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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

alright, seriously, how often do you and DH get down to it?

64 replies

nobodysawmedoit · 26/12/2013 22:40

I'm starting a tangent thread from my other current thread. We have one kid, aged 2, and a very good relationship. But we've only had sex about 6 / 7 times since he was born. (For those with very poor maths skills, that's about once every four months). Is that normal? Are we doomed?

OP posts:

GooseRocks · 26/12/2013 23:17

Honestly, bob I've used nothing else for years, with one planned DC in between. Only been a positive experience for me.
Apologies for hijack. Not completely off topic. Getting the contraception sorted helps libido massively ime!

OP is this part of the issue, maybe subconsciously?

GooseRocks · 26/12/2013 23:19

Yes OP. Good plan!

3boysplusme · 26/12/2013 23:20

Turn off the tv... Get the board games out! Might sound odd but it's what I call the 'power cut' effect. Otherwise there is a very saucy board game called 'monogamy' sold online by lovehoney that will shake things up! (Definitely a weekend game for when LO is in bed and wine is on the cards

CheerfulYank · 26/12/2013 23:23

Anywhere from 2-6 times a week. DS is 6 years old and DD is 7 months.

I have a friend who rarely does it and she says she's just gotten out of the habit, so I think that happens!

Don't "force" yourself but maybe as Tia says, just kiss, etc, for awhile and see where it goes. Could his mum stay with your DC and then you could get a hotel room for a night? Just to relax.

At this point we aren't actively trying to have more DC but we don't care if we do IYSWIM, so we're just using the pull out method. If I had to faff around with birth control it might be different.

neiljames77 · 26/12/2013 23:30

Our walls are very thin and the DC's are old enough to know what the noises are, they have been for a good few years.

ImaginativeNewName · 26/12/2013 23:34

We have a 2yo and a 4yo, both poor sleepers who end up in our bed a lot and we both work so are knackered. We have sex probably about 3/4 times per week on average, stages of every night and then not for ages, same as a lot of people here.

I really miss my old sex life, I hate the kind of lazy, half arsed sex where neither of you really make much effort and I seem to be having a lot of that lately.

stickysausages · 26/12/2013 23:37

Probably 2-3 Times a week. It's a big part of our marriage tbh, I like feeling connected to my husband, otherwise we'd just be housemates.

We have a 5yr old, no babysitters & busy weeks, but make time to be together, and rightly so.

tiamariaxxx · 26/12/2013 23:42

As somene just mentioned board games what about an adult board game? We got a second hand 1 of ebay a while ago and had a good giggle with it deff put us in the mood.

Would grandma not have LO at her place? Hotel sounds great as a 1 of treat x

neiljames77 · 26/12/2013 23:46

I hope that 2nd hand "adult" board game isn't Twister.

tiamariaxxx · 26/12/2013 23:51

No wasnt twister lol, cant remember what its called off top of my head

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 03:24

We dont do lazy sex and things are pretty much as they were pre kids as we get the duvet out on the living room floor and shag/watch telly on that. Now dc are getting older we have to be prepared to jump up quick and look casual!

Want2bSupermum · 27/12/2013 03:46

For us getting DD on a schedule was key. DS arrived in Feb this year and he was on schedule by 8 weeks (was an easy baby). Both kids go down at 7pm, I get home from work at 8pm and we do our chores together for an hour. After that its a flop on the sofa with us heading to bed at 10pm. The next five months are going to be awful for me as I expect to be working until 10pm Monday-Friday plus working Saturdays. It wrecks havoc on our marriage.

gamerchick · 27/12/2013 05:03

Whenever we get the chance.. And we have seperate bedrooms in response to an earlier comment.

I think it's very easy to get out of the habit and a bit lazy to keep that part of a connection as a cou

gamerchick · 27/12/2013 05:03

Cou

gamerchick · 27/12/2013 05:04

Couple...and a lock on the bedroom door can help with the kids in the house thing.

BabCNesbitt · 27/12/2013 05:19

3boys, what's the advice if you've got out of the habit so much that you're not really sure if you still fancy your OH any more?

gamerchick · 27/12/2013 05:26

You take it back to basics and start 'dating' again. No shop talk, just finding out about each other again.

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 05:29

bab - Just relax with him and not worry about daily stresses. Once your in and kids are down set up your little den from the world kiss, talk, hug etc and it all goes from there.

AmericasTorturedBrow · 27/12/2013 05:30

Twice a week. Sundays and Thursdays.

Pre DC we were several times a day couple. Post DS we got back up to 5-6x a week. Post DD (2) I have lost all my sex drive whereas he still wants it every hour. So we have compromised.

Sundays and Thursdays we have sex. For now, it works for us

WoodBurnerBabe · 27/12/2013 06:49

Probably once a week or so for the full experience? But we do lots of cuddles and kissing in between. I have 3DC's, ages 6,3 and 1 so energy levels are not the best around here!

3boysplusme · 27/12/2013 09:38

bab it's very easy to fall into the parents trap of only ever being mum and dad with each other- especially when the DC are little. What turns you on? I'm a fan of sending the occasional rude text (and I don't mean photo!) to DH when we're at work. Might not be for everyone but makes us view each other in a non parental way When I work with couples, rather than suggest dinner dates I point them in the direction of more activity based dates... much less pressure than staring at each other over a table! (Climbing/skating/going Ape/a 'doing' type date) booking random things/meals over groupon or wowcher also successful as a cheap alternative- will be a talking point anyway! The best date nights I've had have been the oddest experiences.
People get lured into affairs by the way it makes them feel- excited, interesting, attractive and sexy... Use that as a starting point with each other?

OddBoots · 27/12/2013 10:27

A lot less often now the children are older and 'knowing'.

OddBoots · 27/12/2013 10:37

If that post is the reason my mum just called to offer a sleepover to the children next week, thank you.

Original poster

nobodysawmedoit · 27/12/2013 12:32

Argh, #totalfail! Lured DH to bed last night, cuddled up, then as always he rolled over and read a book and I rolled over and went to sleep. DC2 is going to be bloody immaculate conception if we don't get our act together.
Is there anyone out there in mumsnetland having less sex than us? Anyone?

OP posts:

Needadviceandfast · 27/12/2013 12:42

On average once a week at the moment but it has been less in the past. But it is nearly always lazy and half arsed. We bought monogamy, used it once and it's been in the cupboard doing nothing for the last 8 months. So that worked then...

We sound like you OP, more in the habit of reading/messing about on phone or iPad/sleeping when we get into bed...

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