle of paracetamol, saying it has a childproof cap and therefore is perfectly safe....
When we go away I have to double check that he has remembered all the basics, because if I don't, some vital item will have been forgotten.
I get really frustrated with all of the above and end up snapping at him and feeling like I have two children, not just one.

Am I being overly fussy? Are all men like this? Or will these annoyances end up being a deal breaker in time (we have been together two years)?

This is way beyond the ordinary things we've all done as parents. My worst one being leaving 3 month old dd in a bouncy seat near to the radiator as it was freezing in my sash windowed flat while I went to pick up the phone at the other side of the room and her, being precocious, sitting up and falling, burning her arm on the radiator. Stupid and a lesson learned, she still has a scar on her arm (tis tiny but a reminder to me). He has no concept of safety yet is sure he does and won't accept criticism when he's endangered the baby, that's why he's still a risk. Most of use could clearly see what we had done I bet and took responsibility.

It says on the bumbo box not to use it on a raised surface and not to leave the baby unattended.

Even if baby couldn't get out, if he wriggled he could dislodge the seat from the roof.

Why put it on the roof rather than the ground anyway?

You tell him that, as he's a danger to the baby, he has two choices. He stops putting the baby in danger or he moves out. Next time he does something like that, pack his clothes, send him off to his mum's or something and put him on trial if he wants to go back. Hopefully, it will catch his attention.

Yes, it has also had warnings on medicines to keep them out of the reach of children because the caps are not in fact childproof.

Well...

I thought I'd heard it all. A grown man put a baby in a bumbo on the roof of a fucking car?!?????

I would have gone loopy. The neighbours would have called the police because they'd have heard me screaming in the next city. Wtf???????? He is an idiot and should not be left in charge if a baby.

"He was still adamant that toddlers cant open pill bottles"

The NHS website says that:

" ...be aware that by three years of age, many children are able to open child-resistant tops, although it may take them a little longer."

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Accidents-to-children-in-the-home/Pages/How-to-prevent-accidents.aspx (Scroll down to the section on 'Poisoning')

Children seem to be able to open the things easier than I can most of the time!

They're not really childproof at all, children aren't stupid and are perfectly capable of working out how a cap works. What they mean is "you can't open this by accident, you have to really try". Which is not the same as childproof at all.

My hubby is similar in his niggles but has improved over time.

I'm sure he'd tell you all how annoying I am because what's important to him doesn't feature on my radar.

As far as the baby's safety goes, both of us have done some blooming stupid things over the years, but this is by forgetting to do something which results in danger, rather than doing something that actively puts our child in danger.

This man is dangerous. He's a huge risk to your child. That's the stark truth.
Whatever else you do, do not leave him alone with your child, ever.

A child is top heavy in a bumbo. He could easily have toppled over and crashed head first into the street. It sounds like your husband lacks common sense.

I'm sorry, you said he has no common sense early on. Does he have Aspergers? You could read up on it, see what you think.

Also, why give a pill bottle to a child? It's a pretty dull toy.

Hi OP. This isn't a male thing, or (wholly) an ADHD thing or ASD.

This is a twunt thing. He doesn't give a shit for you or the baby. He's called you mad, a nag, ignored you at best.

I would film him. There's an app called IP Webcam that will stream video to a PC and record it. Stick you phone high up in the most high traffic room in the house. Shouldn't take too long to get proof.

Then KTBO. Fuxache, this how smackheads behave.

If he was contrite and recognised his actions were wrong then that would be workable. You are dealing with a man who is dangerous and (this is the important bit) has every intention of continuing to put your dcs in danger. His pride is more important than their safety. Every child deserves to be safe first and foremost.