Feel like I can't stand my husband

[Knackeredmum13]

Is this normal when you have a very young baby?

I haven't felt the same about him since our five month old was born. I just feel like he is lazy and a huge source of irritation.

We had my family staying for Xmas. I thought that he and I were hosting together but it turned into just me doing it. I think he assumed that because my mother was here she would take over the cooking but she didnt. He also seemed to have expected that she would take DS off our hands which also didnt happen.

DS is a really bad sleeper and for the past week I have only been able to get him to sleep in bed with me suckling most of the night. This means I am only dozing not getting proper sleep and I am shattered! So I've not been in the best moods and have been snappy with DH. He assumes this is me taking it out on him that my family have been annoying. It's actually because I'm annoyed at how lazy he is. He claims to do loads but I asked my mother if he did and she said that she hadn't seen evidence of it.

My family have gone and he has gone to the pub as he needs to get out of here. So I'm on my own with the baby. I could cry with exhaustion! I suggested that I could have a lie in tomorrow but he has said that he needs one. He has been up with DS until 3 am the past 2 nights and then sleeping in until 11.30am. I have been getting to bed around 11 and then once he brings DS in I'm trying to doze while he uses me as a giant dummy.

Am I being unreasonable? He says I've ruined his Xmas and need to be nicer to him. I just feel like I hate him at the moment.

The bad thing, but also the glimmer of hope, is that I remember threads on here when many of us have said just how furious we were with our partners in the early months. We were all still with said partners. So the irritation in itself doesn't mean all has to end, if you don't want it to.

What strikes me a lot in your original post is that everyone is making assumptions about what everyone else is going to do or should be doing - you, your dh and your mum.

This includes him saying that he's off to the pub. A simple statement but includes the assumption that you will look after the baby - of course you will, because by default you always do, unless he makes a specific decision to look after him. THIS IS NOT PARENTING. He needs to change his mindset to the assumption that he has shared responsibility for this child, who is utterly dependent at this age, and his first thought should always be, what does this child need?

In some cases this may involve him asserting himself more. For example, he may start producing more theories about how to care for him, which might mean you have to fight your corner on this. I'm not saying you would be upset by this, but it can change things a surprising amount.

I would simply start by presenting this mindset issue to him. He is assuming you will look after the baby by default. That needs to change or your relationship will be permenently damaged. How is he going to do that?