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Very much younger ds upset that his cousins won't play with him - any ideas?

36 replies

CMOTDibbler · 27/12/2013 13:38

MIL likes to have the whole family round on boxing day, always has. DHs brothers have 5 children between them aged 22-17. DS is 7 and an only.

When the others were young, they had each other to play with, at least two parents would look after them, and as youngest adults we always played with them.

Yesterday, we arrived at 11.30 and everyone was drinking alcohol and had been for a while. Once we'd done presents, ds wanted to play Monopoly with someone. But no one would - just drinking and fiddling on phones. Then bil1 decided that it was time to go to the pub, and so a contingent went there. Ds and I played monopoly... They came back, drank more. Tried to interest anyone in a game of anything, but still no.
After dinner at 3, most of them fell asleep. DH was helping his mum cook/washup etc - none of the cousins help at all.

Ds is just desperate for any of his aunts/uncles/cousins/gps to interact with him, but its not happening. I don't want to do this again next year, but MIL would be hurt.

Any ideas to manage this better?

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BrianTheMole · 27/12/2013 19:41

Well the cousins both teens and early twenties play with the younger children on my in laws side. Kids range between 2 and 8. It is totally expected that they will do that, and help out where they can. They need no prompting. All the adults also do that. I wouldn't bother to go next year op if they cant be bothered to interact. Whats the point?

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bigTillyMintspie · 27/12/2013 19:50

God, it sounds like a dull day for everyone - alcohol numbing the boredom. Do you see the cousins regularly? Maybe they just feel like they don't really know how to interact with a 7yo?

All families are different - my auntie/uncle, cousins and offspring are big games players and like a drink, and all family events are very full-on with everyone involved (not good for quiet people!). DH's side tend to sit in front of the TV with the males drinking from dawn till dusk, but would definitely interact with the children. My two are only young teens, but are always happy to play with little ones and make it a fun time.

Next year could you just go round for a shorter length of time?

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Oblomov · 27/12/2013 19:51

I think you are being a bit unfair.
We have his in our family. My eldest bil is 30 years older than me. His children, have children who are the same age as my children!!
Thus the cousins range from 35-5. Some if the cousins have children aged 17-2. So my children have 2nd cousins their own age.

But 25 year old cousins still played FIFA 14 with my 10 year old.
Maybe get them playing candy crush, minecraft, ds or x box.
Monolopy is a very long game!

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Gladvent · 27/12/2013 19:59

I feel for your DS. One of the branches of my family has similar age gap - my 'big cousins' are all late teens and early 20s. DS (8) adores them and they are all fab. He does have interests that they share - footie/art/music/maths so there is always some common ground to share to break the ice. They really include him and its lovely - I wish your family was the same. Last time we were altogether he was jamming with 20 and 19 year olds on keyboard :)

Try and find a mutual interest for them if you can. Kids are more interesting to teens if there is something they can show them I think.

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CMOTDibbler · 27/12/2013 20:07

We did have an assortment of games and stuff, but no one (including bils and sils, not just the 22-17 yr olds) would play/look/talk with him.

And it is incredibly dull - the bils and fil talk about cars, the cousins talk to each other and play on their phones.

We could go for a shorter time, but the way mil insists on running it means we either just turn up for presents or dinner when they are all drunk.

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Mishmashofstyles · 27/12/2013 20:13

It sounds dire! Just go for presents then go back home!

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OddFodd · 27/12/2013 21:10

I would just tell our MIL that it isn't fair on your DS then next year. Doesn't sound like much fun for you either!

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Nanny0gg · 27/12/2013 23:59

If my relatives didn't want to talk to my child I wouldn't be going to see them.

Horrid for both of you. Suggest you send your DH on his own.

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ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 28/12/2013 00:13

I'd be knocking that on the head as well. I'm surprised you stuck it out - it must have been really upsetting but at least you can decide to keep it short from now on and not let your boy be exposed to such indifference.

I know that, on the rare occasions we go to my family, the DCs are acknowledged and briefly exclaimed over but then left to get on with it, apart from being asked if they need drinks etc. but at least there are a few of them of similar age, so they get together while the adults drink and talk.

It's a big shame how some families end up like this.

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Kitttty · 28/12/2013 00:34

I think the key here is that it was BOXING DAY - everyone exhausted, hung over and familied out......if everyone had to be there for an 11 am start - it must have been painful.

I crawled out of bed at midday on boxing day - barely able to make it to my sisters for dinner at 3pm - 10 mins away - after catering for my wild bunch (25 of them) on Christmas day which started with bubbles at 10 am - and ended with my 5 sisters and I having a dance off at 1 am....if anyone had repeatedly asked me to play monopoly with their 6 year old on Boxing Day -- I would have buggered off to the pub, got drunk and fallen asleep as well!!

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HeeHiles · 28/12/2013 00:44

Can't your husband go by himself? You are a grown up and can do what you want, don't go invite some of ds frinds over instead and have a boxing day you both enjoy. Happy new year!