I just wanted to let you all know that my dh is...

[GlitteryShitandDanglyBaubles]

...far from perfect. They are times where he has been a total arse, and I've told him straight - although he has never been an arse in an aggressive or scary manner. I've never had to prove that I'm 'as good' as him, and I've never felt that me and dd come second to him.

This is how we do Xmas. We make an amazon wishlists, one for me, him and dd, of stuff that we would like, about october time (we love to online shop and get a baaaaaargain!) We both get soem things for dd, and for each other. We have no one else to buy for, apart from the occasional friend.

We both wrap pressies, do decorations with dd, and make a Xmas dinner menu. I normally want to clean the house to within an inch of it's life in the days before Xmas, but if I don't have the energy / time, then that's fine. Dh cooks the Xmas dinner, I am in charge of gravy and drinks.

Dh will not: strop, sulk, use escort services, punch walls, drink too much and use funriture as ad hoc toilet, disappear for days, steal money / dd / other items, be in a quandry about whether he can be arsed deciding to stay with me or not, make huge financial decisions without me, or have any belief that it is still 1952 and treat me as a hysterical woman even when i am.

I don't have anything to do with my evil family so there will be no arguing, violence and hopefully, no need for the emergency services at any point.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes, dh is still a right tit. one of his present 'ideas' was to give me a voucher for a fiver off a book about low fat cookery that he got free with a tub of marg.

So if you are experiencing any of the festive season crap above, know that it is not acceptable, necessary, or normal. It doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to put up with it at the expense of your physical and mental health.

Love, GlitteryShit XXXX

Erm , I'm not sure what your point is? You're clearly happy with your life and your Christmas, but for many people life is so complex and difficult that dealing with "festive season crap" is unavoidable. Things are rarely as black and white as you seem to suggest.

Lucky you.............

woopedoo!

I appreciate it too, but I'm not sure how helpful it is to extole the virtues of your own marriage.
My husband won't be doing any of that either.

Don't know why you're getting a hard time here, OP. This is just in the spirit of those "Don't be afraid to LTB if he does any of these things" threads that pop up from time, yes?

Agree OP being given a hard time here. Not sure why.

I know you weren't boasting, OP. Cheers!

I think the OP's point was that to "strop, sulk, use escort services, punch walls, drink too much and use funriture as ad hoc toilet, disappear for days, steal money / dd / other items" etc are not just examples of those little annoying but understandable things that men do because they are such children aren't they . These things are big shit and should be dealbreakers. Little, irritating, but slightly amusing things include believing a freebie voucher for a low fat cookbook (I'm with the OP on the ) makes an acceptable (additional) present. In the context of a fair, sharing partnership it is easily brushed off. Smashing up the house and/or gambling away the mortgage money are not.

Nobody is perfect ! I'm not, definitely not and my dh is not either but he is kind and has a great soul. Ok he can be a bit boring sometimes but surely it's not a crime .

Not sure why the OP is getting a hard time?

She is simply saying that there are 'normal' irritations in relationships and things that are completly unacceptable but some women are lead to believe/have been conditioned/ground down to believe they are normal and to be put up with.

I've been on both sides and if I had read the OPs post during my abusive relationship, it may have been a lightbulb moment, as I have never, in real life heard anyone say the above.

We need to talk about good and normal relationships more so women in abusive ones can see they are in bad ones. As, with me, I was so confused by all his crap I couldn't see the wood from the trees. Xmas is a shitty time of year if you are in a shitty relationship.

for you OP. It needs to be said. Again and again and again.

Well I think its a point well made...

I hear you op.

Op, u should LTB for that voucher gift alone!

I think that is great.

Though I might have posted that in chat. Rather than here.

Just sayin'.

Quite right too. I do get very upset and worried when I read about those that are being routinely emotionally abused and see it as normal :(

However, context counts for a lot too. If there is repeatedly questionable behaviour then that's ritual abuse. Occasional twatty behaviour isn't.

Poor OP. I got what she meant and the spirit it was meant with. I bet she feels sick to realise the way it might be interpreted.

I appreciate the spirit of this. There are people who are so deep in it that they can't see how wrong it is.

OP. I am jealous as I have none of that (only X who was most of those) but I get what you meant and wish you and yours Happy Christmas. I do have lovely dcs, dgcs, sisters and parents that I will see over the next weekxx

Ignore the haters op. Your post shows that life isn't perfect, but it can still be good. You are encouraging people to appreciate what they have and not to moan about silly things. For what it is worth I totally recognise my own life in your OP.

I read it as a it's ok to LTB/go no contact thread.

So if you are experiencing any of the festive season crap above, know that it is not acceptable, necessary, or normal. It doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to put up with it at the expense of your physical and mental health.

YY

Hmm, perhaps I didn't make it clear that I was meaning that things like violence, emotional abuse, alcoholism etc AREN'T okay, and are dealbreakers. Lots of us learn to normalise abuse that we / others suffer in relationships, don't we? I grew up in a house where drinking, fighting and the occasional ambulance were par for the course, and I thought that was 'normal' til I grew up and learned differently. So, not so 'woopdedoo' as some may think...

I think we are made to feel we are asking the earth to be considered equal, to be respected and cared for, when actually, it's what we should expect as a matter of course, the same way we extend those same things to the people we love.

Every year, it breaks my heart to read all the threads where you can see the domestic violence ramping up, the EA and how so many people are just trying to get through it all, blaming themselves if it's not perfect.

I cut my family off about 8 years ago so I didn't feel suicidal everytime I had to see them (dodgy stepdad, violent mother) and this is the first year i've felt okay about that - like Xmas doesn't have to be hell.

Just sayin...

Lweji you get a special sticker and a badge!
Spot on.

If the voucher from a tub of marg does indeed make an appearance under the Xmas tree, I may take my own advice.