Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Right what's the latest with online dating

80 replies

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 20:54

Ok had a break from it. Considering dipping toes back in. What sites are to be avoided? POF right? Is Match any better? The main question is: Do any decent men honestly do online dating??

OP posts:
WinterBlondie83 · 30/12/2013 01:17

Met my husband on Match.

Had a few dates with other guys for a few months beforehand.
Agree that you have to chat to them a lot to weed out the ones not for you!!! But on the whole, the guys I actually met with were nice normal guys.

So yes, it is worth it and there are plenty of nice guys out there (like phatel42 perhaps lol!) so keep trying and enjoy it.

I'm so thankful I did cos I'm a lucky gal to have found my fella :-) x

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 03:18

Not sure who this phatel42 guy is but phatal42 sounds great!! ;)

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 30/12/2013 10:07

Phatal42 will we go out on a date? ;-)

OP posts:
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 30/12/2013 10:09

Seriously though, I think we should start a Mumsnet dating page. Only decent guys come on Mumsnet, right?

OP posts:
Back2Basics · 30/12/2013 10:17

I've been on pof vaguely for a few years have had some horror dates and lovely dates that never called again even though I would of sworn they really liked me. I gave up for a whole until boxing day I logged back on started chatting to a lovely man 2 dates and we still haven't stopped chatting he's lovely if not my type. Quite excited about it all!

CosyTeaBags · 30/12/2013 12:05

What I loved about OD was that it was like a big shop window where you could browse to your heart's content. You would never get such a variety of available men/women in your local pub!

It also meant that you too were also in the 'shop window' 24 hours a day, rather than just on the odd occasion that you dress up and go out in RL. Must surely increase your chances of finding someone.

I think OP asked upthread whether people looked for guys locally or further afield. I did both, really. I was only interested in meeting someone locally (I think I set my criteria for about 30 miles or something, but I live in a rural area, so that did kind of limit things). I didn't really want the challenge of a long distance romance. However, I then did start chatting to a lovely guy who lived 100s of miles away - we both acknowledged that we'd probably never meet, but enjoyed emailing each other on the trials and tribulations of OD, and wished each other well when we each found someone.

The biggest thing for me (apart from meeting my lovely DP eventually, of course!), was that I would often find it really depressing to go out with all of my married friends, all dressed up hoping to meet someone, and never did. But then I'd get home, open my inbox and find a nice email from someone / or trawl Match for someone to have a chat with. It was a really nice boost that really helped me to stay positive.

Someone also mentioned upthread that they didn't want a picture of themselves on a public forum. I really struggled with that, but then I realized that anyone who saw me on there was also on there themselves and so in the same boat (or snooping, but hey ho). I saw quite a few people I knew on there (including my Ex boyfriend...aaargh!) which was a bit awkward. But I would tell myself that if it meant I would meet someone lovely, then who cares!

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 30/12/2013 13:15

I do actually fancy a couple of guys who live and or work around my area. They aren't completely uninterested in me either so that might be something that could develop (veeeeery slowly haha!)

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 14:40

@ Newbeg, you'll have me blushing soon ;)

stubbornstains · 30/12/2013 14:51

I met my boyfriend on OK Cupid. He was my first date- does that mean I'm lucky, or just not very picky? Grin He was pretty local too- about 5 miles away. But I had been OD for 6 months before that, chatted to a few people, but not found anybody quite right. Quite often, distance was a factor, as I'm v. rural.

I was on Guardian Soulmates too- once about 4 years ago, pre-DS- had a few dates (and one nice fling Smile) but nothing permanent;- the second time at the beginning of my 6-months-OD stint. The second time was distinctly tumbleweedy- maybe GSM works better in urban areas....

CosyTeaBags · 30/12/2013 15:20

Is there a bit of flirting going on here between Newbeginnings and Phatal ?? Xmas Wink

Could this be the beginning of a beautiful MN romance?

NotNewButNameChanged · 30/12/2013 15:50

I know scores of people who have used online dating. I only know of one marriage and one relationship out of it that lasted longer than 3 months. That doesn't mean it doesn't work, but, realistically, you are as unlikely to meet someone on it than you are going to the same supermarket every week and meeting someone there.

I tried it for two years - constantly on POF and OKC plus several months on the paid sites Match and MySingleFriend. I had four dates in all that time. I'm not bothering any more.

dontcallmehon · 30/12/2013 15:53

I have met someone lovely on pof and we're going away together in January - so not necessarily to be avoided - there are hidden gems!

ilovesprouts · 30/12/2013 16:03

i met a fella on meet me was ok for 11 monthes then he dumped me wen i was in hosp. ive just met someone from pof been seeing about 2 months then last night he says he not sure if he wants to see me anymore ,he said hes heads mest up but we are still txting so hopefully we can work it out im 45 and hes 37

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 20:14

Nice to hear some positive stuff about OD for a change. Though Sprouts, that 'my head isn't in the right place' does seem to be the standard get out with male and females but it might be genuine :)

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 30/12/2013 22:45

Ah the guys I met up with when I was online dating... There were quite a few of them as I was curious and wanted to get a good idea of who was on there (only POF)... well I mean it was such hard work! Sorting out a place to meet, time to meet, will they even show up, what will I wear, what will we talk about and then each time was a disappointment. Sorry to say that it was a waste of time. One guy I am still in contact with but just as a friend or mate who lives quite far away. One guy kissed me on the lips in a nice way at the end of the evening. About half of them wanted to see me again. About a third of them were quite bizarre (2 tried to follow me when I attempted to leave.)

Lol!

OP posts:
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 30/12/2013 22:52

Phatal attraction indeed!!!! ;-) I don't do flirting. I'm very 2014. I would meet you Phatal but it's guaranteed that you live approximately 500 miles away from me haha!

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 22:56

Haha, you don't even know what i look like! But for conversation sakes, Bucks ;)

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 30/12/2013 23:06

Just as I thought, you are hundreds of miles away. I'm sure you're only gorgeous though and there will be others who can meet up with you instead :-)

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 23:09

Likewise :)

CosyTeaBags · 31/12/2013 12:36

How long do you 'chat' to these guys before arranging to meet newbeginnings?

I made sure I had spent a good few weeks with almost daily, or every few days, emailing before progressing to phonecalls, before agreeing to meet. (I met one other guy before meeting DP).

I wouldn't meet up with someone who wasn't prepared to spend a bit of effort getting to know me first. That should sort out the wheat from the chaff, and means less hassle of going on lots of first dates.

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 31/12/2013 18:29

Hey Teabags.

Well this was all when I was doing online dating. I'm not now. I detested chatting to total strangers because they always turned out to be disappointing and so it was a complete waste of time! I mean honestly I don't have the time for messaging total strangers on o.d sites! I made time for it. Met up with about 15.

I think being a parent was offputting. Phatal what do you think (honestly) about dating single mothers? I imagine it must be a big nono. I mean who wants the worry of having to 'take on' someone else's offspring, being woken at 8am in the mornings and almost never getting one to one attention with your lover. So yeah I found that lots of normal guys probably put me into the 'single mother' category to save themselves time. Actually, when people meet me in r.l, they're shocked to find out I have kids!

OP posts:
Blushingm · 31/12/2013 18:45

Newb - phatal42 is on a parenting site. Chances are he has kids too!!!!

100 miles eh????? I'm sure there are these things called trains and cars that can help make 100s miles seem like a short journey! Wink

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 01/01/2014 10:23

No not 100 miles. A lot more :-) And requiring a boat or plane unless he's a good swimmer.

I don't really care if Phatal has children or not! For the sake of my question I mean. I think men with children and those without can be equally tolerant/ intolerant to women with children. I'm interested in hearing some honest views about this.

OP posts:
Blushingm · 01/01/2014 13:20

I was only teasing Newb! SmileSmileSmileSmile

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 01/01/2014 13:33

Newbeg...the guy im chatting to (soon to meet) gets excited when i mention things im doing with my boys e.g. Playing Scalectrix, watching movies, dog walks. He doesnt have kids but mentions loving having neices and nephews. Maybe its an age thing...hes 41. Maybe younger guys are looking for someone to have their own kids with. Its a sweeping statement, so not really sure.