Very much younger ds upset that his cousins won't play with him - any ideas?

[CMOTDibbler]

MIL likes to have the whole family round on boxing day, always has. DHs brothers have 5 children between them aged 22-17. DS is 7 and an only.

When the others were young, they had each other to play with, at least two parents would look after them, and as youngest adults we always played with them.

Yesterday, we arrived at 11.30 and everyone was drinking alcohol and had been for a while. Once we'd done presents, ds wanted to play Monopoly with someone. But no one would - just drinking and fiddling on phones. Then bil1 decided that it was time to go to the pub, and so a contingent went there. Ds and I played monopoly... They came back, drank more. Tried to interest anyone in a game of anything, but still no.
After dinner at 3, most of them fell asleep. DH was helping his mum cook/washup etc - none of the cousins help at all.

Ds is just desperate for any of his aunts/uncles/cousins/gps to interact with him, but its not happening. I don't want to do this again next year, but MIL would be hurt.

Any ideas to manage this better?

[HeeHiles]

Can't your husband go by himself? You are a grown up and can do what you want, don't go invite some of ds frinds over instead and have a boxing day you both enjoy. Happy new year!

[Kitttty]

I think the key here is that it was BOXING DAY - everyone exhausted, hung over and familied out......if everyone had to be there for an 11 am start - it must have been painful.

I crawled out of bed at midday on boxing day - barely able to make it to my sisters for dinner at 3pm - 10 mins away - after catering for my wild bunch (25 of them) on Christmas day which started with bubbles at 10 am - and ended with my 5 sisters and I having a dance off at 1 am....if anyone had repeatedly asked me to play monopoly with their 6 year old on Boxing Day -- I would have buggered off to the pub, got drunk and fallen asleep as well!!

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

I'd be knocking that on the head as well. I'm surprised you stuck it out - it must have been really upsetting but at least you can decide to keep it short from now on and not let your boy be exposed to such indifference.

I know that, on the rare occasions we go to my family, the DCs are acknowledged and briefly exclaimed over but then left to get on with it, apart from being asked if they need drinks etc. but at least there are a few of them of similar age, so they get together while the adults drink and talk.

It's a big shame how some families end up like this.

[Nanny0gg]

If my relatives didn't want to talk to my child I wouldn't be going to see them.

Horrid for both of you. Suggest you send your DH on his own.

[OddFodd]

I would just tell our MIL that it isn't fair on your DS then next year. Doesn't sound like much fun for you either!

[Mishmashofstyles]

It sounds dire! Just go for presents then go back home!

[CMOTDibbler]

We did have an assortment of games and stuff, but no one (including bils and sils, not just the 22-17 yr olds) would play/look/talk with him.

And it is incredibly dull - the bils and fil talk about cars, the cousins talk to each other and play on their phones.

We could go for a shorter time, but the way mil insists on running it means we either just turn up for presents or dinner when they are all drunk.

[Gladvent]

I feel for your DS. One of the branches of my family has similar age gap - my 'big cousins' are all late teens and early 20s. DS (8) adores them and they are all fab. He does have interests that they share - footie/art/music/maths so there is always some common ground to share to break the ice. They really include him and its lovely - I wish your family was the same. Last time we were altogether he was jamming with 20 and 19 year olds on keyboard :)

Try and find a mutual interest for them if you can. Kids are more interesting to teens if there is something they can show them I think.

[Oblomov]

I think you are being a bit unfair.
We have his in our family. My eldest bil is 30 years older than me. His children, have children who are the same age as my children!!
Thus the cousins range from 35-5. Some if the cousins have children aged 17-2. So my children have 2nd cousins their own age.

But 25 year old cousins still played FIFA 14 with my 10 year old.
Maybe get them playing candy crush, minecraft, ds or x box.
Monolopy is a very long game!

[bigTillyMintspie]

God, it sounds like a dull day for everyone - alcohol numbing the boredom. Do you see the cousins regularly? Maybe they just feel like they don't really know how to interact with a 7yo?

All families are different - my auntie/uncle, cousins and offspring are big games players and like a drink, and all family events are very full-on with everyone involved (not good for quiet people!). DH's side tend to sit in front of the TV with the males drinking from dawn till dusk, but would definitely interact with the children. My two are only young teens, but are always happy to play with little ones and make it a fun time.

Next year could you just go round for a shorter length of time?

[BrianTheMole]

Well the cousins both teens and early twenties play with the younger children on my in laws side. Kids range between 2 and 8. It is totally expected that they will do that, and help out where they can. They need no prompting. All the adults also do that. I wouldn't bother to go next year op if they cant be bothered to interact. Whats the point?

[Nanny0gg]

I think extended family, adult events like this are a lesson that the world does not revolve around your ds - and you/he needs to learn to know you place etc.

I think that's horribly harsh and quite unnecessary actually. That's not what the OP was about at all.

Giving all the people in the room some interaction and interest is hardly difficult, even if one of them is only 7. It's one bloomin' day out of their lives, and I whilst I know times have changed, it's what families used to do!
Maybe console games can be today's version of that.

[verytellytubby]

Wii just dance would work with teenagers.

[perlona]

Nothing would make me play board games, I hate them and leave the room if anyone starts.

Teens to early twenties aren't interested in anybody who isn't of a similar age, seven year olds aren't even on their radar.

Next year, don't waste your time with the inlaws insanely boring company, stay at home, watch xmas movies and welcome friends/neighbours who'd like to drop in for an hour.

[blackandwhiteandredallover]

You need something like a Wii, or a big tub of lego! We all played pictionary which went down well with all the age groups.

[OddFodd]

Well it's not their job to entertain your DS. I don't think 6YO DS's 23 year old cousin even spoke to him, much less played monopoly with him!

I think your expectations are too high. Either I play with DS or he amuses himself. But I wouldn't take him to something that long tbh

[LeBearPolar]

I do feel for you and your DS. My DS is 10 and an only; he has lots of cousins his age but I love the fact that he's developing a strong bond with my 17 year old DN. DN is really good with DS: they paint their Games Workshop models together, DN plays his computer games with DS and on holiday they will go off together. DN helped DS do his Christmas shopping this year!

I guess this is the kind of relationship you were hoping for? This one has built up over years of making sure that we get together two or three times a year, but it is one that DN and DS have created for themselves - I guess the will has to be there on both sides

[diddl]

I agree with Hell

We always stayed at home so that the kids could play with their new stuff tbh, although I realise that that isn't possible for everyone.

But tbh, CD was always about them-adults caught up with each other on other days over the period.

[HellonHeels]

TBH I couldn't imagine a anything more boring than the family gathering you describe - everyone just sitting around drinking then half of them taking off to the pub.

Would bore me to tears, not surprised your DS didn't enjoy it.

[diddl]

" but in a room full of people he just wants to do something."

What does that even mean?

I do think it's odd that no one would play monopoly for a while with him-especially his own dad & GM!

But what did you take for him to do?

[PowderMum]

My DC were the first DC to very bring into my DH extended family all DH cousins were late teens or young adults, we got together every Christmas, someone was always willing/happy to play with my DC. There was plenty of adult conversation and alcohol but everyone was included.

Now my DC are the older teens and they have young cousins and more in the extended family, when we are together they are happy to play with the younger ones.

None if the DC grandparents generation would consider leaving out or ignoring the little ones, even if they were involved in the food prep.

Why does your MIL not interact with your DC?

[SlowlorisIncognito]

This sounds a bit similar to the situation in my mum's family although there are less cousins overall. At family gatherings, there's usually myself, my cousin and his wife in our early twenties, and my younger cousin who is now 12. When he was a bit younger, all the family would try and join in and play a game together or do something that he could join in with too at least some of the time.

However, we also want to spend time in adult conversation, and as I don't see my aunts and uncles that often, they usually want to talk to me about how I am, and what I am up to and so on. I will also sometimes spend a little bit of time on my phone at Christmas as I like to keep in touch with my friends and see how they are.

Maybe next year, shorter games like card games might be better, or ask your MiL or BiL if there is anything that their children might enjoy getting involved in. One we sometimes do as a family is the one where everyone has a post-it with a name of a famous person stuck to their head and you have to ask questions to work out who you are. However this might be a little bit old/complicated for your son, and it can be hard to think up enough famous people that everyone will know.

However, equally it may be that his cousins just want to enjoy their time off from study/work, and whilst it would be nice for them to play with their cousin, entertaining a child can hard work, and may not be something that they are very comfortable doing, especially if they only see him a few times a year. Unfortunately, you may just have to accept that with such a large age gap it is not that likely your son will ever be that close to his cousins.

[RedLondonBus]

kitttty I kind of agree with that tbh

[Floralnomad]

It sounds like the cousins go under duress or because it's the only way they're going to get fed that day ,they probably go home as fed up as your son .

[CMOTDibbler]

I don't have any expectation that ds be entertained by adults. But I think that if I went somewhere as an adult from 11am to 7pm that I'd expect someone to talk to me and that I wouldn't be expected to just sit in the corner and read/play on my phone