Erm... I pointed out to dh how fat he has become, and now he won't speak to me.

[clumsymum]

We went to a BBQ yesterday for ds's beaver pack. DH was saying that one bloke there was really overweight. I pointed out that actually that bloke was about the same build as dh, not realising that dh seems to have no idea how he looks. He knows he's overweight, and has started trying to loose a bit of weight, but now he's got really offended with me and gone all distant (really upsetting since he's only home at weekends anyway).

I didn't mean it as outright critisism (honestly just an observation), I had no idea until after it was said that he was soooo unaware of his shape.

I have apologised, but I can't unsay it. How can I resolve this?

i guess i don't mean to control his food- just i strongly believe in a good diet for us all, mainly and esp our LOs. he may be reacting to that, he also talks about food-ins with his mum when growing up , happy memories chatting over choc.Fair enough, i'm not anti any treats at all - but he's so excessive about everything and this esp.

Mischief and you sound like you are doing brilliantly in a difficult situation - It must be hard to see someone you love treat themselevs badly by not taking care of themseleves

Has your dh always been overweight or is it recent?

I know I have in the past - slimmed down to meet a man and then gained a load of weight. This could be seen as 'letting myself go' which it was really but looking back at it -it was also a test of whether the person 'really' loved me.

I know this is not a reasonable thing to do and my partner(s) were well within their rights to say 'hey I didn't get together with someone who was fat - that wasn't part of the deal' For me it was a way of pushing them away by making unrealistic demands. 'i'e you must love me fat or thin'

My current dh I married when fat so he has no excuse , though I have recently lost 4 stone - so I'm probably no longer really fat - just a bit overweight.

From what you say maybe your dh equates eating chocolate (etc.) with feelings of being close to someone (i.e his mum). He may feel that if you deprive him of these things you are depriving him of love. I am only guessing here, the point I am trying to make is that losing weight can be done fairly easily once a decision is made but a person's relationship with food may need more help in the form of counselling etc - some of your dh's behaviour will be automatic and may not be easy to control in the long term.

thanks. LC - food for thought (excuse the terrible pun!). hadn't really thought in depth about his relationship with food, probably being too simplistic. It sounds like you're really sussed about yourself and how it is with you, which is great, btw!

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But Dior, I'm intruiged. What would make you want to lose weight?

In my case if dh wanted me to, that would be impetus (Not that I am overweight, just lucky with that I guess).

But what I mean is, if dh wants me to change something about myself, I would try, just to please him, which is part of my loving him and respecting his opinions. Similarly, he will try for me, as his sudden not eating has shown.

So what would do it for you?

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Interesting to read this thread as I have recently talked to my DH about his weight. When I first met him he was all rippling muscles, now he's really very big. I love him very much and without a doubt he knows this. I haven't said anything for years about his size unless he's brought it up and even then been very careful not to critiscise or give my opinion. When he talks about eating healthy food - I've been supportive and I also need to loose some weight.

But the truth is that I love him and want him in our lives for as long a possible - at this rate he'll die younger then he should. We got new scales recently that do your fat percentage - his was 43% !!!

So A couple of times recently I've actually said that he really must do something about his weight. He knows I'm there to support and do it with him.

Is this so wrong?

Dior - just read your post and wanted to say that I am exactly the same as you. You summed it up brilliantly.

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